06 January 2013

2013 - Personal 1 Year

2013 brings me into a Personal 1 Year and a new 10 year cycle. It's a big time to set my focus for what I want within these ten years and what I want to change.

My biggest focus is to live in gratitude. I've listened to so many people complain about what they don't have, what they thought they'd have, what they didn't receive, what they expected, what other people have... It just stops the flow of everything. Happiness, more good in your life, everything. When we're focused on all that we think we don't have we can't be happy for others when they receive their good. It falls into abundance that there's enough for everyone.

I feel like I've done more emotional work in the last 10 year cycle then any other time of my life. I took a deep hard look at the cycles in my life that have repeated themselves and repeated themselves some more. I feel like I've genuinely worked through major issues. I'm calling it a bit of a heroes journey. lol. Might as well make it big in my mind. It is actually big.

I'm feeling like this 10 years will be more sociable. I needed the solitary before. I now know how to seek the solitary without guilt, so I can be more sociable. I feel more optimistic. I feel like I've shaken off the serious demons. I am responsible for myself, my dreams, my joy.

I find I've been looking at the disagreeable people in my life with a different perspective. In the midst of steering clear of their drama I'm also seeing them as tortured people. This one person who, even in the New Year, continues to hold a grudge against me but that's not enough. He goes out of his way to try to cause grief in my life. I got his number. He doesn't affect me but I feel sorry that he still doesn't see that you can waste your life trying to get back at people. We can be so stubborn. We can waste our time. We can torture ourselves needlessly. Part of it is we're too scared to do the work. That's not my cross to bear. I don't need to heal him, guide him, lead him. He is not my responsibility.

If I watch any reality shows, there are two that I will catch. Hoarders, because I can't make it through 15 minutes without getting up and cleaning. lol.

And Intervention. I have a fascination with Intervention. I have a fascination with addiction and the torture that sends people in the direction of their addictions. There's usually something, some upset that precipitates the addiction. I've been through some of the things that some of those people have gone through. Grew up watching adults with addiction, was a witness to domestic violence. I realize that I could be one of those addicted people on intervention if I didn't handle my demons in writing. Us humans, we can be such a tortured lot.

We have to work through our torture, our demons, otherwise they have all sorts of unknown powers over us. I want my power. I want to focus on my power in these 10 years and beyond.

2012 was an awesome year for me, when I look back at the year as a whole. There were a couple of low points but that's life. Going back to my old homes from my childhood really provided a real shift in my mind for me. I felt less jinxed and more possibilities. I feel like I worked through some serious stuff and I was rewarded for it and the benefits in the coming years are unimaginable.

Ha! I think I just finally grew up! It was bound to happen.


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