30 April 2006

Living an Inspired Life

Sunday 12:40pm 30Apr06

If every single person spent time only where he accomplished the
greatest good for himself and the person he was with, the world would
change in a day. It is important to spend time in ways that promote
your highest good. If something is not for your highest good, I can
guarantee that it is not for the highest good of the planet or others
You may ask, what am I here to do that will bring me joy? Each one of
you has things that you love to do. There is not one person alive who
does not have something he loves to do. Pg.21 Living with Joy - Keys
to Personal Power & Spiritual Transformation by Sanaya Roman

Imagine what we would all be like if we were doing things that were for
our highest good? What kind of attitude would I have?

When my writing was my number one priority, not too many things could
get me down. I can remember when I didn't get involved with petty
gossip and didn't care about work politics. Even nasty customers
couldn't affect me.

My saying years ago was, "If I'm noticing all the crap that's going on
then I've taken my eyes off the goal." That saying really worked for
me. I knew where I wanted to be. I'm not really sure where that all
went. I guess I lost trust in the process. I started to worry about
money. I tried to maintain many friendships and relationships like
normal people. I wanted to feel more included. I wanted to be an

I realize that I have always been an outsider, an observer. It's what
made me want to write. I've always been the one that hears information
of a too personal nature. I knew stuff about the grown ups when I was
little that no other child knew. I witnessed inappropriate and
traumatic things.
I always thought, "that's an interesting story."
I always wanted to write about it.

When I was 7 and 8 years old, my mother used to tell her guests,"I
watch how Shelley reacts to you. If there is ever a person in my house
that Shelley doesn't talk to then I just know that person isn't
trustworthy. "
I truly was an observer.

Maybe writing is indeed my higher purpose. Maybe I'm not meant to be an
insider surrounded by many friends living the overly sociable life.
It's not like trying to be an insider ever did anything for me. In my
quest to maintain friendships I made my writing secondary. I woke up to
find out that their lives kept moving forward and mine kinda stood
still. They became "busy" and I became the loser that still called
regularly living a rather ordinary existence. What the hell was I

With my depression diagnosis I had to face that my thoughts put me
there and my thoughts would also get me out. I had to make time to
focus on what I wanted and come to terms with myself as an outsider.
I'll probably always be on the fringes, some one that doesn't totally
fit in. I am the product of that little girl that went to a new school
every year. Although I have lifelong friends, there is most likely
going to be a revolving door of acquaintances. Is that bad? Do I really
need to feel like I'm in the center of some great big community that I
can turn to? How much of this living have I done by myself anyway?

With the wrong friends comes the influence that makes me want to keep
up with the Joneses when that's not even my personality type. I don't
want to live in a condo. I've never been interested in owning a house.
As long as I have the things that I need, I could care less where I
live. Being an insider puts me in line for the lectures on why I should
want more of what they have. Why I shouldn't be single. Why I should
feel inferior because I'm not pretty enough, rich enough, quiet enough,
loved enough and all the judgements that I never paid attention to when
I kept my eyes on the goal -- being a writer. Plus my real friends
would never make me feel like that.

My higher purpose is my writing. My gift is my writing. It's a gift to
people who want to escape. People who want to survive. People who want
to be inspired. People who want to learn something about how others
live, love and whatever else I want to make it. My writing has to be my
priority, my focus, taking me step by step by step to my highest good.
It's the only time I've ever truly been happy within my life.

Wayne Dyer calls it living an inspired life. I want to feel good. I
want to live an inspired life and dammit I'm going to do that starting
today. ha ha

Well my above thoughts are more than a little rambling but a start on
the focus of what I want for the EY Page. Writing2live. Living an
inspired life. Living my dreams. My mistakes in the process and past
failures in my mind. What I've learned and what works for me now. Who
says I know anything anyway?

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