Tuesday 5:54pm 10Oct06
I spent the bulk of the morning in search of some message to make me feel better.
Been stressed out about my health. Feeling sorry for myself to be only 42 years old and feel like my body is falling apart.
My level of motivation has been pretty low when I know I can be far more enthusiastic about my life and my interests/passions. Been worrying about my finances because of all the cash I've been dropping for my natural health remedies. Thank God I have the new kitten otherwise who knows how deep into the dark place my mind would take me.
After I admitted to my depressive feelings this morning I sat on a mat on the floor and did a meditation and the SA TA NA MA chant that apparently helps to lead you to neutral mind. Both helped to an extent but I still felt that I needed something. I called in late to work and I turned on my television in search of either Creflo Dollar or Joyce Myer, two Christians who I've caught a time or two that have given me some solace or hit on a topical subject that was timely for me. I passed out and had these dreams with all this religious stuff going in and out of my dreams, prayers and blessings and inner circle healing. I woke up to Dr. Mike Murdock (not someone I would normally watch) and found his chat was helpful:
The Law of Recognition
- Everything you want is already in your life merely awaiting your recognition of it. (my health, my writing career, whatever else I dream of or desire)
- Anything uncelebrated will exit your life. The more thankful you are the more good/ increase in your life.
-Recognition of the voice of the Holy Spirit. God never screams, God whispers. (listen to your inner voice, intuition, doubt)
- Recognition of your assignment. Everything created solves a problem. What you love to think about, what you love to talk about is your assignment. You're not assigned to everybody, you're assigned to somebody. Who's tears affect you. Who's success obsesses you?
- Your assignment is always to a place. You don't belong every where. There's a place where your gift will blossom. There is a place where you are celebrated. Somebody's future depends on your presence. Money is waiting for you in your place of assignment.
- You will only succeed when your assignment becomes an obsession.
- Your assignment will require seasons of preparation.
- Recognition of the mate God has approved for you. Think twice before marrying (involving yourself with) someone if they don't have a passion for pleasure, willingness to listen, desire to protect.
So as I look back on my notes I see that my good health is awaiting my recognition of it. My writing discipline is awaiting my recognition of it.
I am thankful for having my own place that I can relax in. I am thankful for all the resources I have at my fingertips. I am thankful for the friends that show me on a regular basis that my presence in their lives means something to them. I acknowledge a whole whack of other things I have to be grateful for.
I choose to listen to my inner voice that warns me against certain men that have entered my life and that asks me to be kinder to some of the others. My inner voice tells me to turn off the television and write instead. Pick up a certain book, meditate, chant, sleep it off, call in late.
I'm not sure who's tears affect me but I know who's success obsesses me... JK Rowling, Jennifer Lopez (her ability to conquer what she sets her sights on except maybe Love), Rick Mercer (Canadian comic, writer, producer who gets to travel across Canada because of his work).
In a nutshell, the whole experience got me to reframe my thoughts. Look at the positives that are always there and get me far enough out of my funk to get my ass up and face the day.