April Fool

1Apr06 9:57pm

I got my only April Fools joke provided by google.com, if you can
believe it. While in my gmail account I saw a link to some new romance
thing that google was starting. I don't even know why I checked it out
because I'm not exactly the person to try matchmaking via the internet
but because I was at my part-time job not doing much I decided that I'd
goof around. I took the tour of <a
href="http://www.google.com/romance//"> http://www.google.com/romance/
</a> and decided to click one of the links about , "if you're date
doesn't work out click here" and of course that's when I found out that
google had done an elaborate April Fool's joke. Too funny! And it
wasn't their first time. Now I'll have to remember that for next year
and try to find out what their joke is.

A short day at work today. I walked home because I'm trying to move
more and lose a few of those winter pounds. ha! Being that it's a
Saturday, I had the big plan to do my laundry because most people go
out on Saturday but much to my chagrin every freakin' tenant has
learned that it's the best time to do your laundry in this apartment
building. So, I had to do one load at a time. The benefit is that I
walked up and down four flights of stairs about 8 times so it was
another built in work out.

Now I'm just limin' listening to music and enjoying my fate.
tee hee hee!

It's just nice not to be stressed out, arguing with a boyfriend, or
worrying about any little thing that can pop into a person's mind in
any given moment. Maybe there is hope for me yet.

Wednesday night I went out for a drink with one of my work mates. How
is it that these things start off so innocently? W invited Ted and Jeff
out as well. Jeff, who I'd never met before, was very personable. We
hit it off like a house on fire. We talked about all sorts of stuff,
general and personal. Cracked eachother up and the whole nine. We got
into a discussion of what attracts us to subsequent romantic liasons.
He asked me what I looked for or what attracted me. As I am one of
those people that likes different things about different people I
wasn't readily able to say just what it is that I like. In Montreal we
call it a certain, Je ne sais quoi which means, I don't know what but
sounds better in French.

I say to Jeff as long as you are not a Capricorn. All of a sudden he's
at the other end of the bar and I most likely yelled, (because I can
get passionate - some people call it loud!) "YOU'RE A CAPRICORN!"
He nodded his head with a smile and said, "my birthday is December
28th."

"DECEMBER 28TH!"

Then I proceed to tell him that not only have I gone out with two
different men named Jeff they were both born on December 28th. Now how
freaky is that? They both ultimately turned out to be bad experiences.
I said it feels at times that God cracks a joke and this was one of
them. I don't always learn my lesson the first time around but I
certainly learn the second time around.

The first Jeff was a 5 year on again off again stint and having not
learned my lesson the first time and asking no one in particular (or
maybe God?) with the second Jeff, "how bad can it be the second time?"
Well, that relationship lasted a whopping two months. All I'm going to
say in case anyone actually ever comes across this bloggy EY page is
that it only lasted two months for a few reasons.
1 - I sometimes give up on people and I was worried that maybe I was
too hard on people and I should give him a chance.
2 - In the second month it was close to Christmas and it's just not
nice to dump some one at Christmas. But Christmas happened and boxing
day went by and the day before his birthday I was thinking, "I can't
have this person close to my spirit crushing me another day longer and
especially not in the New Year! I'd rather be alone. I broke up with
him the day before his birthday and can I just say, never looked back.
Of course there are bigger reasons that this but I'm not that
vindictive to blab it here. He knows what happened.

Now, I decided that this year would be more of a yes year and less of a
no year. What I mean of course is that I would say yes to trying
different things, meeting new people and getting out more outside of my
comfort zone. I have many friends that I regularly hang out with but
considering the bulk of those people are my work mates from my
full-time gig (married men) and my work mates from my part-time gig
(gay men). My chances of meeting single men that I would consider
dating are beyond slim. It's kind of hard to approach a woman who is
sitting at a table with six men. And the gay bar scene isn't conducive
for a straight woman to meet a straight man, in case you were
wondering. I get copious amounts of hugs from really attractive men and
some of them even give me their number for me to call them and let them
know when I'll be at the gay bar again, but not a date with a straight
man yet. And really, if you meet a so called straight man at a gay bar
are you going to wonder, does he swing both ways? I'm just asking!

Last week, however, I met a woman. Now it's not what you're thinking. I
went to a fund raiser for my friend A. I went with my other two gay
male friends H and J. So here I sit chatting and laughing on one of the
couches with my three gay male friends. Having a wonderful time. I
happen to look over at the other couch and there sits a woman with her
three gay male friends laughing and chatting. Our eyes meet and we both
burst out laughing.
I say, "we got to give this stuff up and go out together to a straight
bar and meet some straight men."

She agreed and we exchanged phone numbers. Let's see if we follow
through on it but it's a step in the right direction.
It's a step in the right direction.

I've spent so much of my time not focused on male/female relationships
that now I'm willing to make it more of a priority. Not still a top
priority but making myself more available for the possibility. In some
ways I really want to meet that one person that I can talk to and have
fun with and share my life with. I do have a lot to offer someone and
I'm a to the wall loyal type of person but I've come to realize that
not just anyone fits that bill. Just because someone is nice doesn't
mean he's faithful etc etc ad nauseum...

One thing I like in a relationship which to me is like my many
friendships is the ability to go to a party and be off in a
conversation with other people while my significant other is off in a
conversation with completely different people and in the midst of
talking our eyes meet across the room and there is a wink, a smile, a
kiss blown in the air, some sort of contact. I had that in one
relationship with Kevin. Every so often I'd go and get him a beer and
walk up to him, not interrupt his conversation, take his empty, slip
the full bottle into his hand and walk back to whoever else I was
talking to. He always commented on how much he loved that. Especially
since he always paid for everything, I think it was nice for him to
have his girlfriend pay and not just wait for him to open his wallet.
He reciprocated by coming and grabbing me away from my conversation to
dance to a song that he knew I liked.

We never felt that we had to be joined at the hip and yet we always had
built in time that we shared together to enjoy ourselves.

I also like a man that can find things to occupy his time while I'm
writing. There's nothing better than having a man's presence without
feeling like I have to give him my undivided attention. I write, he
reads a book, draws, does the dishes (whatever) and I work on my
writing. Every so often I stop to get a kiss or say something that
cracks us both up and I go back to my words. It's a reassuring feeling
and makes writing less of a solitary pursuit. I love the solitary but I
really love a low maintenance companion in my solitary. You dig?

I can remember growing up and my step father would get so pissed off if
my mom was sitting in the kitchen with me and not in the living room
watching television with him. She was in the house for crying out loud.
Why would any one want to watch television only because their partner
is? It seems ridiculous to me. Maybe it's just me. I do know many
couples that have to watch t.v. together.

One of the good things with 'Jeff Dec 28th lasted two months' was that
in the mornings I would read whatever book I was currently on and he
would do his crossword puzzle from the daily star. To me that was
quality time. If either of us wanted to talk, we'd say something and if
we didn't we wouldn't.

Who knows what will happen but this year is more of a yes year and less
of a no year for me amidst all the writing of course.