Sunday 5:55pm 10Sept06
I watched the movie, Jersey Girl, yesterday and the female love interest said to Ben Affleck's character, "Forget what you thought you were and accept who you are."
Sometimes it's hard to get over what you thought you were going to be. When I look at my life, I haven't accomplished most of the things I thought I would 20 years ago. I thought I'd be a successful full-time writer. I thought I'd find the right person by the time I hit 35 years old and we'd marry and have children. We would probably have some struggles but for the most part we'd live a charmed life. I thought I'd be rich and travel and own land. I thought, I thought, I thought ...
I've lived in the same apartment for 17 years. Many people have criticized this apartment because they say, I should live some where better. I live like a College student. Although I do write everyday, I'm still not published. I'll probably never marry. And there's more...
But in accepting who I am I see that I love having my own place, my sanctuary. I don't need to live in opulence to feel happy. There have been artists with far superior talent to mine who never realized their artistic dreams and they still produced. I value love far more than people who have to have a relationship. I've learned much more through the hardships rather than if I'd received everything I wanted on the schedule that I'd planned. Given my beginnings, it's any wonder that I'm here at all and yet I am. I never fully give up when things go wrong, I just start all over again. And like an inventor, I see that my mistakes and failures are steps toward learning how to live and enjoy my life each day instead of some future date.
It may not sound like much but it works for me.