07 October 2014
Human Design - The Experiment
Hey, What's Your Sign?
I've always loved Astrology. I like to find out what sign a person is. I like to have an idea of what a person might be like, of who I'm relating to. Of course I know that a person is more than simply a Taurus, that the deeper we delve into a person's full chart ,as opposed to simply their Sun sign, the more we can know about a persons possibilities. Some people still think that if you believe in Astrology that you're flaky but more and more people know their signs if you ask them. Some people will tell you their sign but will add the comment, "but I don't believe in it."
I get that.
To me Astrology is like creating a character for a novel. It's a part of figuring out what kind of person Kali is going to turn out to be. What's her personality. How does she view the world. Is she a sensitive Pisces? A witty, glib Gemini? a Passionate Leo?
I actually see that Astrology was a natural interest for me. There was so much confusion growing up. Confusion with people and who was going to be a good person and who would turn to violence to manipulate and who could betray your confidence and the multitude of options that people use to relate. When I meet people they really are characters to me until they become full fledged human beings. I create a profile of them in my thoughts and rule in beliefs about their personalities. Or rule out beliefs.
I think learning more about Astrology over the 30 or so years that I've been interested in it could be called an experiment. I find out what sign a person is and I notice what similarities that person has to other Aquarians I've met. The certain antics I've noticed that all Pisces men pull when they are playing at romantic interest versus the Pisces man who has a genuine interest. A pisces man will flirt, flirt, flirt and then when you show him an interest, when you want him to shit or get off the pot he'll turn around and say he has a girlfriend. But he won't come right out and say that directly. He'll say something like, "I've got this good thing going and I can't mess it up." or "My ex-girlfriend and I hang out together with our daughters. We lie in bed naked and ..." some random thing about their daughters coming into the bedroom and one daughter asks why are you naked and the other daughter knows why. You have to sit with it for awhile, asking yourself, "What does that mean?" before it sinks in. In other words, they have convoluted ways of telling you they are taken.
Anyway It's a long preamble to say that as I read other blogs and websites about The Human Design system that the thing I like the most is that just about everyone talks about it as the experiment. Because really we can only test things out and see if they are true for us or not. So I'm in the experiment. I'm looking back at where I've been invited and trying to understand the depth of invitations.
I've been looking at my full time job for instance. When I applied to work there it wasn't the first job I'd applied for. I had actually applied for a completely different position at another building. I was interviewed by three people at once. A nerve-wracking experience for sure. One of the interviewers was really shy so I'd make eye contact with her whenever I felt nervous. One person I asked the pointed questions to because he talked the most and seemed like the person who would make the ultimate decision. And I'd look at the HR manager for reassurance because she always had a smile on her face. It took them four weeks and they still hadn't made a decision. The HR Manager gave me a call and said, "Listen, they are taking too long to make a decision and I don't want to lose you. I've got another position available. It's a one year contract and it's a foot in the door. Would you be interested in interviewing for that?"
She told me about the job, the requirements, which I had in droves and off I went. When I got the job I called Joyce to thank her for being the smiling face in my original interview. "You really helped me to feel comfortable enough for me to show my best side."
"I just knew you'd be a good fit."
I've been at that job now permanently since 2005 after I worked it twice on two separate contracts for my predecessor's mat-leave. It's been a fun job. It's had its challenges but it's been a fun time. I see as part of the experiment of being invited that I was actually invited to that job. And with all that is said about Projectors and the right invitations and being recognized, I see how that was a great fit.
In the recent few years, everything has changed. None of the original people who hired me are there anymore. There is a whole new batch of people and the realization that I haven't been invited. And every time I attempt to make things happen, if I voice my opinions there is resistance. If I ask for anything there is resistance. In Human Design terms it would be called initiating.
So now what? I'm learning that there is an expiry date on invitations. That just because an invitation is perfect at one time it doesn't necessarily mean it's going to last a lifetime. It's time to get silent and wait for the next invitation. And I'm learning how to be comfortable around people who haven't invited me. That means keeping my mouth shut. Even if I have an idea on how to do things a better way, a more efficient way, a different way. With tests, I've watched how my emails are completely ignored. It was upsetting at first but now I see that I don't have to waste a lot of energy in trying to get my views across on deaf ears. Nor feel jarred by resistance.
As part of the experiment, I keep quiet. I stick to my office and do my job and as Bill Cosby would say, "just wait for my name."
A Projector's theme is bitterness. If I continue to bang my head against the wall, initiate, voice my opinions on deaf ears and meet the resistance, my natural progression would be to devolve into bitterness. I admit, I was going there. But I don't love bitterness. It feels crappy. It's exhausting and I have so many other interests. So I'm experimenting with simply being. And noticing energy.
There's a feeling of being invisible when I'm around people who didn't invite me there. It's interesting. I may start to say something and notice that no one is paying attention to me. I'll smile and say to myself, "You've got the invisibility cloak on." And then I'm happily silent. It's been saving me a whole lot of grief.