Crush Self Doubt

Wednesday 27Aug08 12:27pm

When one door closes another one opens. So I’m trying to believe that as I hold the tears at bay.
Boy oh boy crappy things really can happen, can’t they? And with all the law of attraction I know about and all that it’s easy to fall into just sitting with the negativity having a good cry and asking the cosmos ‘WHY?”

I’m not really sure what this is all about. What is the purpose? But I can’t ask why, I just need to ask, What do I choose now?

It’s ironic that I would receive that message from Neale Donald Walsh of conversations with God fame. I get regular emails entitled ‘I believe God wants you to know.’ And most recently the message I’ve kept at my desk is this:

On this day of your life, dear friend, I believe God wants you to know...
...that "Why is this happening?" is the most useless question in the Universe.

The only really profitable question is, "What?" As in, "What do I choose now?" This question empowers. The "why" question simply perplexes, and rarely satisfies even when it gets a good answer.

So don't try to "figure it out." Stop it. Just focus on what you now wish to create. Keep moving forward. There's nothing behind you that can possibly serve you better than your highest thoughts about tomorrow.

You will not have to think but a second to know exactly why you received this message today. end


It was appropriate when I received it and it’s even more appropriate today. I’ve got a question to ask to reframe my thoughts and move my focus forward.

What do I choose now? I do not know the reasoning behind why I am having all these issues, Maybe I want what I want too much. I don’t really know. There is apparently a method to all this madness.

It’s hard to be optimistic when I keep getting slapped right down. I honestly don’t know what to do other than ask the question, what do I choose now, and keep asking it until I figure out what to choose. I know that being depressed serves no real purpose which is a vast improvement on the way my thoughts can work. Depression is a choice, it follows my thoughts. It’s that simple.

I feel like I am dodging bullets left right and centre. And the bullet grazes hurt like hell. So the positive side of that is, imagine how much worse the full on effect of being hit by the proverbial bullets? Apparently with the Kevlar vest, there is still bruising.

And today’s card from Christin Snider is absolutely perfect with all this.

Today's Card: Ace of Clubs (Wands)

In this card the scepter reaches out from the clouds like the hand of heaven. Behind it lies the hill with a beautiful castle.
Wands/Clubs signify new beginnings, the seeds of ideas, fresh starts, and manifesting our energy in ways that allow us to reach our goals.

Where thoughts flow so does our energy, so it becomes very important to direct our thoughts (and therefore our energy) in empowered ways.
Rather than focus on what's "wrong" or potential failure etc, it is important to keep our eyes turned towards the goal, and more importantly to stay motivated and encouraged now so that the goal doesn't seem so elusive.

The success of a journey is not merely the destination, but all the growth and opportunities that occur on all phases, from initial thoughts and planning, to action and then ultimately to achievement.

Ace's often carry with them some element of surprise or hidden opportunity, so make the most of all situations that present themselves to you. Look for new approaches to old challenges as well.

You may find yourself surprised by a sudden change in plans, go for the change :), happiness comes in surprise packages.

The Ace of Clubs reminds us that it is necessary for you to make the first step, to try something different, and be on the lookout for new ideas. Be receptive and open to the possibility of change/alternatives being presented. end

So there I go, there I go, there I go! Depression does nothing, being sad does nothing, asking why does nothing. I have one way to go and that is up. What the bleep do I choose now?
When you feel like your life is falling apart maybe it’s just a sign that it has to fall apart, you have to tear the sucker down and then you can build a new life, the life you really want.

And so I post this now, while I’m at work, because if there is anyone out there who feels like shit today and asks for that little miracle and happens along this blog, this could be your miracle. Miracles don’t have to be big. They can be about knowing that you are not alone.

A Japanese proverb that I found recently: Fall seven times, stand up eight!

EY

Law of Attraction

Wednesday 23Apr08 5:08am

I've started a daily practice of spending quiet reflective time before I go to bed. It's my deliberate creation time where I just lie in bed and think about what I want next, what I want to create. I've pulled out one of my favorite books, Creating Money by Sanaya Roman and Duane Packer. I read a few pages and then contemplate what I've read or find ways to apply it.

I like the Jerry and Esther Hicks Abraham material but find for me that the Sanaya Roman stuff really works. What I like about her work is that she makes you think about the essence of what you want and it gives you something to do to create the energy behind creating what you want.

Almost everything I've read mentions spending quiet, reflective time, aside from meditation, to think and listen and currently it feels like the time for me. Plus it gives me the excuse to lie in bed. ha ha! My bed bought during the pain of 2007 (spit on the ground everytime 2007 is mentioned) is the most comfortable bed I've ever slept in. And considering how much I love sleeping, imagine a world class sleeper sleeping in a comfortable bed. You too would look for opportunities to jump into it.

But I digress...

Last night I read this quote from Creating Money on page 10:
"On the earth plane you learn about manifesting in a linear, sequential way. You get to think about what you want, you get to rethink it, and you get to try it out. You can say, 'No, this isn't what I really wanted,' or 'Next time I think I'll ask for something different.' You have the opportunity to play with all the things you create. ...Practice becoming clear on your thoughts before they are manifested all about you."

I get to a good quote and stop reading the book and reflect on that quote. So as I fell asleep last night I went down with that quote. What I've also started doing is in the morning, when I wake up, I take about 15 minutes or so to listen and ease into getting up. In keeping with that quote, my thoughts were swirling over the things I've deliberately created in my life and the disappointments. I'm actually really good at creating what I want but the disappointments or the things that are missing have stopped me. I started to believe that somehow I was creating bad luck.

Hmm, I'll quote from this morning's journal entry, since I seemed to explain it better there:
I've had some fear behind creating and attracting because I know I'm really good at it but I feel that when I've gotten what I've wanted that there's been some big nightmare attached to it. For example, romantic heartbreak; the working for the life coach nightmare; group sales at OSC, relationship with chronically unavailable man... I've attached fear to deliberately creating because it feels like it fucks up.
But I realize that I need to adjust once I recognize that what I've attracted isn't quite up to par. Plus relax and know that I haven't failed.
... I name a bunch of things that I've created that have been excellent...
But as with everything I can't stop there. I need to then contemplate what's next to attract. As long as we're alive we KEEP attracting. And as we heal we attract healthier. So currently as I attract and as I see what is missing for me in it, I attract what else I want. I need to stop forcing a person or a job into being what's missing. Look at what I've attracted and adjust the list. Based on what I think is missing, write up what I want and live the essence. Things become stagnant because my attracting becomes stagnant.

Anyway, that's the journal entry and I'm feeling like it was a good epiphany for me to move forward. I was being a bit of a perfectionist and when my creations weren't perfect I was disillusioned. I think that's really important for people to recognize who are all wound into the law of attraction movement. I don't think that it's mentioned as clearly, or I've been stubbornly missing that part all this time. But somehow I think that it's not mentioned enough that as you create what you want and discover all these discrepancies (can't think of the right word, it is 5am) that you then zero in on those discrepancies and rethink them, or say, no this isn't what I wanted, or next time I'll ask for something different.

Or, I really love this part of it but I need more of this other stuff.

I was going to sign off by saying, Okay KY time! But I feel uncomfortable calling Kundalini Yoga KY because it makes me think of KY jelly. Okay I'm going to go lube myself now! ha ha

EY