Dreams Coming True

I got my first passport last year. I've never had a passport before. I've never done any world travelling, although it has always been in the back of my mind. It was just never a consideration for many years, for many reasons. Financial being one of them.

Of course as life would have it, the moment I received my passport my friend who lives in Bermuda told me that she had a friend who was going on vacation for 10 days and needed someone to housesit. Someone who likes cats and I was the first person she thought of. Yes I jumped at the chance to go and it really was a little paradise. Talk about lighting a writer's imagination on fire about moving to an island and writing for the rest of her days. At the very least, I'd like Bermuda to be one of my regular destinations.

The main motivation that got me off my backside and going through the challenges of getting a passport (didn't have a proper birth certificate nor photo id) was my Aussie chum who invited me to come and visit him in Australia. Really it's all the motivation anyone needs. I simply couldn't be the person who passed up this chance. Plus Australia has always been a dream long before I met my buddy. I bought my ticket back in May 2013 and I leave this Wednesday evening.

This morning while I got ready for work in the middle of the shower I exclaimed out loud, "OH MY GOD, I'm going to AUSTRALIA!" ha-ha! Better in the shower than on my walk to work.

At work, I emailed a girlfriend to say that I was so distracted that I kept forgetting what work I was working on. "I'm going to Australia and a Boy called... THIS HAS NEVER HAPPENED BEFORE!"

And so there is so much going on in my head and my emotions. I'm trying to learn how to live with happiness. Can you believe that? I realize I'm never shy in anger and I'm used to dealing with the bad things or hard things in life. But the good? How do I move into that reality with comfort and keep it?

It's been an interesting few months because there are these parallel attentions that are so clear cut. There have been the work issues and frustrations, as usual, and there is this good stuff, really good stuff that is happening. It's like I'm skate boarding in traffic and I've got to pick a lane quick. I veer into the lane of frustrations and have to catch myself and remind myself that , "no Shelley, all this other stuff is happening that is wonderful beyond your imagination, put your thoughts back over here and let go of obsessing on that crap."

It's interesting to find this out about myself. I can honestly say that I've worked on getting myself to this current place for at least the last 6 years. And now I'm here and I'm still scared that I could jinx it.

I love Louise Hay's affirmation, "All is well in my world," and I've been saying it as much as possible everyday. I slow my mind down and slow my breath down and remind myself, All is well in my world.

For the first time ever, I feel like my life is making sense. Being at my current job makes sense. Living with my cats and planning my own life with my own beliefs and rituals makes sense. Healing all that I've needed to heal makes sense.

And as always, in keeping with my themes, this year's theme is Love. Actually I BELIEVE it's the theme for this year and beyond.

I love when the writer Nancy Huston talked about people who are single for a fair amount of time, she asked, "where does the love go?"
"It doesn't mean that they don't have any love in their lives or they don't give any love. It's just not seen in the traditional ways."

I love that thought because for all the jokes that people have made about me loving cats or ending up being an old lady living with 30 cats, that's one of the places that I put my love. I love animals. I've loved animals since I was a kid. I will never be embarrassed for loving animals.

I love my friends. I make it as easy as possible for particular friends to say yes to spending time with me. Whether it's taking the subway to their part of the city or going to Australia, that's where I put my love.

I love to write and I've got to find what ways work for me to put my love into my writing. And it may not even have to be being published in the traditional way.

I see the purpose that my job serves, aside from being an arts subsidy (ha-ha!) And there are a lot of aspects that I love about it but if I'm going to be there I've got to commit in different ways. My company has companies around the world. If there was ever a thought of living somewhere else this is the work that could get me there.

And I've met this adorable man. A sweet, gentle guy. And it feels really, really good. And who knows where this is going? And that's an excruciatingly wonderful feeling. You know, the wait is excruciating and the contact makes me grin, right?

And this is my life, that is making sense to me. The wonderful things and people of my choosing and a couple of things (my job and writing) that need to be re-worked. That's life too.

I'm getting to travel and my next big plan to save for is to go to an elephant sanctuary in Thailand to volunteer for a week or more.


So I think I'm becoming conscious of the question I didn't know I'd been asking all along, where do I want to put my love?

EY

Girlfriends, Themes and My Cats

Of course I was on vacation last week. Partially because I needed a serious break from work and how frustrated I'd been feeling. Partially because I wanted to get going on my apartment purge (I've given myself a two year goal, by the way). And partially because I needed some girlfriend time and it's so much easier to make it happen with the time off. I saw four girlfriends during my stay-cation and the conversations all had the same theme.

Everyone of the conversations delved into letting people go and when it's time to let people go.
There are so many reasons that we stay friends with someone, stay in a bad relationship past the expiry date and even continue on in a career/job that is dissatisfying. For me, I find that I will justify a lot of bad behaviour before one thing finally hits my 'letting go' nerve and I'm done. But I realize that, truly, I get stuck in obligation.

Obligation.

We've been friends for this long, even though you say shitty, flippant things to me and belittle what makes me happy.
He just needs to get past this bad period in his life and he'll be nice again.
She's family. You can't distance yourself from family.
I'm calling because I feel like I HAVE to call but I don't actually want to call.

I believe more and more that feeling obligated is a shackle around my neck. It wastes my time. It's not honest and that makes me feel twice as bad. It's not honest because I'm doing something I don't want to do. And it's not honest because I'm not accepting the person (or situation) for exactly who they are. I'm hoping the person will change and be the way she used to be, the way I want her to be...

How many times have we heard, "Just accept it. This is the way it is" when we complain about a situation?
We nod our heads sheepishly and agree, "You're right." Most times.

I'm thinking about this more for people too. "Accept it, Shelley, this is the way SHE is" hmm

If I accept her for exactly the way she is then that means I no longer have to feel the need to stay and change her. I can accept all her behaviours and I have the right to walk away because I am accepting me for exactly who I am too. It doesn't matter how long we've been lovers or friends or even family, time flies by too quickly for me to get stuck in the shackles of obligation. If a person is continually insensitive and I call her on it and she makes it my fault for her insensitivity, I have an important choice to make. She is saying that she isn't going to apologize or change, and she doesn't have to, and I don't have to stay.

I'm totally interested in the other side of the story too. It's clearly not as simple as me walking away or letting go of a relationship. How do I play my part in the other person's story?

My best anecdote is about the woman who took care of my cats while I was away. This is a woman who has admitted that she is lonely and doesn't have many friends.

There was more than enough food. I feed my cats crunchy food TD Cal that I buy from my vet. I got a brand new bag so there was more than enough. The bag lasts them a month. I was away for a week.

I feed my cats canned food once a week (even less) and they share a tiny can. I told her that if the cats seemed out of sorts she could give them two cans during the week as a treat. One can on two different occasions.

I come back from my trip and she informs me, "that's not good cat food. They like the canned with the gravy and the morsels."
Ohh ho Kay, so that means she's fed them the food that I feed them, goes out and buys them food (that they don't need) and feeds them how many cans?

I shrug it off, okay fine, I'm grateful to have had someone watch them while I was gone. My two grown cats are fine on their own but I would have been worried about Stormy the one year old.

She opens the drawer where I keep their canned food to show me she'd bought them two bags of cat treats and a popular named crappy canned food and it's twice the size of the cans I feed them. Holy Shit!

She tells me, "You should feed them this, they love this." She has the tone of voice that makes me feel as if she is saying that I don't know anything about cats and I'm not taking proper care of them.

Of course if my cats were kids, she wouldn't dream of taking them to McDonald's every day for a week. Kids love McDonald's! Well the food she gave 'my kids' was the equivalent of that.

I felt like I was obligated (the shackle) to accept what she'd done and keep the grateful attitude for her taking care of them. I was grateful, but seriously, they had everything they needed. She didn't need to spend any money. I would never leave someone to take care of my cats without enough supplies.

There were more shenanigans. She'd move my furniture around because she didn't feel that Gatsby had to eat his food under my work out bench. I, of course, put his food there because he likes eating his food there. He used to take his food in his mouth, run under the work out bench, drop the food on the floor and then slowly eat it. He likes to eat there.

And then she nit picked. She told me everything that was wrong, in her opinion, with my apartment. She asked me why I didn't use my work out paraphernalia more. She insulted the sheets on my bed. "These are not good sheets."

No stone was left unturned.

So I'm curious, it's the writer in me. I'm curious about the story she's creating for me to play my part and walk away so she can stay in being lonely and not having many friends. What part of any of this stops this woman from being lonely and not having many friends? Absolutely nothing. She must mean well?!? All I kept thinking was, "Didn't your parents teach you any fucking manners?"
What could she possibly be thinking?

I feel like all of this is a big thing for me this year. How do I want to spend my time? Who do I want to share my time with? Am I going to focus on your snide remarks when you say you love me? Or am I going to focus on those who "show" me they love me? What am I willing to tolerate? Do I have to feel like I'm tolerating something?

I know that it's all important because I've been here before. I know that so much of what has been happening with some people and what some others are discussing with me is helping me to be and stay clear. That's all I can ask for, clarity.

EY

Here are some old blog entries on this old cycle:

Silence May 17, 2012

Clearing Old Energy June 5, 2011

I Want To Feel Good May 28, 2011

Mercury is Retrograde one last time

Friday 26Sept08 9:53pm

It's been another month since I've visited my blog. I've thought about blogging at my part time gig but lately it's been too busy to consider. But it's been a fun busy.

My Capricorn spiritual son has been the greatest son to love. We spoil eachother with cookies, which is fine for him, he's a bony little guy. For me? I'm going to have to ask him to spoil me with fruit going forward!
Another Capricorn I know, because have I mentioned I'm overrun with Capricorns, has been facing some relationship issues and I think that one of my purposes in life is to offer advice at how to give a good College try at looking honestly at why you're with someone and look for possible ways to rekindle and if that's not working for you, finding the nicest way to walk away from a relationship if you don't want to be in it.

And it gives me all sorts of novel ideas, for whatever reason.

Things at the day job have gone from reaching a fever pitch of pure insanity and the pendulum swings back to a level of calm.
Basically, I had more work induced pain only this time it was on both sides of my body. I had to do a little dance to be heard but was ultimately heard. And I had to pull out the sound vibration to take my pain away. I'm still waiting for the report from the ergonomist specialist who paid me a visit and assessed my work area. And always, I go for Shiatsu. My therapist who I've nicknamed the hack, has been beating me up and forcing some pains on me and telling me to breath through it and all that. Yeah buddy, let me kick you in the balls and you breath through that pain. He laughs, I'm half serious.

Lance Armstrong announced that he will do the Tour de France next year which makes me thrilled beyond words. I can barely wait until next summer and we just barely finished this one. But the more we have to look forward to, the better life is.

Gatsby, my cat, is 7 months old and a terror and we love him like ten men.

And we hit Mercury Retrograde in Libra. So it affects the cardinal signs more intensely. Aries, Cancer, Capricorns and Libras. But as always we all watch our communications and focus on the words/actions that start with RE. And we smile a lot right? Because we know what's happening. It happens until the 15th of October but I wouldn't start anything new until 29Oct08 especially since it will be a new moon. I've been contemplating asking a special someone to accompany me to my work Christmas party and am thinking I will ask him around October 29th in the new moon phase, after Mercury Retrograde is long behind us. We've had some good moments lately and a specific conversation with he and his younger brother that made me think that all is not lost and possibly I have a whole lot more power over this situation than I originally believed. Hmm! AND HE IS NOT A CAPRICORN! ha ha. I'm trying to be as good and kind and nice to all the Capricorn men I know in hopes that I can once and for all release myself from the curse.

This is the last Mercury Retrograde of the year yippee. The next one is 11Jan09 in Capricorn and Aquarius.

Last year I wrote a lot of entries about Grey's Anatomy on my old Writing2live blog. I may continue that on my newer Writing by Kaizen blog. Because I love that show, it really makes me think about relationships and I'm down to 2 TV shows that I watch. If you ever read my old blog, you know that one year I was knee deep in television and each year I've let go of shows and so it's a major accomplisment to be down to Heroes and Grey's Anatomy. Mad Men is down to it's last few shows for its season so I don't actually count it because by October it will be done plus last week it was a repeat.

EY

Acceptance

8 Aug08 Friday 9:41pm

When I was a child my brother, who is 4.5 years older than I am, used to beat me up. As older siblings often do, he would bug me and tease me and sometimes beat me up. Of course I'd cry and sometimes I'd tell my mom and sometimes she'd hear my screams, like when he threw hockey tape at me and hit me in the head. Every once in awhile my brother would bug me when I was busy doing my own thing and I'd lose my temper and I'd beat him up. He'd go crying to mom and she'd say, "What were you doing to make Shelley that mad. That girl never gets mad. If she hurt you, it's your own fault!" ha ha.

Not much has changed, my biggest anger comes out when I am minding my own business, doing my own thing, and someone comes along, takes me away from my focus over to theirs and then plays with my head. That's where it's been at with the dastardly dude. It's all about innuendo with some men. I hate innuendo. You can never really argue with innuendo. If you say anything like your actions came across as genuine interest or like we were building toward some sort of relationship/friendship etc. The person can always say, "I was just being friendly, that's not what I meant." *sigh*

I hate innuendo. So as I come to terms with a certain persons lack of being a man of his word or simply just not being a worthwhile friend, I find that this week's theme is all about acceptance.

It started with the book that I'm currently reading by Gurmukh, "The 8 Talents: Restore the Balance and Serenity Within You with Kundalini Yoga." In it, she tells a story about a Jewish father and son who come at odds because the father has orthodox beliefs and the son doesn't. The father disowns the son and they never reconcile. The son, after finding out that that the father has died decides to go on a pilgrimage to Israel hoping to find some peace with his relationship with his father and wishing that he could turn back time and tell his father that he always loved him despite their differences. At the Wailing Wall in Israel, the son prays for his father's understanding even though it was too late. He prays the prayers that he learned from his father then prays his own prayer asking for his father's understanding. He notices that other people are writing notes asking for a miracle and placing them in the wall. He decides to write his own note and tries to find a spot to place his note in the crowded wall. His note asks for the father's understanding and says that he's always loved his father even when his father disowned him. He finally finds a spot and as he places his note in, a note falls out into his hand. He opens the note and it's in his father's handwriting. The note is written to the son saying that the father loves him, has always loved him even when the son had turned his back on the father's faith.

After reading that story, I decided to see my situation with the Guy in a different light. I decided to accept that he isn't the person that I had hoped he'd be. I decided to see him as he is, the guy who I see regularly and have pleasant conversations with. That person I can like and not feel any animosity towards.

As Wayne Dyer says, "Change your mind and change your life."

I listened to Doreen Virtue's podcast through Hay House radio and so many thing came up about acceptance and how to find acceptance. And last night I worked with 27 year old sweet guy at my part time job. I think I'd like to nickname him my Spiritual Son. I've felt since the first time I met him that if I ever had a kid, he is the kind of self aware kid I'd wish to have. The first thing I asked him about, when we had quiet time, was the female heartbreaker. It wasn't a great story. Things didn't work out for him but I suspected it wasn't going to even though I'd hoped it would. It's so ironic that all the tales I've heard about his relationship reminded me of my past Capricorn relationships. It felt very Capricorn - Pisces.

Anyway, my Spiritual Son talked about acceptance and putting the whole relationship into perspective, not unlike me seeing the guy who comes into my office as someone I have pleasant conversations with. My Spiritual Son wrote an unsent letter to the heartbreaker which he acknowledged was really more for himself then for her and he let me read it. Oh what a beautiful young man! We talked about whether we could be friends with our exes and both agreed that you can't really. There is always ulterior motives involved. One hopes that if you wait long enough you could get back together and the other always gets to feel that there is this person who still has designs on you. Plus if you can't be happy about a person finding someone to love who isn't you, you're not really his or her friend.

Somehow we got onto the topic of miracles because my SS, at his most heartbroken, was standing in a line at a store and this stranger told him that she was sorry that his girl was treating him so pitifully and then proceeded to get in depth about how the heartbreaker would regret letting him go. I told him my two similar miracle stories and showed him the little angel that I'd found the one day at work when I was really down. I also said that I like to look for daily miracles because, 'they happen all the time you know? You just have to look for them and not get bogged down with all the day to day crap.'

I finally asked him what sign he was and ofcourse, he's a Capricorn. I swear I'm going to start keeping track of all the Capricorns I meet. And yes his ex is a Pisces.

We had a good chuckle about my Capricorn stalkings epecially the three guys with the same name and same birthday.

Acceptance. This is what this is. It doesn't matter how much I wish it away or hope it was different, this is what it is. This is how I live. These are the people that I meet. This is how some people treat me. This is how some people inspire me. Accept it. Acceptance.

And I've discovered something about myself. That I need time to evaluate rather than react immediately especially when it comes to men. When I react immediately I end everything, don't talk to me, don't look at me, don't come near me. When I evaluate which can clearly take me a couple weeks I can change my mind and change my life.

Flying up in the air to light the olympic flame? Seriously? Totally awesome! The Olympics have begun. Cycling is on now. Cadell Evans is there from the Tour de France. Also Mark Cavendish should be there, I haven't heard his name mentioned yet. Mark left the tour early to prepare for the Olympics. Thankfully we have a television at the p/t job so I should be able to catch the lalympics, as I lovingly call it, when I'm working.

And finally, So You Think You Can Dance ended last night. I watched the finale with my SS. I had him cracking up as I got emotional when Katee won a newly awarded prize for the top female. 50 grand! And when the final male won. I told my SS that I had decided Wednesday night that I wanted Twitch to win and then when Cat said Joshua's name as the winner I spontaneously screamed, "My Baby!" ha ha! So clearly I was happy for either of them. It was a thrill to see two hip hoppers as the final two. And considering Katee and Joshua really never did any wrong throughout the season, it was really sweet to see them as the top female and male dancers.

The next three weeks I do my split shift sleeping between the day job, the part time job and the Olympics. I slept from 6pm to 9pm when I got home after work tonight and now I'm going to lie down and watch the cycling until I fall asleep again. Then up for the p/t job for a very early day and I'm scheduled with my SS. And somewhere in all there, I write.

I had my little birthday party for Zelda who turned two yesterday. Cat nip was sprinkled liberally for each cat. Zelda has grown from copying what Quincy does with cat nip to doing her own thing of chatting with it with loud screaming meows, spreading it around with her feet, flipping her tail wildly and then plunking herself into it and rolling around. Gatsby just looked at all the big girls like they were nuts. He's still too young to get it plus he has more than enough youthful energy without the need of cat dope.

hmm, and I think I may be an Earth Angel . We call them caretakers but I like the term Earth Angels better. I got the term from Doreen Virtue's podcast.

EY

Quiet Times and Personal Meaning

Tuesday 1July08 9:59am

Today’s podcast (Episode 4) from Dr. Eric Maisel is on Personal Meaning
His podcast is Purpose-Centred Life - A Plan for Authentic Living. His podcasts and others can be found at Personal Life Media

I've been kind of quiet. I seem to be in a big processing mode, processing all the energies and messages flying my way. It's all good. The messages make me think about commitment level and mine in particular.

It's funny how when I look, so many messages can come my way. This morning I watched my kitten Gatsby eyeing my baby girl Zelda. When Zelda gets worn out from Gatsby and all his energy and bites, she goes as high in the apartment as possible because little guy Gatsby can't jump all that well. He's still a little guy at 4 months old and having started his life almost dying twice. He still has breathing issues, he sounds like an asthmatic at times. But that doesn't really stop him.

Anyway, Zelda gets on top of my stacked storage bins that are stacked three high. It's taller than my shelving unit in my kitchen. It's the place she calls peace. It's one of the three places that he can't get at. "Ha ha," she waves down at him, "you can't get me!"
This morning I'm lying in bed taking my time with waking fully, enjoying the moment. It is a holiday after all. I watch Gatsby run in and out of the kitchen just pissed that he can't get at Zelda. He stops at the bins and stares them down. He runs back into the main room, turns and runs at the bins. His little paws clip into the lid of the first bin and he tries to scale up to the second lid. He doesn't quite make it and plops off. Doesn't the little shit keep trying? Doesn't he scale up to the third bin with his little feet clawing the third lid and I swear he was laughing at Zelda and screaming HI! HI!. ha ha.
He flings himself on to the kitchen table and jumps up to the top bin to harrass poor Miss Zelda.

My immediate thought was, "talk about using your individual way to succeed."

Zelda ran off feeling bitter, no doubt, and Gatsby chased after her. When she ditched him by jumping up into the bathroom window he turned on his heels and ran back into the kitchen. By this time I was in there prepping my fruits and smoothies and stuff. I turned to watch him scale all the bins, pull himself on top and lie down! I swear watching little dude is a daily lesson on perseverance. He rocks!

Eric Maisel's podcast on Personal Meaning didn't leave me with many notes. I wrote stuff like:
"You get to decide what meaning is in your Life."
"Make life mean exactly what you want it to mean."
"What does life mean? Whatever I decide it to mean."
"Commit, 'I intend to matter in my own meaningful way'"

Good notes but nothing to blog about. But it's funny that since the last couple of days of listening to that podcast, examples of meaning have been showing up. Like Gatsby.

And I caught a couple shows on Global this morning. You gotta love holiday mornings when the programmers don't know what to put on television and they end up putting on some stellar stuff, sometimes. I caught two episodes of a show about second chances in life. And it's Canadian! One episode was about a woman who has won a woman of distinction award, Kim Beauregard (I think). She was overweight, stagnant in her life, unhappily married. She found her individual way to success. She's run marathons then after an injury started body building, won strongest woman award, became a nurse, is a personal trainer/coach, dog walker. She went from no where to now here, as Wayne Dyer likes to say.

She made a brilliant comment, "Even when you're at the back of the pack, you're still a runner."
Ah Personal Meaning at it's finest.

The other episode was about a woman who was really successful selling cars, Ferrari's, Maserati's and the like, which she loved. She was one of the crew members for her husband who races cars. She was living a pretty good existence. She got back into painting while on maternity leave and realized that her soul had been crying out for it. She worked out a new schedule at work to enable her to have Fridays off to paint and by fluke showed a guy her paintings, who subsequently got on the phone and was able to bring her paintings to a showing in Chicago and sold them all!

In the episode she discusses the struggle of giving up a comfortable job with benefits to the uneasyness of being a painter.
The scary dream of the artist's life rebounds in my head on a daily basis. How do I matter in my own meaningful way?

EY

Tuxedo Cat

Wednesday 2:03am 18June08

Ah! We're a day away from the end of Mercury Retrograde. The last few days have been filled with communications issues galore! At least I know, so it keeps me calm. But some people who don't know seem to suffer from broken record syndrome, going on and on about the same thing. Maybe if I say the same thing again, I'll get different results. Maybe if I say the same thing again, I'll get different results. Maybe if I say the same thing again, I'll get different results. Yeah buddy, good luck with that action!

I had a contractor do just that yesterday at work. I actually started to sing while he was saying the same thing he'd said about 8 times. I told him that it didn't matter how many times he repeated the same old story the answer hadn't changed but to no avail. So there I was resorting to the la la la song that siblings sing to eachother when they get tired of listening. Okay so I didn't sing the la la la song because I had music playing. But I did sing the song that was playing, so it was close. ha ha! Where's my brother when you need him?

I finally had to send an email to the tenant, and the contractor's boss requesting that they kindly explain to contractor dude that in property management there are certain rules about accessing a tenant's space without permission. It has to be a life threatening emergency or something pertaining to damaging the building. I also mentioned that "shooting the messenger" didn't change that fact. Contractor dude came back to my office rather meek and mild but still proceeded to explain his frustration to me one more gain because clearly I have no grasp of the English language and must be told yet again. zzz!

When I rule the world, we'll be able to take off Mercury Retrograde, I'm just saying!




Okay so my friend called Gatsby a tuxedo cat. I thought she just meant that he was high class. It seems that no there is actually a term for the two colored black cat! Who knew!

EY

The Great Gatsby

Sunday 12:51pm 4May08

After my prisoner of expectations moment this week, I walked home Thursday after work and decided to go into the vet to see the kitten in the window. Sometimes a cat lover needs to tease herself. Can you feel it coming? ha ha!

The workers were all very friendly, got me behind closed doors to see the kitten and informed me that she wasn't the only kitten they had. Kitten in the window is a black kitten with white feet. The other two kittens, also girls, were all black. I was phewing all over the place because, if the truth be known, I want a boy cat. I already have three girls. Isaac says, "we have one more kitten. We keep HIM separated because he has the sniffles and is on antibiotics." Jessica returns with Isaac to tell me that itsy bitsy boy had rough beginnings and almost died twice but he's doing fine and he purrs the moment you touch him and he's really affectionate and we all just love him! He is 10 weeks old and is the size of a 3 or 4 week kitten. He's got the big forehead and expressive eyes much like Yoda, what all the staff have been calling him. Yoda is the spitting image of kitten in the window.

I say, "I'm all about rough beginnings!"
Jessica says, "Then he's your guy!"
Yes. I inherited my mother's love of the runt of the litter. I like to fill a need when there is a problem. My heart opens wide when someone is in crisis. But that is the height of being human isn't it? When that news story hits of major misfortune whether it's September 11th or Hurricane Katrina, or an innocent bystander walking down the street and accidentally being shot and killed and leaving his child fatherless. Or that little girl abandoned in the stairwell during the winter of which many famillies wanted to adopt. Heck, I wanted to adopt her. With the worst stories we all really step up to the plate to help out in what ever way we can.

So yes, what I'm saying is I've adopted itsy bitsy male kitten. He almost died twice and he wheezes when he breathes and he's the size of one of my hands and he's still on antibiotics (supplied for free from the vet). And since he's such a little guy with poor beginnings I name him Gatsby, after F. Scott Fitzgerald's character and the name goes nicely with Zelda, my two year old, named after F. Scott's wife. The big cats are all pretty bitter as what happens in the beginning. Zelda is too busy running away scared to really check the mini man out. Picasso and Quincy spit at him and spit at eachother and spit at a fluff of dust. But they're not giving up their positions on the bed although they give me dirty looks when I bring Gatsby up to cuddle.

When I went to pick him up yesterday, just about every staff member came out to check me out and say good bye to their favorite rescue and beg me to bring him in for a visit. Last night I chose a birthdate for him, counting back ten weeks from the day I met him since they weren't sure of his actual birthdate. Although I will ask again just to be sure. Ten weeks ago was still in Pisces and around my birthday. haha. So his chosen by me birthdate is Feb 28th. And he's a leap year baby like me.

What is more exciting than watching a baby something? What is better than to nurture and love?

EY