18 May 2006

Inspired to Leave

Thursday 18May06 7:47pm
I've got to work this weekend and next weekend at my part time gig and
then I'm giving it up. After 10 years it's time to walk away.

I've always been the more than one job kinda person but it's grown
tired. It's time to use my free time for writing plus the extra pay
cheque isn't all that extra, if you know what I mean.

I'm grateful for that job. It bailed me out of many a mess but now I
can barely find the motivation to show up. The environment isn't
conducive to any kind of joy. There is a palpable tension that I'm
always waiting to jump out and engulf us all. Everybody is nice but
it's the scared nice, no one wants to say what they really think about
the bullshit that's going on.

In the good old days, I saw shows from around the world that I would
have no other means of seeing. In the good old days, shows cut their
teeth there before they went to larger venues, we had Stomp first and
the Tap Dogs first. Staff stayed for opening night and closing night
parties. We met awesome talents in shows and on staff.

You didn't need a social life, this job was your social life.
But all that has changed. The bulk of the people don't know what the
job used to be like because they haven't been there that long. They
haven't suffered through some of the crazy festivals - 8 hour operas.
They don't miss Robert LePage and his shows that were larger than life.
They haven't lived the excitement of a World Stage that was sold out
before it even started. And I feel sorry for them. I feel sorry that
I've come to despise my part time job. I feel sorry that no one seems
to push the limits in arts programming that kept people talking for

But I'll have my memories... Today's Japan; The Three Lives of Lucie
Cabrol; The Trick is to Keep Breathing; DV8; Robert LePage; Caroline
O'Connor (who made me cry, told me that she saw me in the front row and
did the show for me, made me laugh while we sucked back some beer);
Yimimangaliso; Tap Dogs (Ben Mayne where are you?); Carbone 14; Que
Circe; Yousou N'Dour; Cassandra Wilson; the old African man that
performed at the Bamboo in his language and despite not understanding a
word he had the audience silenced by his beauty; Bill T Jones; Learie
McNicholl ; the tents in the parking lot; and so much more.


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