I got my first passport last year. I've never had a passport before. I've never done any world travelling, although it has always been in the back of my mind. It was just never a consideration for many years, for many reasons. Financial being one of them.
Of course as life would have it, the moment I received my passport my friend who lives in Bermuda told me that she had a friend who was going on vacation for 10 days and needed someone to housesit. Someone who likes cats and I was the first person she thought of. Yes I jumped at the chance to go and it really was a little paradise. Talk about lighting a writer's imagination on fire about moving to an island and writing for the rest of her days. At the very least, I'd like Bermuda to be one of my regular destinations.
The main motivation that got me off my backside and going through the challenges of getting a passport (didn't have a proper birth certificate nor photo id) was my Aussie chum who invited me to come and visit him in Australia. Really it's all the motivation anyone needs. I simply couldn't be the person who passed up this chance. Plus Australia has always been a dream long before I met my buddy. I bought my ticket back in May 2013 and I leave this Wednesday evening.
This morning while I got ready for work in the middle of the shower I exclaimed out loud, "OH MY GOD, I'm going to AUSTRALIA!" ha-ha! Better in the shower than on my walk to work.
At work, I emailed a girlfriend to say that I was so distracted that I kept forgetting what work I was working on. "I'm going to Australia and a Boy called... THIS HAS NEVER HAPPENED BEFORE!"
And so there is so much going on in my head and my emotions. I'm trying to learn how to live with happiness. Can you believe that? I realize I'm never shy in anger and I'm used to dealing with the bad things or hard things in life. But the good? How do I move into that reality with comfort and keep it?
It's been an interesting few months because there are these parallel attentions that are so clear cut. There have been the work issues and frustrations, as usual, and there is this good stuff, really good stuff that is happening. It's like I'm skate boarding in traffic and I've got to pick a lane quick. I veer into the lane of frustrations and have to catch myself and remind myself that , "no Shelley, all this other stuff is happening that is wonderful beyond your imagination, put your thoughts back over here and let go of obsessing on that crap."
It's interesting to find this out about myself. I can honestly say that I've worked on getting myself to this current place for at least the last 6 years. And now I'm here and I'm still scared that I could jinx it.
I love Louise Hay's affirmation, "All is well in my world," and I've been saying it as much as possible everyday. I slow my mind down and slow my breath down and remind myself, All is well in my world.
For the first time ever, I feel like my life is making sense. Being at my current job makes sense. Living with my cats and planning my own life with my own beliefs and rituals makes sense. Healing all that I've needed to heal makes sense.
And as always, in keeping with my themes, this year's theme is Love. Actually I BELIEVE it's the theme for this year and beyond.
I love when the writer Nancy Huston talked about people who are single for a fair amount of time, she asked, "where does the love go?"
"It doesn't mean that they don't have any love in their lives or they don't give any love. It's just not seen in the traditional ways."
I love that thought because for all the jokes that people have made about me loving cats or ending up being an old lady living with 30 cats, that's one of the places that I put my love. I love animals. I've loved animals since I was a kid. I will never be embarrassed for loving animals.
I love my friends. I make it as easy as possible for particular friends to say yes to spending time with me. Whether it's taking the subway to their part of the city or going to Australia, that's where I put my love.
I love to write and I've got to find what ways work for me to put my love into my writing. And it may not even have to be being published in the traditional way.
I see the purpose that my job serves, aside from being an arts subsidy (ha-ha!) And there are a lot of aspects that I love about it but if I'm going to be there I've got to commit in different ways. My company has companies around the world. If there was ever a thought of living somewhere else this is the work that could get me there.
And I've met this adorable man. A sweet, gentle guy. And it feels really, really good. And who knows where this is going? And that's an excruciatingly wonderful feeling. You know, the wait is excruciating and the contact makes me grin, right?
And this is my life, that is making sense to me. The wonderful things and people of my choosing and a couple of things (my job and writing) that need to be re-worked. That's life too.
I'm getting to travel and my next big plan to save for is to go to an elephant sanctuary in Thailand to volunteer for a week or more.
So I think I'm becoming conscious of the question I didn't know I'd been asking all along, where do I want to put my love?
EY
Showing posts with label Goals. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Goals. Show all posts
21 February 2014
29 November 2012
Enjoying the Quiet
I haven't had much to say over the last couple months. I feel like I'm plugged into a unit recharging myself. I've been mostly okay with it thinking, if you don't got it, you don't got it. I do have to keep reminding myself that it's part of the cycle of living. We go through quiet moments and it's okay to simply exist in the quiet.
Things have been great at my day job. Great in the way that staying and fighting the good fight and witnessing the changes in committing to stay rather than run away. All through my life I've been the person to move on. I think it's a symptom of having moved a lot as a kid. No problem was ever too big to walk away from. Or, if I had a problem it was no big deal because we'd probably be moving soon and I wouldn't have to face the problem anymore. It's not easy to speak your mind every single day at every opportunity when people misunderstand us. My worry was always that I would come across as the angry Black woman. I know if I'm just seen as the angry Black woman then no one will ever 'HEAR' what I'm saying.
I stayed even with the worry. I stayed and consistently spoke my mind. I stayed and things have become so good for me in my position, relationships have surpassed what I could ever believe they could have become. I stayed and this current state of contentment has made me quiet. Last week I was able to move into the realization that I don't have to fight anymore. People are listening to me. People are valuing the work that I do. So now that I don't have to be on hyper alert what shall I do?
I've been contemplating my personal 9 year and what past junk I can get rid of, heal myself from. Behaviours and mind sets that have served me well in the past but are no longer needed, like my nature to run away. I remember a friend Jordan saying to me years ago that we often carry survival techniques with us that served us well when we were in crisis but can sabotage our lives when we are no longer in crisis. Those words have always stayed with me in a profound way.
It is astounding to me to have witnessed someone who didn't believe a word I said to seeing that person value my opinion and ideas. That has been a truly powerful experience and lesson for me. And so I'm still in my quiet. I am deep breathing, meditative breathing, into my quiet. I am listening to what my silence has to say to me. What other powers might I have if I stick to one goal? What other survival techniques can I transform?
I've been quietly unearthing my buried treasure. I've been thinking about the light, my light, that I have to offer. It's a little flickering candle at the moment. I've been nurturing it and very mindful of those who would blow on it with insensitivity. I've been acknowledging my fragility, that's the part I never admit to. I like to scare people out of affecting my fragility. I scare people by being the elephant trampling everything in her path. I scare people by being the deadly Mother bear who runs at danger with hysterical fear protecting her baby cub.
Now that I know how to do that, use those survival techniques to protect my fragility, my little flickering candle, how do I learn how to share myself with openness? How do I bring the self protective side and the fragile side out together? That is my goal to work on in my Personal 1 year in 2013.
30 April 2012
Blue Metropolis
I realized at some point in March that I was in a bit of a rut. I had become so accustomed to living in pain that now that I'm not in pain I'm still living my life as if I were. I made myself a commitment that I would make it a point to enjoy my life more, even if I had to schedule things. As it happens, when you make a commitment, the next email I received was from Blue Metropolis in Montreal and it was their events and dates.
Sometimes I don't have to be hammered over the head before I get things. I decided that I would attend. I haven't been to Montreal in at least 5 years and the way the scheduling worked, I would be free in the mornings to do what ever I wanted. I realized that everyone would be at work during the week so I knew I wouldn't be seeing too many people. Because I stayed at my best-friend's house, I drove into town with him every morning and did my own thing.
I made plans with my Aunt and a couple cousins to meet up for lunches. When in Montreal, I've got to eat everything that I cannot get in Toronto. Like good Smoked Meat sandwiches, Lafleur's hot dogs, bagels, good pizza (although Pizza Nova Toronto comes close). My mom used to get mad at me because I never wanted home cooking, I just wanted fast food but in the end she got over it when she realized she didn't have to cook.
Wednesday I got my location figured out. Hotel Opus, where Blue Met was being held, was in the perfect spot at Sherbrooke and St Lawrence. It's close to the Mountain, Close to Smoked meat sandwiches (although I didn't go to Schwartz's deli, I went to Salaison Slovenia for Smoked meat and hot salami combo), downtown, and close to a zillion Metro stations (Subway stations, if you've never been to Montreal.) The people at the Hotel were awesome, friendly, always smiling, made me feel comfortable when I was just hanging out in the lobby for my next event. Apparently it was the first year that Blue Met was held there.
Thursday I had breakfast at Eggspectation on De Maisonneuve near Crescent, after walking past riot police surrounding a handful of protesting students. If there's going to be drama let it not be mine. lol
Eggspectation was a brilliant choice, baked beans with sausage and eggs!?! Never thought of that. Loved it.
Everyone was so friendly. It's not the Montreal of old, when you spoke English and people were pissy with you because of it. Everyone said, "Bonjour, Hello." The French has to come first but at least the English does come and not grudgingly. What a pleasant surprise. I left there and rode the Park Ave (Avenue du Parc) bus all the way to the end and back. Located St. Viateur, which unfortunately I never had a chance to get back to for St. Viateurs bagels because of the student protest on Sunday. I walked over to the Dairy Queen on Park Avenue, near the mountain, and could remember being 4 years old and standing in line with my Mother and my Brother on a hot summer night to get some ice cream. I swear that DQ has had to have been there for at least 50 years. I guess they do well! I walked a block over where KayVan Furniture used to be and looked at our old place, the first place I can remember living at.
It's spooky how much I can still remember and how the same it looked. It looks the way I remember. I wrote down the address for my journalling and went and sat at the foot of the Mountain until it was time to make my way to meet up with my Aunt and my cousin, her youngest son for lunch. We had lunch at a Portuguese restaurant and caught up. It's been so long since I've been around family that it was nice. Just as we were about to eat, I stopped and looked at them both and said, "Oh my Mom is here!"
They both looked at me suspiciously. I told them that the first song I heard after spreading my mother's ashes on the Mountain back in 1997 was the song, "You Gotta Be" by Des'ree and that song was playing in the restaurant.
I said, "It's like she came to visit and to let us know that she's happy we're together."
I haven't heard that song in years.
Friday morning I was supposed to spend with my Aunt's older son but he had to cancel so I had the morning to myself. Of course it was cold and raining. Not to be deterred, I walked from my BF's work to Atwater Metro, got a day pass and a map and got on the metro. I went to Villa Maria Station and checked out the place we used to live in at the corner of Monkland and Decarie Blvd. Place is all renovated and looks nice, I'd live there now, if I could be a full-time writer and didn't have to go to a 9 to 5 job. ha-ha! We lived there until we moved to British Columbia for a year.
I walked to the first place we lived after we moved from Park Avenue, which was down the street on Decarie Blvd just above Notre Dame De Grace. The place looks the same and still has a furniture place underneath. We seemed to have a furniture theme for a minute there. Only now they sell Antiques. The old guy that owned the entire building when I was a kid died years before my mom did. Been trying to remember his name and somehow I keep thinking it was Chesterfield. Funny!
I walked along N.D.G towards Girourd Ave to where my elementary school used to be, down Girourd towards Sherbrooke through Girourd park where one summer in the 1970's it was overrun with bats. I remembered the bushes that ran all the way down through the park and when we were kids we would run through the middle of those bushes.
I walked over to Sherbrooke and Decarie where we lived when we got back from living in BC. They were important places, those homes on Decarie. The first one with my father and all that entailed, the second one being on the run and ultimately leaving the city and the third place coming back and feeling safer. Or better yet, The first place I was an outgoing child who would perform if you asked me to and by the time we moved to the third place, I was shy and quiet.
I left there bussed it back to Villa Maria and metroed it to Angrignon Station in Ville LaSalle to bus it to the place I lived from the age of 11 to about 15. It was the only place that we lived that enabled me to stay in the same school once I started High School. We moved again but I refused to change schools. It was a traumatic place, with violence and knowing more than a child should and superstitions like, "If you laugh all day, you'll cry all night." That superstition was proved time and again and for many years in my life as an adult, I continued to believe it until I decided to change that belief. I still get nervous if I laugh all day.
I stood outside that house and talked to myself. It's the place where I could never be sure if I'd even see the future. It was the place where I started to write. It was the place where I lost my good feelings about myself. It was the place where I learned that stress can make you physically sick. It was the place where so many things happened that I need to write about them but for the most part I felt like I exorcised them just with my presence and facing them down. Yes I survived it and I've changed so many of my beliefs that were born there.
As I stood there, I wondered about the energy of me as a little girl, if in some other dimension she is still living that life. I pretended that my now self could meet my then self and tell her to hang in there, you're going to make it. And as I walked away, I burst into tears.
Before I left Toronto, I had dinner with a girlfriend and I was telling her that I was having some anxiety attacks over going home. I didn't know what it was but I thought maybe this was the opportunity to go face down some longstanding demons. I said to her, "I've been through so much and I never stop to acknowledge the strength it took to survive. I don't know my own strength."
When I walked away from that house in tears, I realized my own strength. I had to have a helluva lot to make it through those tests. And I did. I do.
I took the Lapierre bus to Lafleur and Clement and had a great lunch at LaFleur's restaurant of Michigan hot dogs (hot dogs with spaghetti sauce) and French fries. If nothing else, everyone knows I have to have Lafleur's when I'm in town. The first thing everybody says is, "LaFleurs?" and I say, "Of course!"
The rest of my weekend was spent indoors at the Hotel Opus attending my writer's festival. I couldn't have imagined nor intended a better vacation. It was a little bit of everything that I needed.
EY
Sometimes I don't have to be hammered over the head before I get things. I decided that I would attend. I haven't been to Montreal in at least 5 years and the way the scheduling worked, I would be free in the mornings to do what ever I wanted. I realized that everyone would be at work during the week so I knew I wouldn't be seeing too many people. Because I stayed at my best-friend's house, I drove into town with him every morning and did my own thing.
I made plans with my Aunt and a couple cousins to meet up for lunches. When in Montreal, I've got to eat everything that I cannot get in Toronto. Like good Smoked Meat sandwiches, Lafleur's hot dogs, bagels, good pizza (although Pizza Nova Toronto comes close). My mom used to get mad at me because I never wanted home cooking, I just wanted fast food but in the end she got over it when she realized she didn't have to cook.
Wednesday I got my location figured out. Hotel Opus, where Blue Met was being held, was in the perfect spot at Sherbrooke and St Lawrence. It's close to the Mountain, Close to Smoked meat sandwiches (although I didn't go to Schwartz's deli, I went to Salaison Slovenia for Smoked meat and hot salami combo), downtown, and close to a zillion Metro stations (Subway stations, if you've never been to Montreal.) The people at the Hotel were awesome, friendly, always smiling, made me feel comfortable when I was just hanging out in the lobby for my next event. Apparently it was the first year that Blue Met was held there.
Thursday I had breakfast at Eggspectation on De Maisonneuve near Crescent, after walking past riot police surrounding a handful of protesting students. If there's going to be drama let it not be mine. lol
Eggspectation was a brilliant choice, baked beans with sausage and eggs!?! Never thought of that. Loved it.
Everyone was so friendly. It's not the Montreal of old, when you spoke English and people were pissy with you because of it. Everyone said, "Bonjour, Hello." The French has to come first but at least the English does come and not grudgingly. What a pleasant surprise. I left there and rode the Park Ave (Avenue du Parc) bus all the way to the end and back. Located St. Viateur, which unfortunately I never had a chance to get back to for St. Viateurs bagels because of the student protest on Sunday. I walked over to the Dairy Queen on Park Avenue, near the mountain, and could remember being 4 years old and standing in line with my Mother and my Brother on a hot summer night to get some ice cream. I swear that DQ has had to have been there for at least 50 years. I guess they do well! I walked a block over where KayVan Furniture used to be and looked at our old place, the first place I can remember living at.
It's spooky how much I can still remember and how the same it looked. It looks the way I remember. I wrote down the address for my journalling and went and sat at the foot of the Mountain until it was time to make my way to meet up with my Aunt and my cousin, her youngest son for lunch. We had lunch at a Portuguese restaurant and caught up. It's been so long since I've been around family that it was nice. Just as we were about to eat, I stopped and looked at them both and said, "Oh my Mom is here!"
They both looked at me suspiciously. I told them that the first song I heard after spreading my mother's ashes on the Mountain back in 1997 was the song, "You Gotta Be" by Des'ree and that song was playing in the restaurant.
I said, "It's like she came to visit and to let us know that she's happy we're together."
I haven't heard that song in years.
Friday morning I was supposed to spend with my Aunt's older son but he had to cancel so I had the morning to myself. Of course it was cold and raining. Not to be deterred, I walked from my BF's work to Atwater Metro, got a day pass and a map and got on the metro. I went to Villa Maria Station and checked out the place we used to live in at the corner of Monkland and Decarie Blvd. Place is all renovated and looks nice, I'd live there now, if I could be a full-time writer and didn't have to go to a 9 to 5 job. ha-ha! We lived there until we moved to British Columbia for a year.
I walked to the first place we lived after we moved from Park Avenue, which was down the street on Decarie Blvd just above Notre Dame De Grace. The place looks the same and still has a furniture place underneath. We seemed to have a furniture theme for a minute there. Only now they sell Antiques. The old guy that owned the entire building when I was a kid died years before my mom did. Been trying to remember his name and somehow I keep thinking it was Chesterfield. Funny!
I walked along N.D.G towards Girourd Ave to where my elementary school used to be, down Girourd towards Sherbrooke through Girourd park where one summer in the 1970's it was overrun with bats. I remembered the bushes that ran all the way down through the park and when we were kids we would run through the middle of those bushes.
I walked over to Sherbrooke and Decarie where we lived when we got back from living in BC. They were important places, those homes on Decarie. The first one with my father and all that entailed, the second one being on the run and ultimately leaving the city and the third place coming back and feeling safer. Or better yet, The first place I was an outgoing child who would perform if you asked me to and by the time we moved to the third place, I was shy and quiet.
I left there bussed it back to Villa Maria and metroed it to Angrignon Station in Ville LaSalle to bus it to the place I lived from the age of 11 to about 15. It was the only place that we lived that enabled me to stay in the same school once I started High School. We moved again but I refused to change schools. It was a traumatic place, with violence and knowing more than a child should and superstitions like, "If you laugh all day, you'll cry all night." That superstition was proved time and again and for many years in my life as an adult, I continued to believe it until I decided to change that belief. I still get nervous if I laugh all day.
I stood outside that house and talked to myself. It's the place where I could never be sure if I'd even see the future. It was the place where I started to write. It was the place where I lost my good feelings about myself. It was the place where I learned that stress can make you physically sick. It was the place where so many things happened that I need to write about them but for the most part I felt like I exorcised them just with my presence and facing them down. Yes I survived it and I've changed so many of my beliefs that were born there.
As I stood there, I wondered about the energy of me as a little girl, if in some other dimension she is still living that life. I pretended that my now self could meet my then self and tell her to hang in there, you're going to make it. And as I walked away, I burst into tears.
Before I left Toronto, I had dinner with a girlfriend and I was telling her that I was having some anxiety attacks over going home. I didn't know what it was but I thought maybe this was the opportunity to go face down some longstanding demons. I said to her, "I've been through so much and I never stop to acknowledge the strength it took to survive. I don't know my own strength."
When I walked away from that house in tears, I realized my own strength. I had to have a helluva lot to make it through those tests. And I did. I do.
I took the Lapierre bus to Lafleur and Clement and had a great lunch at LaFleur's restaurant of Michigan hot dogs (hot dogs with spaghetti sauce) and French fries. If nothing else, everyone knows I have to have Lafleur's when I'm in town. The first thing everybody says is, "LaFleurs?" and I say, "Of course!"
The rest of my weekend was spent indoors at the Hotel Opus attending my writer's festival. I couldn't have imagined nor intended a better vacation. It was a little bit of everything that I needed.
EY
08 June 2011
Mindbloom
Wednesday 8June11
I had a problem solved recently. I've been trying for 2 years, if not longer to do a television fast. You know, stop watching television for say an entire week or month and get shit done. I couldn't manage to find a way to do it. The moment I walked in the house I was clicking on the TV and had it on Bravo for Law and Order. How many times do you need to see the same episodes? Then it was some other show and another. That 3 hours a night I could have been getting stuff done, like say, writing a novel.
I was mad at myself everyday for being so weak and just not keeping my promise to myself.
And then a friend sent me an invitation to Mindbloom. I was bitter at first. Why are people always sending invitations to some kind of social something? Jeez, I'm facebook, I'm on plurk. I've got 5 email addresses and I spend so much time keeping up with those things it's any wonder I leave the house. Any how I checked it out.
It's a wonderful tree of your goals each branch is a specific area of your life and you start with 3 branches and create actions for those areas and you get seeds for keeping those actions. It's beautiful, it's visual and it's fun to keep track of your goals. The best part is because it costs you seeds to add an action, you really have to think about the most important actions you want to take. And as you go along, you make reasonable goals.
Well since I've been keeping track of my goals and actions on mindbloom, I've been so busy working on what I love that I have had no need to turn on the television. And my tree is looking mighty fine. And it all feeds into my chant, I want to feel good. I think if you click the title to this blog entry it will bring you to tree.mindbloom.com
Oh and as an aside on the man front. The gorgeous guy I'd about given up on has reached out, so he's not totally written off. Phew! I do really like him and I'm mindful that we both need to be choosing each other. I need to make him feel good and he needs to make me feel good if we're ever going anywhere with this very fascinating and exhilarating beginning.
EY
I had a problem solved recently. I've been trying for 2 years, if not longer to do a television fast. You know, stop watching television for say an entire week or month and get shit done. I couldn't manage to find a way to do it. The moment I walked in the house I was clicking on the TV and had it on Bravo for Law and Order. How many times do you need to see the same episodes? Then it was some other show and another. That 3 hours a night I could have been getting stuff done, like say, writing a novel.
I was mad at myself everyday for being so weak and just not keeping my promise to myself.
And then a friend sent me an invitation to Mindbloom. I was bitter at first. Why are people always sending invitations to some kind of social something? Jeez, I'm facebook, I'm on plurk. I've got 5 email addresses and I spend so much time keeping up with those things it's any wonder I leave the house. Any how I checked it out.
It's a wonderful tree of your goals each branch is a specific area of your life and you start with 3 branches and create actions for those areas and you get seeds for keeping those actions. It's beautiful, it's visual and it's fun to keep track of your goals. The best part is because it costs you seeds to add an action, you really have to think about the most important actions you want to take. And as you go along, you make reasonable goals.
Well since I've been keeping track of my goals and actions on mindbloom, I've been so busy working on what I love that I have had no need to turn on the television. And my tree is looking mighty fine. And it all feeds into my chant, I want to feel good. I think if you click the title to this blog entry it will bring you to tree.mindbloom.com
Oh and as an aside on the man front. The gorgeous guy I'd about given up on has reached out, so he's not totally written off. Phew! I do really like him and I'm mindful that we both need to be choosing each other. I need to make him feel good and he needs to make me feel good if we're ever going anywhere with this very fascinating and exhilarating beginning.
EY
27 August 2008
Crush Self Doubt
Wednesday 27Aug08 12:27pm
When one door closes another one opens. So I’m trying to believe that as I hold the tears at bay.
Boy oh boy crappy things really can happen, can’t they? And with all the law of attraction I know about and all that it’s easy to fall into just sitting with the negativity having a good cry and asking the cosmos ‘WHY?”
I’m not really sure what this is all about. What is the purpose? But I can’t ask why, I just need to ask, What do I choose now?
It’s ironic that I would receive that message from Neale Donald Walsh of conversations with God fame. I get regular emails entitled ‘I believe God wants you to know.’ And most recently the message I’ve kept at my desk is this:
On this day of your life, dear friend, I believe God wants you to know...
...that "Why is this happening?" is the most useless question in the Universe.
The only really profitable question is, "What?" As in, "What do I choose now?" This question empowers. The "why" question simply perplexes, and rarely satisfies even when it gets a good answer.
So don't try to "figure it out." Stop it. Just focus on what you now wish to create. Keep moving forward. There's nothing behind you that can possibly serve you better than your highest thoughts about tomorrow.
You will not have to think but a second to know exactly why you received this message today. end
It was appropriate when I received it and it’s even more appropriate today. I’ve got a question to ask to reframe my thoughts and move my focus forward.
What do I choose now? I do not know the reasoning behind why I am having all these issues, Maybe I want what I want too much. I don’t really know. There is apparently a method to all this madness.
It’s hard to be optimistic when I keep getting slapped right down. I honestly don’t know what to do other than ask the question, what do I choose now, and keep asking it until I figure out what to choose. I know that being depressed serves no real purpose which is a vast improvement on the way my thoughts can work. Depression is a choice, it follows my thoughts. It’s that simple.
I feel like I am dodging bullets left right and centre. And the bullet grazes hurt like hell. So the positive side of that is, imagine how much worse the full on effect of being hit by the proverbial bullets? Apparently with the Kevlar vest, there is still bruising.
And today’s card from Christin Snider is absolutely perfect with all this.
Today's Card: Ace of Clubs (Wands)
In this card the scepter reaches out from the clouds like the hand of heaven. Behind it lies the hill with a beautiful castle.
Wands/Clubs signify new beginnings, the seeds of ideas, fresh starts, and manifesting our energy in ways that allow us to reach our goals.
Where thoughts flow so does our energy, so it becomes very important to direct our thoughts (and therefore our energy) in empowered ways.
Rather than focus on what's "wrong" or potential failure etc, it is important to keep our eyes turned towards the goal, and more importantly to stay motivated and encouraged now so that the goal doesn't seem so elusive.
The success of a journey is not merely the destination, but all the growth and opportunities that occur on all phases, from initial thoughts and planning, to action and then ultimately to achievement.
Ace's often carry with them some element of surprise or hidden opportunity, so make the most of all situations that present themselves to you. Look for new approaches to old challenges as well.
You may find yourself surprised by a sudden change in plans, go for the change :), happiness comes in surprise packages.
The Ace of Clubs reminds us that it is necessary for you to make the first step, to try something different, and be on the lookout for new ideas. Be receptive and open to the possibility of change/alternatives being presented. end
So there I go, there I go, there I go! Depression does nothing, being sad does nothing, asking why does nothing. I have one way to go and that is up. What the bleep do I choose now?
When you feel like your life is falling apart maybe it’s just a sign that it has to fall apart, you have to tear the sucker down and then you can build a new life, the life you really want.
And so I post this now, while I’m at work, because if there is anyone out there who feels like shit today and asks for that little miracle and happens along this blog, this could be your miracle. Miracles don’t have to be big. They can be about knowing that you are not alone.
A Japanese proverb that I found recently: Fall seven times, stand up eight!
EY
When one door closes another one opens. So I’m trying to believe that as I hold the tears at bay.
Boy oh boy crappy things really can happen, can’t they? And with all the law of attraction I know about and all that it’s easy to fall into just sitting with the negativity having a good cry and asking the cosmos ‘WHY?”
I’m not really sure what this is all about. What is the purpose? But I can’t ask why, I just need to ask, What do I choose now?
It’s ironic that I would receive that message from Neale Donald Walsh of conversations with God fame. I get regular emails entitled ‘I believe God wants you to know.’ And most recently the message I’ve kept at my desk is this:
On this day of your life, dear friend, I believe God wants you to know...
...that "Why is this happening?" is the most useless question in the Universe.
The only really profitable question is, "What?" As in, "What do I choose now?" This question empowers. The "why" question simply perplexes, and rarely satisfies even when it gets a good answer.
So don't try to "figure it out." Stop it. Just focus on what you now wish to create. Keep moving forward. There's nothing behind you that can possibly serve you better than your highest thoughts about tomorrow.
You will not have to think but a second to know exactly why you received this message today. end
It was appropriate when I received it and it’s even more appropriate today. I’ve got a question to ask to reframe my thoughts and move my focus forward.
What do I choose now? I do not know the reasoning behind why I am having all these issues, Maybe I want what I want too much. I don’t really know. There is apparently a method to all this madness.
It’s hard to be optimistic when I keep getting slapped right down. I honestly don’t know what to do other than ask the question, what do I choose now, and keep asking it until I figure out what to choose. I know that being depressed serves no real purpose which is a vast improvement on the way my thoughts can work. Depression is a choice, it follows my thoughts. It’s that simple.
I feel like I am dodging bullets left right and centre. And the bullet grazes hurt like hell. So the positive side of that is, imagine how much worse the full on effect of being hit by the proverbial bullets? Apparently with the Kevlar vest, there is still bruising.
And today’s card from Christin Snider is absolutely perfect with all this.
Today's Card: Ace of Clubs (Wands)
In this card the scepter reaches out from the clouds like the hand of heaven. Behind it lies the hill with a beautiful castle.
Wands/Clubs signify new beginnings, the seeds of ideas, fresh starts, and manifesting our energy in ways that allow us to reach our goals.
Where thoughts flow so does our energy, so it becomes very important to direct our thoughts (and therefore our energy) in empowered ways.
Rather than focus on what's "wrong" or potential failure etc, it is important to keep our eyes turned towards the goal, and more importantly to stay motivated and encouraged now so that the goal doesn't seem so elusive.
The success of a journey is not merely the destination, but all the growth and opportunities that occur on all phases, from initial thoughts and planning, to action and then ultimately to achievement.
Ace's often carry with them some element of surprise or hidden opportunity, so make the most of all situations that present themselves to you. Look for new approaches to old challenges as well.
You may find yourself surprised by a sudden change in plans, go for the change :), happiness comes in surprise packages.
The Ace of Clubs reminds us that it is necessary for you to make the first step, to try something different, and be on the lookout for new ideas. Be receptive and open to the possibility of change/alternatives being presented. end
So there I go, there I go, there I go! Depression does nothing, being sad does nothing, asking why does nothing. I have one way to go and that is up. What the bleep do I choose now?
When you feel like your life is falling apart maybe it’s just a sign that it has to fall apart, you have to tear the sucker down and then you can build a new life, the life you really want.
And so I post this now, while I’m at work, because if there is anyone out there who feels like shit today and asks for that little miracle and happens along this blog, this could be your miracle. Miracles don’t have to be big. They can be about knowing that you are not alone.
A Japanese proverb that I found recently: Fall seven times, stand up eight!
EY
12 July 2008
Distractions
Saturday 8:52am 12July08
I've been busy with a little fun and a lotta distractions this past week. The Fringe Festival is on and again this year I bought the Buddy Pass which gets me into 14 shows. I've got seven more shows to see before the weekend is done. The Tour de France started last Saturday and has two more weeks to go. And as always there's 'So You Think You Can Dance' showing with a lot more really great black male dancers. Oh my Goodness, Debbie Allen's protege Will is something beautiful in looks and in dance. Totally brilliant. You can love him when he gets all proper in traditional dance and when he gets down n' dirty with hip hop. This week's lyrical performance where he was half naked... makes a woman shake her head with joy! Twitch made it through to the top 10, he didn't make it past Vegas last year because they put Hok through. I loved Hok. Twitch has been showing up every week, working his ass off. And there is sweet Joshua with that sweet smile. They've had great choreographers this year and even added a dynamic Bollywood routine. This may actually be the best season ever.
So once all those distractions end we move into the Olympics and I'm always happy when it's an Olympic year. Crying over people winning and whatnot! Yeah I'm a weird bird, I admit it. I spend more time crying during the Olympics it's crazy. One year one of my girlfriends would call me after the results of a competition to see if I was crying yet. I cry during the opening ceremonies, I cry during the closing ceremonies. I said it here, I cry during the Olympics!
I pulled out Gabrielle Rico's (of Writing the Natural Way fame) book, Pain and Possibility, out to read in the Fringe line ups and have been doing the word sculptures, spirals and of course what she's known for, clustering. It's a nice quick n' dirty way to get a little writing done. It's always amazing what comes up that is so unexpected.
I haven't been doing the amount of writing I want to but I'm still managing to fit some in with all my distractions. And as I think about that more I feel that I'm going to put less of a committed effort into blogging and more commitment into my novel writing. Well the blogging commitment fell by the wayside when I had the pain of last year anyway. Plus my writing blogs Writing2Live and Writing Zazen keep crashing my mac, so I haven't blogged on them in ages and ages. And my newest writing blog is a little forlorn...
I'll still be here of course and if you're subscribed through Feedblitz, then you'll always know when I have something new to say. But for now, I think it's time to move into an all consuming committment to writing my novels. I had a discussion with a work acquaintance on Thursday. Whenever he comes into the office he asks me what I'm eating. He is also into eating a lot of fruit and drinking fresh juices and the like. He was telling me about one of his coworkers who apparently is the voice of knowledge on anything to do with healthy eating. My acquaintance said, "I don't know how he finds the time to know all this stuff. He's got a wife and kids, he's an Engineer and he's smart!" We laughed about it and sequed into a discussion about finding time. I said that almost everyday of my life I wonder how women with kids get anything done. "If it were me," I said, "I'd be telling my 3 year old, 'cook your own dinner'." ha ha!
As an aside, my work acquaintance called me a geek! What the heck? We were talking about juicers and I admitted to having more than one, a magic bullit (which I killed) and a blender and he said in an amused voice, "You're such a geek." The nerve of some people's brats, as my mother used to say. I was so affected by that comment that I wrote a vignette about it in my notebook. I've never been 'such a geek' in all my life. ha ha! He stockpiles organic soap and I'm a geek?
But seriously, I'm really starting to see that I have to narrow my focus. I'm passionate about a lot of things and I can spin around jumping from one passion to the next in my special Pisces way, two fish swimming in the opposite direction at the same time. Hello!
The other inspiration that made me think about time, other than Geek Boy's comment ( *snicker* ) came from CJ Darlington's series Advice for Novelist’s . Sibella Giorello's advice is about sacrificing. Let's see where this gets me!
EY
I've been busy with a little fun and a lotta distractions this past week. The Fringe Festival is on and again this year I bought the Buddy Pass which gets me into 14 shows. I've got seven more shows to see before the weekend is done. The Tour de France started last Saturday and has two more weeks to go. And as always there's 'So You Think You Can Dance' showing with a lot more really great black male dancers. Oh my Goodness, Debbie Allen's protege Will is something beautiful in looks and in dance. Totally brilliant. You can love him when he gets all proper in traditional dance and when he gets down n' dirty with hip hop. This week's lyrical performance where he was half naked... makes a woman shake her head with joy! Twitch made it through to the top 10, he didn't make it past Vegas last year because they put Hok through. I loved Hok. Twitch has been showing up every week, working his ass off. And there is sweet Joshua with that sweet smile. They've had great choreographers this year and even added a dynamic Bollywood routine. This may actually be the best season ever.
So once all those distractions end we move into the Olympics and I'm always happy when it's an Olympic year. Crying over people winning and whatnot! Yeah I'm a weird bird, I admit it. I spend more time crying during the Olympics it's crazy. One year one of my girlfriends would call me after the results of a competition to see if I was crying yet. I cry during the opening ceremonies, I cry during the closing ceremonies. I said it here, I cry during the Olympics!
I pulled out Gabrielle Rico's (of Writing the Natural Way fame) book, Pain and Possibility, out to read in the Fringe line ups and have been doing the word sculptures, spirals and of course what she's known for, clustering. It's a nice quick n' dirty way to get a little writing done. It's always amazing what comes up that is so unexpected.
I haven't been doing the amount of writing I want to but I'm still managing to fit some in with all my distractions. And as I think about that more I feel that I'm going to put less of a committed effort into blogging and more commitment into my novel writing. Well the blogging commitment fell by the wayside when I had the pain of last year anyway. Plus my writing blogs Writing2Live and Writing Zazen keep crashing my mac, so I haven't blogged on them in ages and ages. And my newest writing blog is a little forlorn...
I'll still be here of course and if you're subscribed through Feedblitz, then you'll always know when I have something new to say. But for now, I think it's time to move into an all consuming committment to writing my novels. I had a discussion with a work acquaintance on Thursday. Whenever he comes into the office he asks me what I'm eating. He is also into eating a lot of fruit and drinking fresh juices and the like. He was telling me about one of his coworkers who apparently is the voice of knowledge on anything to do with healthy eating. My acquaintance said, "I don't know how he finds the time to know all this stuff. He's got a wife and kids, he's an Engineer and he's smart!" We laughed about it and sequed into a discussion about finding time. I said that almost everyday of my life I wonder how women with kids get anything done. "If it were me," I said, "I'd be telling my 3 year old, 'cook your own dinner'." ha ha!
As an aside, my work acquaintance called me a geek! What the heck? We were talking about juicers and I admitted to having more than one, a magic bullit (which I killed) and a blender and he said in an amused voice, "You're such a geek." The nerve of some people's brats, as my mother used to say. I was so affected by that comment that I wrote a vignette about it in my notebook. I've never been 'such a geek' in all my life. ha ha! He stockpiles organic soap and I'm a geek?
But seriously, I'm really starting to see that I have to narrow my focus. I'm passionate about a lot of things and I can spin around jumping from one passion to the next in my special Pisces way, two fish swimming in the opposite direction at the same time. Hello!
The other inspiration that made me think about time, other than Geek Boy's comment ( *snicker* ) came from CJ Darlington's series Advice for Novelist’s . Sibella Giorello's advice is about sacrificing. Let's see where this gets me!
EY
11 August 2007
You Can Tell (Entry from W2L blog)
Saturday 10:34am 11Aug07
You can tell when my blogging time gets to be a bit too much for me because it starts to get a little too journaly. I find that I do go through cycles where I'm writing entries that I could have just put in my journal instead of on line. It's good to notice those cycles though. And even better not to beat myself up for them. It is just a cycle and eventually I'll move on to the next one.
I'm moving into hibernation mode a tad early this year. For my five days off I stayed close to home and now, with a few friend's show to see this weekend, I again want to stay close to home. There is a level of anticipation though with my early hibernation mode. The anticipation for that all consuming focus that's just around the corner. I feel an inner shift that I can't quite describe but I'm getting quiet. Maybe it's the voices, you know the ones, that tell you what you could do next. Or remind you of what you want. Or get you to sit still and meditate and connect with the magic in the air. Those voices.
Plus I notice that I've been feeling under the weather far more frequently than normal. Of course it's my body's way of telling me to slow down. Get in touch. Be silent. Listen. If I'm quiet enough, the answers will tumble out of me or toward me or something.
I've got books piled up around the apartment. Books I want to read. Books I want to study. Books that remind me of that passion that blocks out the junk of life, like the power struggles. That passion that steps me outside of the woulda, coulda, shoulda's and into the now and what there is that is good. There is a lot that is good.
I'm feeling nervous about the fall television line up because I don't actually want to tape anything this season. Or not much, anyhow. I'm nervous because, even though I dropped a lot of shows last year compared to the year before, I'm feeling not antagonistic but it's like the television is coming to an end for me. Or more aptly, it needs to.
That's it! The early hibernation mode and the inner voices that are getting louder, and the funny feelings toward the television are all about the question, what am I willing to give up in order to realize my dreams? And it brings me to the simplest realization that it's about change, it's time to make some changes in my life, again. And not a moment too soon either, tomorrow is the new moon, a prime opportunity to start anew.
It's time to make changes and it's time to listen. Sweep away the distractions that seem like a good idea at the time. Listen to my body and slow down. Ask myself , again and again, "what do I want? How do I feel? Where do I want to go?"
My friend Jojo and I discussed her current situation, last week. For the first time, for as long as I've known her, she talked about moving back to her home town. I didn't say that I would miss her tremendously. I didn't say, don't worry everything will work out and you won't have to go home. I didn't say anything that might sway her to consider staying in Toronto. I told her, "you have to do what is the best for you. What is going to soothe your heart? What is going to make you feel better about your life?"
Now, most of my friends would say, 'that's you Shelley, that's the kind of advice you give all of us.' As if it's an easy thing for me to do. On the contrary, inside I'm thinking, 'how am I going to survive not having access to this person in my day to day life?' What the fuck am I going to do?
But over the last few days, with the guilt tripping I often do when I don't have the energy to be the all giving supporter, it's slowly dawning on me. I also have to do what is best for me. What is going to soothe my life? What is going to make me feel better? So I miss a few friend's shows this go round. If I'm the friend that gives that kind of advice to everyone, I need to give it to myself as well.
I'm not the person that I used to be, who dropped everything for everyone. Or who shows up for every single performance and every single reading and party and function. But that is still a big aspect of who I am to people. I like to support people, for sure, but I need to feel free to give myself permission to support myself first.
And the people that I give my support to wholeheartedly will have to understand that in return. And I really have to learn how to stop guilt tripping myself about it, when I don't have it to give. That's the big one.
EY
You can tell when my blogging time gets to be a bit too much for me because it starts to get a little too journaly. I find that I do go through cycles where I'm writing entries that I could have just put in my journal instead of on line. It's good to notice those cycles though. And even better not to beat myself up for them. It is just a cycle and eventually I'll move on to the next one.
I'm moving into hibernation mode a tad early this year. For my five days off I stayed close to home and now, with a few friend's show to see this weekend, I again want to stay close to home. There is a level of anticipation though with my early hibernation mode. The anticipation for that all consuming focus that's just around the corner. I feel an inner shift that I can't quite describe but I'm getting quiet. Maybe it's the voices, you know the ones, that tell you what you could do next. Or remind you of what you want. Or get you to sit still and meditate and connect with the magic in the air. Those voices.
Plus I notice that I've been feeling under the weather far more frequently than normal. Of course it's my body's way of telling me to slow down. Get in touch. Be silent. Listen. If I'm quiet enough, the answers will tumble out of me or toward me or something.
I've got books piled up around the apartment. Books I want to read. Books I want to study. Books that remind me of that passion that blocks out the junk of life, like the power struggles. That passion that steps me outside of the woulda, coulda, shoulda's and into the now and what there is that is good. There is a lot that is good.
I'm feeling nervous about the fall television line up because I don't actually want to tape anything this season. Or not much, anyhow. I'm nervous because, even though I dropped a lot of shows last year compared to the year before, I'm feeling not antagonistic but it's like the television is coming to an end for me. Or more aptly, it needs to.
That's it! The early hibernation mode and the inner voices that are getting louder, and the funny feelings toward the television are all about the question, what am I willing to give up in order to realize my dreams? And it brings me to the simplest realization that it's about change, it's time to make some changes in my life, again. And not a moment too soon either, tomorrow is the new moon, a prime opportunity to start anew.
It's time to make changes and it's time to listen. Sweep away the distractions that seem like a good idea at the time. Listen to my body and slow down. Ask myself , again and again, "what do I want? How do I feel? Where do I want to go?"
My friend Jojo and I discussed her current situation, last week. For the first time, for as long as I've known her, she talked about moving back to her home town. I didn't say that I would miss her tremendously. I didn't say, don't worry everything will work out and you won't have to go home. I didn't say anything that might sway her to consider staying in Toronto. I told her, "you have to do what is the best for you. What is going to soothe your heart? What is going to make you feel better about your life?"
Now, most of my friends would say, 'that's you Shelley, that's the kind of advice you give all of us.' As if it's an easy thing for me to do. On the contrary, inside I'm thinking, 'how am I going to survive not having access to this person in my day to day life?' What the fuck am I going to do?
But over the last few days, with the guilt tripping I often do when I don't have the energy to be the all giving supporter, it's slowly dawning on me. I also have to do what is best for me. What is going to soothe my life? What is going to make me feel better? So I miss a few friend's shows this go round. If I'm the friend that gives that kind of advice to everyone, I need to give it to myself as well.
I'm not the person that I used to be, who dropped everything for everyone. Or who shows up for every single performance and every single reading and party and function. But that is still a big aspect of who I am to people. I like to support people, for sure, but I need to feel free to give myself permission to support myself first.
And the people that I give my support to wholeheartedly will have to understand that in return. And I really have to learn how to stop guilt tripping myself about it, when I don't have it to give. That's the big one.
EY
04 August 2007
And Me
9:35am Saturday 4Aug07
With my power struggling frustrations of the last couple weeks and my newest affirmation, I basically came home each day and rewrote my goals to have a more serious focused sense of urgency. Back in the day when I was more worried about work I would have gone out and found another job (and that's not totally out of the question) but these days I feel it's more about my passion. And not in a Tour de France doping scandals cheating kind of passion. Had to add that in.
I've given myself a new weekend goal of five hours of writing before I can go outside to play. If I'm a lazy ass and it takes me all day to get those 5 hours done, well, it sucks to be me.
I am going to get back into checking out the classifieds in the Saturday Star just to see what's out there. You never know, I could end up finding a job that enables me to write more. You have to always be on the lookout in order to be prepared.
I went for a beer Wednesday night because I knew I needed to just sit for a minute before I came home. My plan was to come home and call Montreal to talk to my male bestfriend and chat and laugh. I'm always guaranteed that he will make me laugh. But somehow Wednesday at the bar turned out to be just what I needed. Bartender boy handed me a slice of blueberry pie the moment I came in. Blueberry pie is my favorite. Especially since the blueberry pie craving of 1999 when I ate at least a half a pie for about three months. But I digress.
I chatted with one regular until she left then slid down the bar and chatted with another regular. I had my mingle on. My golfer buddy who is also from Montreal sauntered in and I ended up sitting with him at his table and told him my power struggle story and we flipped back and forth between that and discussing our passions and talking about wasted time and energy and the lack of money and how it can get you so down about yourself and on and on. Everytime it looked like I might be leaving, he bought me another beer. He totally was my surrogate best friend and saved me the long distance call.
And with all that, I'm reminded, that even when it feels like shit is pouring down on you and making you feel stinky, there are sweet little miracles that happen too. People that come out of the woodwork who really hear what you are saying rather than steamrolling you with all their interests. And men! Can I just say that I have seen three of the best looking men I've ever seen in my life and have had conversations with them. That's always a pleasant surprise. A miracle really.
One of the hot men sent me on my way to work yesterday with a spring in my step. I ran into him at the depanneur and he approached me and looked at me like he could have sucked all the meat off my bones. ha ha! It was a nice feeling because he'd remembered me from four years ago and he wasn't looking at me in a gross dirty way and he didn't push it. He told me I looked great then gave my whole body the perusal that spoke volumes. Ah what the heck, yelled volumes. and I liked it. I tell you some guys know how to make you feel like a desirable woman wtihout pushing limits.
And in passing I mentioned to Jojo that I didn't know if I'd make it out over the last couple nights because I was feeling spent and needed to come home and lick my wounds. My girl, kept the contact on high, "do you need me? do you need anything? what can I do for you that'll help?"
And she called me last night when I got home just to make sure that being alone was what I really needed. I promised that I'd be better today and would go and see her (after my five hours of writing of course). Which guarantees a big squishy hug that cracks a few of my bones. ha ha! But it's needed and greatly appreciated.
With the shit storm, It's so nice to know that I have some good supportive people around me.
Anyhow, it's Caribana weekend and I don't quite feel up to the rollerblade over to Jamieson nor the crowds. But it's beautiful weather and my AC has taken the humidity out of my apartment and my cats are nuts but funny and I'm off for 5 days. That's 25 hours of writing, if not more.
Hmm. And I'm craving chicken wings again. I made chicken wings two times this week and am planning to make some more today. ha ha.
EY
With my power struggling frustrations of the last couple weeks and my newest affirmation, I basically came home each day and rewrote my goals to have a more serious focused sense of urgency. Back in the day when I was more worried about work I would have gone out and found another job (and that's not totally out of the question) but these days I feel it's more about my passion. And not in a Tour de France doping scandals cheating kind of passion. Had to add that in.
I've given myself a new weekend goal of five hours of writing before I can go outside to play. If I'm a lazy ass and it takes me all day to get those 5 hours done, well, it sucks to be me.
I am going to get back into checking out the classifieds in the Saturday Star just to see what's out there. You never know, I could end up finding a job that enables me to write more. You have to always be on the lookout in order to be prepared.
I went for a beer Wednesday night because I knew I needed to just sit for a minute before I came home. My plan was to come home and call Montreal to talk to my male bestfriend and chat and laugh. I'm always guaranteed that he will make me laugh. But somehow Wednesday at the bar turned out to be just what I needed. Bartender boy handed me a slice of blueberry pie the moment I came in. Blueberry pie is my favorite. Especially since the blueberry pie craving of 1999 when I ate at least a half a pie for about three months. But I digress.
I chatted with one regular until she left then slid down the bar and chatted with another regular. I had my mingle on. My golfer buddy who is also from Montreal sauntered in and I ended up sitting with him at his table and told him my power struggle story and we flipped back and forth between that and discussing our passions and talking about wasted time and energy and the lack of money and how it can get you so down about yourself and on and on. Everytime it looked like I might be leaving, he bought me another beer. He totally was my surrogate best friend and saved me the long distance call.
And with all that, I'm reminded, that even when it feels like shit is pouring down on you and making you feel stinky, there are sweet little miracles that happen too. People that come out of the woodwork who really hear what you are saying rather than steamrolling you with all their interests. And men! Can I just say that I have seen three of the best looking men I've ever seen in my life and have had conversations with them. That's always a pleasant surprise. A miracle really.
One of the hot men sent me on my way to work yesterday with a spring in my step. I ran into him at the depanneur and he approached me and looked at me like he could have sucked all the meat off my bones. ha ha! It was a nice feeling because he'd remembered me from four years ago and he wasn't looking at me in a gross dirty way and he didn't push it. He told me I looked great then gave my whole body the perusal that spoke volumes. Ah what the heck, yelled volumes. and I liked it. I tell you some guys know how to make you feel like a desirable woman wtihout pushing limits.
And in passing I mentioned to Jojo that I didn't know if I'd make it out over the last couple nights because I was feeling spent and needed to come home and lick my wounds. My girl, kept the contact on high, "do you need me? do you need anything? what can I do for you that'll help?"
And she called me last night when I got home just to make sure that being alone was what I really needed. I promised that I'd be better today and would go and see her (after my five hours of writing of course). Which guarantees a big squishy hug that cracks a few of my bones. ha ha! But it's needed and greatly appreciated.
With the shit storm, It's so nice to know that I have some good supportive people around me.
Anyhow, it's Caribana weekend and I don't quite feel up to the rollerblade over to Jamieson nor the crowds. But it's beautiful weather and my AC has taken the humidity out of my apartment and my cats are nuts but funny and I'm off for 5 days. That's 25 hours of writing, if not more.
Hmm. And I'm craving chicken wings again. I made chicken wings two times this week and am planning to make some more today. ha ha.
EY
27 February 2007
Frustration Turns into Creativity
Tuesday 5:43pm 27Feb07
Yesterday I started the day off with a giggle thinking how relaxing my morning at work was going to be. Well, at least it started that way. Then it turned into a beat down session with me being the one beat down. I answered the phone with exasperation more times than not.
When I got home last night I was sure that I was going to dive into bed head first. I certainly couldn't blog. No one wants to read about that shit. I didn't even have the energy to go to the liquor store for a bottle of wine. The thought of standing in line sweating in my layers was akin to some kind of Japanese water torture.
I didn't think I was going to write at all. I started my journal, 'Today the wrath of Mercury retrograde reared its angry head in my direction.' Heck, I was the bullseye! The day was all about communication, miscommunication, hostile communication, Mercury's domain.
Somehow I figured out that sleeping and/or drinking wasn't the answer. So I wrote. I wrote my 1 hour mind cleanse for 30 minutes. I wrote my freeflow for my novel and I worked out. In the midst of working out I realized that frustration and anger motivate me.
I wrote in my journal, 'What a great thing sometimes frustration can be because it stops me and gets me to ask the question, what do I most need to focus on for my sanity and my future? I need to be able to ask that question when I'm not frustrated or angry. I want to feel good. I don't want to be ruled by a life of roller coaster emotions in order to create because that's the kind of person I am, the one who loves to create.'
Through the midst of all that I also decided that since I've got all my novel notes and drafts and scratchings in one place, I'm going to read everything I have and plug the pieces into appropriate chapters of my novel.
In my journal I wrote, 'It makes sense to go through all my pieces of writing to throw them all into White Wishes chapters. Read through it, mark up the page and type it into my novel that I'm working on now. Add the daily freeflow stuff that I'm doing for each chapter as well. Just keep adding and reading and reorganizing until I get there. And when I have read through every last bit of paper and have a whole novel then sculpt it like clay into what I want it to be.
I, today, February 26th 2007, feel like I can complete White Wishes and it's the best feeling ever. I can really do this. How wonderful is that? It's been a long time coming and there is still more work to do but I finally genuinely feel like I've got the right focus. I really need to have that feeling of creating out of thin air (freeflow/ stream of consciousness writing) because I love that feeling but, as well, I can plop the finished pieces together and read them and sculpt the scenes. It's really really good, this love of what I do.'
Some how I transformed the frustration and channeled it. I've been working toward harnessing my energy instead of turning it into depression for years, yesterday I nailed it.
EY
12 February 2007
Mesmerized By Uncertainty
Monday 12Feb07 5:59pm
I took a cab to work this morning and got to hear a portion of a speech by Martin Luther King Jr. In it he talked about people being mesmerized by uncertainty. I liked that phrasing. It's true isn't it? We do spend so much needless time being mesmerized by uncertainty, focusing on all the things that can go wrong, focusing on all the things that frustrate us, focusing on all the things that we can't control. Personally, I can get into that spiral so easily and forget that there are any other possibilities.
It's just as easy to focus on all the things that could go right for a change. It would certainly give me a boost of positivity. What if I could complete all my novels? What if I could write 3 hours a day, every single day for the rest of my life and love myself for prioritizing? What if that smiling guy actually feels the same way about me? Who cares if he doesn't, by the time I realize he might not I'll have moved on, anyway. What if tomorrow I can accomplish one goal and the next day accomplish two and build on my successes every single day?
I liked the quote that either Deepak Chopra or Wayne Dyer mentions in their talk together (Creating your world the way you really want it to be.) One of them says, " Stop worrying about things you can't control because you can't control them so why worry about them? And Stop worrying about the things you can control because you can control them so there's no point in worrying about them. If you don't worry about what you can't control because you can't control it and you don't worry about the things you can control because you can control it, there's nothing to worry about. So Stop Worrying!"
I finally get that sugar makes me sleepy and have successfully cut that out as an option. I'm going to try being mesmerized by certainty for change. See how high I can lift my energy. Things are going to happen the way they happen anyway whether I look forward to things or feel scared of some unforeseen fallout.
You never know. What if I could get everything I want?
EY
I took a cab to work this morning and got to hear a portion of a speech by Martin Luther King Jr. In it he talked about people being mesmerized by uncertainty. I liked that phrasing. It's true isn't it? We do spend so much needless time being mesmerized by uncertainty, focusing on all the things that can go wrong, focusing on all the things that frustrate us, focusing on all the things that we can't control. Personally, I can get into that spiral so easily and forget that there are any other possibilities.
It's just as easy to focus on all the things that could go right for a change. It would certainly give me a boost of positivity. What if I could complete all my novels? What if I could write 3 hours a day, every single day for the rest of my life and love myself for prioritizing? What if that smiling guy actually feels the same way about me? Who cares if he doesn't, by the time I realize he might not I'll have moved on, anyway. What if tomorrow I can accomplish one goal and the next day accomplish two and build on my successes every single day?
I liked the quote that either Deepak Chopra or Wayne Dyer mentions in their talk together (Creating your world the way you really want it to be.) One of them says, " Stop worrying about things you can't control because you can't control them so why worry about them? And Stop worrying about the things you can control because you can control them so there's no point in worrying about them. If you don't worry about what you can't control because you can't control it and you don't worry about the things you can control because you can control it, there's nothing to worry about. So Stop Worrying!"
I finally get that sugar makes me sleepy and have successfully cut that out as an option. I'm going to try being mesmerized by certainty for change. See how high I can lift my energy. Things are going to happen the way they happen anyway whether I look forward to things or feel scared of some unforeseen fallout.
You never know. What if I could get everything I want?
EY
03 February 2007
Rise and Shine
1:15pm Saturday 3Feb07
Back in the days when I was a ticket seller at the North York Performing Arts Centre and I was doing my Child and Youth Work program at George Brown, I used to read business magazines like Canadian Business and Fortune Magazine. One of the things that I learned was that you could take a small successful business from somewhere and start the same thing where you are. Which we basically know as franchising. But there's the other side where you find something that a business is doing to generate more sales and customer interest and you basically copy that and get the same results. Hey I'm not a business geek so my explanation is crude!
Any how, that was how Dave Nichol started the insider's report back in the days when he was CEO of Loblaws. He took what he saw worked at another vastly different company and applied it to Loblaws. He started all those President's choice lines and brought Cott's black cherry to loblaws under the President's choice label. Because of black cherry, I had to love Dave Nichol. Since I'd moved to Toronto I'd looked high and low for Cott's black cherry. The Cott's label was prevalent but not Black Cherry until Dave changed all that.
Any way because of that, I'd read any article written about Dave Nichol. The business media was pretty bitchy when it came to Dave Nichol. They didn't see his vision and basically happily called him a copy cat. Hello, isn't that what Pepsi and Coke do?
In one article about him, I learned that he got up between 4 and 5:30am every single day. At the time I thought, "that's crazy, who can get up that early? It's still dark out!" But eventually it was something I was able to do.
Wow, I forgot about my Dave Nichol's days. I actually saw him one day when I was working at Harbourfront as he was coming out of the Cott's office at the Queen's Quay Terminal. We said hello to each other but I never did find the guts to tell him that I found him and his career inspiring.
On Wednesday, I was listening to my Wayne Dyer Cd's and he talks about rising between 3am and 6am as part of a spiritual practice. Hmm, from CEO's to Spiritual leaders and one little writer. ha ha!
Yesterday a girlfriend emailed me Jim Citrin's article about getting up early from the yahoo finance section that shows how other CEO's use their early mornings and I post it here: (click the Rise and Shine title to go to the actual Yahoo page and read some of the bitter comments - they're funny)
Tapping the Power of Your Morning Routine by Jim Citrin
Posted on Tuesday, January 30, 2007, 3:00AM
How disciplined are you about your early-morning routine?
If you want to maximize your success while achieving the best possible balance in your life, you may want to take a fresh look at what time you wake up and what you do with your time before getting to the office.
A Wakeup Call
Last week, I contacted some of the business leaders I greatly admire and inquired about their early-morning schedules.
Specifically, I asked 20 CEOs and top executives what time they wake up, when they have their first cup of coffee, when they start on email, what if anything they do for exercise, what time they leave for the office, and what else they do before walking out the door.
I heard back from half a dozen of them within 10 minutes, and, in a matter of a few hours, I received answers from a total of 17 out of the 20 -- a response rate that would be the envy of any market researcher.
It didn't take long for the patterns to emerge. Based on an analysis of the executives' schedules and activities, I discovered seven practices you should seriously consider adopting in order to make the most of your morning.
1 Start early.
This is the part of your morning routine over which you have the greatest control. To fit it all in, it's a must to start early. The latest any of the surveyed executives wake up is 6 a.m., and almost 80 percent wake up at 5:30 or earlier.
The early-bird-gets-the-worm award goes to Padmasree Warrior, chief technology officer for Motorola, who rises at 4:30 a.m., spends an hour on email, reads most of the news online, and then does an hour of either cardio or resistance training each morning. This allows her to get her son ready for school and drop him off, and still get to work by 8 or 8:30 in the morning.
2 Get a jump on email.
If you think you're alone in feeling overwhelmed by email, take comfort: even top CEOs and the most senior executives feel compelled to stay on top of their email, and most of them find time in the early morning to do so.
Ursula Burns, the No. 2 executive at technology giant Xerox, says, "I do email from the minute I get up [5:15 a.m.] and all day long, finishing around midnight." Haim Saban, chairman and CEO of investment firm Saban Capital Group, starts email right after his first cup of coffee "at 6:02 a.m." and works on it for about an hour before his 75-minute morning exercise regimen.
Lou D'Ambrosio, chief executive officer at telecommunications equipment leader Avaya Communications, is "on email literally within one minute after waking up. I spend about an hour at home in the morning doing email to jump-start the day. This allows me to have a clear mind when I set priorities for the day." Lou also does email from 10 p.m. to 11:30 p.m. at night.
Several executives wait until they get to the office before they start working on email. Matt Ouimet, president of the hotel group for Starwood Hotels & Resorts Worldwide, for example, rises at 5:30 a.m. and leaves the house at 6 a.m. to get to the office very early -- "I've always been anxious to get to work: game time" -- and responds to email undisturbed for an hour while the office is very quiet.
3 Exercise every morning.
It's often difficult to find a way to fit exercise into your busy schedule, but knowing that some of the most successful businesspeople do so might motivate you to find a way to work it into your routine.
More than 70 percent of the business leaders in my survey perform their exercise in the morning, while 15 percent find a way to do it during the day (one does it late at night before turning in). Only two of the executives admit to not exercising on a regular basis, although one said, "I know I should."
The individual who demonstrates the greatest exercise discipline is the CEO of a high-performing global technology company (I promised him anonymity so as not to blow his cover). "I exercise at lunchtime," he says. "I block the time every single day. This is because I'm a runner and that's the best time to run outside all year long."
4 Be thoughtful about the source, form, and timing of your news.
Much has been written about the demise of the newspaper, and, along those lines, about a quarter of the executives I spoke with has switched to online news. Yet most of the others maintain the morning newspaper as a central part of their routine.
Steve Reinemund, the CEO of PepsiCo, reads the New York Times, the Wall Street Journal, the Financial Times, and the Dallas Morning News. Rafe Sagalyn, CEO of the prestigious Sagalyn Literary Agency of Bethesda, Md., blends traditional and new media. He says, "I simultaneously skim online newspapers from Boston to Los Angeles and half a dozen blogs one really has to keep up with. At about 6:30 a.m., I fetch three morning papers -- the New York Times, the Washington Post, and the Wall Street Journal."
5 Problem-solve.
The quiet of the morning is often the time when your mind is at its clearest and most well-suited to solving important problems.
Steve Murphy, CEO of publishing company Rodale, says, "A line in a William Blake poem inspired me to think differently about my day: ‘Think in the morning, act in the noon, read in the evening, and sleep at night.' This has made a huge difference in my life. Now, I take out a yellow pad every morning and write my thoughts for the day, which allows me to be much more strategic and proactive than reactive."
6 Make family time.
Many business leaders find that the morning encourages important family time. Some have breakfast with their families or make taking kids to school a central part of the morning routine.
Clayton, Dubilier & Rice managing partner Kevin Conway lingers at home when he can to help send off all three kids to school. Greg Maffei, CEO of Liberty Media Corporation, says, "I try to talk one of my kids into going outside to get the paper, but end up getting it myself. I then have breakfast with my wife and kids, help the latter get dressed, and drive the older boys to the bus stop at 7:40 a.m."
7 Be creative with your morning routine.
Despite all the discipline and structure described in the above best practices, it doesn't mean you can't be creative with your morning rituals. Gerry Laybourne, founder, chairman, and CEO of Oxygen Media, maintains a routine similar to other business leaders.
However, she adds a unique twist to her schedule: "Once or twice a week, I go for a walk in Central Park with a young person seeking my advice. This is my way of helping bring along the next generation. I can't take time at the office to do this, but doing it in the morning allows me to get exercise and stay connected with young people at the same time."
The examples cited here have led me to reassess how I structure my early-morning time, and I hope they help you in making the most of your daily routine as well.
Back in the days when I was a ticket seller at the North York Performing Arts Centre and I was doing my Child and Youth Work program at George Brown, I used to read business magazines like Canadian Business and Fortune Magazine. One of the things that I learned was that you could take a small successful business from somewhere and start the same thing where you are. Which we basically know as franchising. But there's the other side where you find something that a business is doing to generate more sales and customer interest and you basically copy that and get the same results. Hey I'm not a business geek so my explanation is crude!
Any how, that was how Dave Nichol started the insider's report back in the days when he was CEO of Loblaws. He took what he saw worked at another vastly different company and applied it to Loblaws. He started all those President's choice lines and brought Cott's black cherry to loblaws under the President's choice label. Because of black cherry, I had to love Dave Nichol. Since I'd moved to Toronto I'd looked high and low for Cott's black cherry. The Cott's label was prevalent but not Black Cherry until Dave changed all that.
Any way because of that, I'd read any article written about Dave Nichol. The business media was pretty bitchy when it came to Dave Nichol. They didn't see his vision and basically happily called him a copy cat. Hello, isn't that what Pepsi and Coke do?
In one article about him, I learned that he got up between 4 and 5:30am every single day. At the time I thought, "that's crazy, who can get up that early? It's still dark out!" But eventually it was something I was able to do.
Wow, I forgot about my Dave Nichol's days. I actually saw him one day when I was working at Harbourfront as he was coming out of the Cott's office at the Queen's Quay Terminal. We said hello to each other but I never did find the guts to tell him that I found him and his career inspiring.
On Wednesday, I was listening to my Wayne Dyer Cd's and he talks about rising between 3am and 6am as part of a spiritual practice. Hmm, from CEO's to Spiritual leaders and one little writer. ha ha!
Yesterday a girlfriend emailed me Jim Citrin's article about getting up early from the yahoo finance section that shows how other CEO's use their early mornings and I post it here: (click the Rise and Shine title to go to the actual Yahoo page and read some of the bitter comments - they're funny)
Tapping the Power of Your Morning Routine by Jim Citrin
Posted on Tuesday, January 30, 2007, 3:00AM
How disciplined are you about your early-morning routine?
If you want to maximize your success while achieving the best possible balance in your life, you may want to take a fresh look at what time you wake up and what you do with your time before getting to the office.
A Wakeup Call
Last week, I contacted some of the business leaders I greatly admire and inquired about their early-morning schedules.
Specifically, I asked 20 CEOs and top executives what time they wake up, when they have their first cup of coffee, when they start on email, what if anything they do for exercise, what time they leave for the office, and what else they do before walking out the door.
I heard back from half a dozen of them within 10 minutes, and, in a matter of a few hours, I received answers from a total of 17 out of the 20 -- a response rate that would be the envy of any market researcher.
It didn't take long for the patterns to emerge. Based on an analysis of the executives' schedules and activities, I discovered seven practices you should seriously consider adopting in order to make the most of your morning.
1 Start early.
This is the part of your morning routine over which you have the greatest control. To fit it all in, it's a must to start early. The latest any of the surveyed executives wake up is 6 a.m., and almost 80 percent wake up at 5:30 or earlier.
The early-bird-gets-the-worm award goes to Padmasree Warrior, chief technology officer for Motorola, who rises at 4:30 a.m., spends an hour on email, reads most of the news online, and then does an hour of either cardio or resistance training each morning. This allows her to get her son ready for school and drop him off, and still get to work by 8 or 8:30 in the morning.
2 Get a jump on email.
If you think you're alone in feeling overwhelmed by email, take comfort: even top CEOs and the most senior executives feel compelled to stay on top of their email, and most of them find time in the early morning to do so.
Ursula Burns, the No. 2 executive at technology giant Xerox, says, "I do email from the minute I get up [5:15 a.m.] and all day long, finishing around midnight." Haim Saban, chairman and CEO of investment firm Saban Capital Group, starts email right after his first cup of coffee "at 6:02 a.m." and works on it for about an hour before his 75-minute morning exercise regimen.
Lou D'Ambrosio, chief executive officer at telecommunications equipment leader Avaya Communications, is "on email literally within one minute after waking up. I spend about an hour at home in the morning doing email to jump-start the day. This allows me to have a clear mind when I set priorities for the day." Lou also does email from 10 p.m. to 11:30 p.m. at night.
Several executives wait until they get to the office before they start working on email. Matt Ouimet, president of the hotel group for Starwood Hotels & Resorts Worldwide, for example, rises at 5:30 a.m. and leaves the house at 6 a.m. to get to the office very early -- "I've always been anxious to get to work: game time" -- and responds to email undisturbed for an hour while the office is very quiet.
3 Exercise every morning.
It's often difficult to find a way to fit exercise into your busy schedule, but knowing that some of the most successful businesspeople do so might motivate you to find a way to work it into your routine.
More than 70 percent of the business leaders in my survey perform their exercise in the morning, while 15 percent find a way to do it during the day (one does it late at night before turning in). Only two of the executives admit to not exercising on a regular basis, although one said, "I know I should."
The individual who demonstrates the greatest exercise discipline is the CEO of a high-performing global technology company (I promised him anonymity so as not to blow his cover). "I exercise at lunchtime," he says. "I block the time every single day. This is because I'm a runner and that's the best time to run outside all year long."
4 Be thoughtful about the source, form, and timing of your news.
Much has been written about the demise of the newspaper, and, along those lines, about a quarter of the executives I spoke with has switched to online news. Yet most of the others maintain the morning newspaper as a central part of their routine.
Steve Reinemund, the CEO of PepsiCo, reads the New York Times, the Wall Street Journal, the Financial Times, and the Dallas Morning News. Rafe Sagalyn, CEO of the prestigious Sagalyn Literary Agency of Bethesda, Md., blends traditional and new media. He says, "I simultaneously skim online newspapers from Boston to Los Angeles and half a dozen blogs one really has to keep up with. At about 6:30 a.m., I fetch three morning papers -- the New York Times, the Washington Post, and the Wall Street Journal."
5 Problem-solve.
The quiet of the morning is often the time when your mind is at its clearest and most well-suited to solving important problems.
Steve Murphy, CEO of publishing company Rodale, says, "A line in a William Blake poem inspired me to think differently about my day: ‘Think in the morning, act in the noon, read in the evening, and sleep at night.' This has made a huge difference in my life. Now, I take out a yellow pad every morning and write my thoughts for the day, which allows me to be much more strategic and proactive than reactive."
6 Make family time.
Many business leaders find that the morning encourages important family time. Some have breakfast with their families or make taking kids to school a central part of the morning routine.
Clayton, Dubilier & Rice managing partner Kevin Conway lingers at home when he can to help send off all three kids to school. Greg Maffei, CEO of Liberty Media Corporation, says, "I try to talk one of my kids into going outside to get the paper, but end up getting it myself. I then have breakfast with my wife and kids, help the latter get dressed, and drive the older boys to the bus stop at 7:40 a.m."
7 Be creative with your morning routine.
Despite all the discipline and structure described in the above best practices, it doesn't mean you can't be creative with your morning rituals. Gerry Laybourne, founder, chairman, and CEO of Oxygen Media, maintains a routine similar to other business leaders.
However, she adds a unique twist to her schedule: "Once or twice a week, I go for a walk in Central Park with a young person seeking my advice. This is my way of helping bring along the next generation. I can't take time at the office to do this, but doing it in the morning allows me to get exercise and stay connected with young people at the same time."
The examples cited here have led me to reassess how I structure my early-morning time, and I hope they help you in making the most of your daily routine as well.
Are You Dreaming Big Enough?
Are You Dreaming Big Enough?
by Alan Cohen
I saw a billboard prominently displaying photos of two bottles of liquor. One was a small bottle with the caption, "Regular size." The other bottle was huge, several times larger than the tiny one --its caption was, "Fantasize."
The only dreams worth entertaining are those which are far greater than the life we are already living. If we are guilty of any sin (Self-Inflicted Nonsense), it is accommodation. We hurt ourselves not by what we ask for; but by what we settle for.
When choosing a goal, be sure it is outrageous. If it is something you have already done, or think you may be able to do, you are thinking too small. Worthy dreams stretch us beyond our history and challenge our limits, calling us to live larger than we thought we were.
Here is a powerful exercise that will show you how to step into bigger shoes. On a piece of paper, write the heading, "Know I Can." Under the heading, write down three goals you are confident you can accomplish, and probably will, within a matter of time. Below that section write, "Maybe I Can." Then number 4 through 6, and write down three projects you would like to do, but wonder if you really can. These are the dreams that stretch you beyond your current boundaries, but seem within the realm of possibility. Finally, write the heading, "Outrageous," and for numbers 7 through 9, record the three most outlandish visions you can think of, the dreams that thrill you to consider, but you don't see how they could possibly happen.
The second part of the exercise requires that you read your list daily, spending about twenty seconds visualizing each goal (sixty seconds if you are inspired). Hold each image clearly in mind, and get the feeling that your objective has already been realized.
The exercise becomes even more fun as you check off each goal when it is accomplished. Your visioning will be met with miracles and support from the universe through avenues you could never have predicted. As you complete checking off the first group, the second group will slide up to a higher level of possibility; the "Maybe I Can" section will become the "Know I Can." Your excitement will further increase when the third group ascends to become the second; somehow the "Outrageous" becomes "Maybe I Can," and before too long, "Know I Can." Then you can add more to your "Maybe I Can" and "Outrageous" lists and watch them slide up like credits rolling at the end of a movie. Your only job is to stay focused, keep visualizing, and remain open to receive more than you once thought you deserved.
A recent Amway convention centered on the theme, "Think Big-Settle for More." Life operates according to universal laws which, if you tap into them, will transport you home like a mighty stallion. Life gives us not what we struggle for, but what we allow. You can come to the ocean with a thimble, a bucket, or a tank truck, and you will take with you the volume of the container you brought.
As I was leading a guided meditation I had a vision of a great light shining down on everyone in the room. The light was the abundance of the universe, the vast love of God, replete with infinite good and blessings. In the vision each person was sitting with a basket in his or her lap; some held tiny baskets, and others had huge ones. Those with small baskets were receiving a little, and those with huge baskets were receiving a lot. All was offered to all, and each gathered as much as they were willing to hold.
William Blake boldly declared, "A man's reach should exceed his grasp, or else what's a heaven for?"
Outrageous goals are valuable because they expand your belief system and carve wider neural pathways in your brain, by which your good may be delivered to you. Even if you do not achieve your highest goal immediately, you will attain far more than you would have if you entertained a smaller dream. "I used to shoot for the moon, and I hit the mountains; now I shoot for the stars, and I'm hitting the moon."
Be humble enough to admit that you don't see your highest possibilities, yet powerful enough to accept God's vision of your potential. Even our most exalted insights glimpse but a tiny portion of the big picture. In 1949, an issue of Popular Mechanics magazine featured an article by the expert on the then-new field of computers. He predicted that "by the end of the century, computers may weigh as little as 1.5 tons." I am now writing on a laptop computer that weighs 6 pounds-one five hundredth the size he predicted! The most exalted visionary of his time erred by a factor of 500! Imagine that the good you can receive is 500 hundred times more wonderful than you can imagine, and you will be taking your first step toward thinking for yourself as God thinks for you.
Alan Cohen is the author of the bestselling The Dragon Doesn't Live Here Anymore.
Copyright © 1997 by Alan Cohen
All rights reserved. Inquiries should be addressed to
Hay House, P.O. Box 5100, Carlsbad, CA 92018
by Alan Cohen
I saw a billboard prominently displaying photos of two bottles of liquor. One was a small bottle with the caption, "Regular size." The other bottle was huge, several times larger than the tiny one --its caption was, "Fantasize."
The only dreams worth entertaining are those which are far greater than the life we are already living. If we are guilty of any sin (Self-Inflicted Nonsense), it is accommodation. We hurt ourselves not by what we ask for; but by what we settle for.
When choosing a goal, be sure it is outrageous. If it is something you have already done, or think you may be able to do, you are thinking too small. Worthy dreams stretch us beyond our history and challenge our limits, calling us to live larger than we thought we were.
Here is a powerful exercise that will show you how to step into bigger shoes. On a piece of paper, write the heading, "Know I Can." Under the heading, write down three goals you are confident you can accomplish, and probably will, within a matter of time. Below that section write, "Maybe I Can." Then number 4 through 6, and write down three projects you would like to do, but wonder if you really can. These are the dreams that stretch you beyond your current boundaries, but seem within the realm of possibility. Finally, write the heading, "Outrageous," and for numbers 7 through 9, record the three most outlandish visions you can think of, the dreams that thrill you to consider, but you don't see how they could possibly happen.
The second part of the exercise requires that you read your list daily, spending about twenty seconds visualizing each goal (sixty seconds if you are inspired). Hold each image clearly in mind, and get the feeling that your objective has already been realized.
The exercise becomes even more fun as you check off each goal when it is accomplished. Your visioning will be met with miracles and support from the universe through avenues you could never have predicted. As you complete checking off the first group, the second group will slide up to a higher level of possibility; the "Maybe I Can" section will become the "Know I Can." Your excitement will further increase when the third group ascends to become the second; somehow the "Outrageous" becomes "Maybe I Can," and before too long, "Know I Can." Then you can add more to your "Maybe I Can" and "Outrageous" lists and watch them slide up like credits rolling at the end of a movie. Your only job is to stay focused, keep visualizing, and remain open to receive more than you once thought you deserved.
A recent Amway convention centered on the theme, "Think Big-Settle for More." Life operates according to universal laws which, if you tap into them, will transport you home like a mighty stallion. Life gives us not what we struggle for, but what we allow. You can come to the ocean with a thimble, a bucket, or a tank truck, and you will take with you the volume of the container you brought.
As I was leading a guided meditation I had a vision of a great light shining down on everyone in the room. The light was the abundance of the universe, the vast love of God, replete with infinite good and blessings. In the vision each person was sitting with a basket in his or her lap; some held tiny baskets, and others had huge ones. Those with small baskets were receiving a little, and those with huge baskets were receiving a lot. All was offered to all, and each gathered as much as they were willing to hold.
William Blake boldly declared, "A man's reach should exceed his grasp, or else what's a heaven for?"
Outrageous goals are valuable because they expand your belief system and carve wider neural pathways in your brain, by which your good may be delivered to you. Even if you do not achieve your highest goal immediately, you will attain far more than you would have if you entertained a smaller dream. "I used to shoot for the moon, and I hit the mountains; now I shoot for the stars, and I'm hitting the moon."
Be humble enough to admit that you don't see your highest possibilities, yet powerful enough to accept God's vision of your potential. Even our most exalted insights glimpse but a tiny portion of the big picture. In 1949, an issue of Popular Mechanics magazine featured an article by the expert on the then-new field of computers. He predicted that "by the end of the century, computers may weigh as little as 1.5 tons." I am now writing on a laptop computer that weighs 6 pounds-one five hundredth the size he predicted! The most exalted visionary of his time erred by a factor of 500! Imagine that the good you can receive is 500 hundred times more wonderful than you can imagine, and you will be taking your first step toward thinking for yourself as God thinks for you.
Alan Cohen is the author of the bestselling The Dragon Doesn't Live Here Anymore.
Copyright © 1997 by Alan Cohen
All rights reserved. Inquiries should be addressed to
Hay House, P.O. Box 5100, Carlsbad, CA 92018
22 January 2007
Using Frustration
Monday 6:45pm 22Jan07
I've gone into week two of being plagued by constant frustrations. This is usually the point when I leave, disappear out of people's lives never to be heard from again. But I'm tired of running. I'm tired of fighting all the battles or even choosing my battles. The whole drama is too exhausting.
It's taken me a full two weeks to get my energy level back from being sick from a cold/stomach flu combo. The good thing about that is I had to approach the frustrations from a different angle. Instead of fighting it off with words, speaking up about the injustice of it all, I've had to stew in my thoughts.
I've got goals I want to work on, things I want to do with my life. I can't keep my focus on my goals if I'm caught in the mire of frustrations.
I came home one night last week and freeflowed for an hour, my nightly ritual to cleanse my mind of the residual junk or frustration or stress that I may carry home with me that keeps me from writing. In the midst of the mind cleanse, I wrote that the frustrations were there to push me foreward with my goals. They are messages telling me to work diligently on my goals rather than running away which has been my modus operandi my whole adult life.
I lived the motto, "If you don't like it, walk away."
Not these days. These days, although I haven't found a clear motto, my mottos has something to do with not getting too complacent. Don't be too comfortable but know that I'm in the perfect place, the perfect situation to serve my purpose.
Yeah, my frustrations are God's way of telling me to keep focused on my goals.
What do your frustrations mean to you?
EY
I've gone into week two of being plagued by constant frustrations. This is usually the point when I leave, disappear out of people's lives never to be heard from again. But I'm tired of running. I'm tired of fighting all the battles or even choosing my battles. The whole drama is too exhausting.
It's taken me a full two weeks to get my energy level back from being sick from a cold/stomach flu combo. The good thing about that is I had to approach the frustrations from a different angle. Instead of fighting it off with words, speaking up about the injustice of it all, I've had to stew in my thoughts.
I've got goals I want to work on, things I want to do with my life. I can't keep my focus on my goals if I'm caught in the mire of frustrations.
I came home one night last week and freeflowed for an hour, my nightly ritual to cleanse my mind of the residual junk or frustration or stress that I may carry home with me that keeps me from writing. In the midst of the mind cleanse, I wrote that the frustrations were there to push me foreward with my goals. They are messages telling me to work diligently on my goals rather than running away which has been my modus operandi my whole adult life.
I lived the motto, "If you don't like it, walk away."
Not these days. These days, although I haven't found a clear motto, my mottos has something to do with not getting too complacent. Don't be too comfortable but know that I'm in the perfect place, the perfect situation to serve my purpose.
Yeah, my frustrations are God's way of telling me to keep focused on my goals.
What do your frustrations mean to you?
EY
05 January 2007
Glory Glory!
Friday 9:46pm 5Jan07
There's an affirmation that I know I have written somewhere but can't find it right now. But basically it alludes to us being in the right place right now. Whatever situations we are in are perfect for what we need to do, for the dreams we plan to realize, for the lessons we need to learn.
I'm really feeling that this evening. It's Friday and normally I'd be in bed by now after a week of work I'm normally wiped. The whole thing of being around so many people and being on all the time usually wears me out by Friday. Like an old girl I'm conked out before 10pm.
I've been focusing on three things as of late. I've been working towards writing 21 hours a week. I've been getting up everyday as close to 4am as much as possible (it's been more around 4:30am which isn't too shabby in the grand scheme of goals) and I've been working on pushing my daily walking from 10,000 steps a day to 15,000 steps. I'm hitting about 14,000 steps most days and more on others.
The results this week have been taking form. Moving me in the forward direction. I've been writing at least 1.5 hours a day with a couple days hitting 2.5 hours (I'm still trying to get to 3 hours a day). I've been getting up at 4:30am basically because I don't always hear my alarm at 4am but always hear my stereo at 4:30am. And with the walking, I've been either leaving a half hour earlier before work or walking longer after work before I come home.
My 4:30am rise does such a great thing for my state of mind. I'm focusing on my goals first and foremost. Making my dreams a priority before I set out for a day of work (realizing other peoples goals) keeps me in good stead to make it through the inevitable frustrations of the day. Pushing myself to write every single day helps me to prove to myself that I'm serious about realizing my goals.
It's funny, I've only told a couple people about my writing goal and one person made a comment, "Wow, That's an ambitious goal," in that tone of voice. Yeah Skippy, it's an ambitious goal and I'm not getting younger as the years pass by. Oh and neither are you, or hadn't you noticed? And the walking is to give my lazy ass the energy to work on that 'ambitious goal' combined with making it through each work day.
Back to that comment about being in the right place right now and all that... I've been thinking about the men (boys?) that were in my life that I had to wipe completely out of my life. Their confusion causing behaviours were too time consuming for one and I discovered that there is a reason for me being single right now. I need all the time I can fit in to the work on my goals and a confusing man just takes my focus away from that.
If a man can't just show his interest without a lot of game playing and strange bullshit, he's not interested enough and at no time will that relationship change, it will only get worse. You can justify anyone's bad behaviour but you'll still keep getting bad behaviour. Bottom line. They were cute, but they weren't Gods. 6'5" built like a brick shit house, now that's a God! If I'm going to have my time consumed, let it be with a God! Here here!
I'm 42 years old soon to be 43. I don't know if I'm going to live for another year or if I'll live into my 80's or if I'll make it to a hundred with all my mental faculties in tact (touch wood). I've really hit my wall of mortality and there are things I want to do with my life before I die. And I'm not interested in sharing that time with people who only want to talk about themselves or tell me about their projects but have no genuine interest in mine except to find an opportunity to criticize me. Or ask me how I am and in the midst of telling them they cut me off because they are reminded about some more information about themselves. My ears are closed to you. I've got bigger and better things on the front and back burners.
I've been the go to girl for my whole life and all it's done was to let my life slip by while others ran off and lived theirs only to come running back when in crisis. If you're in crisis, go see a therapist. They're paid to listen. They're professionals. They do it during business hours. IT IS NOT MY JOB TO HEAL THE FUCKING WORLD! It's not my job.
I'm finally getting it. I've finally realized how much better I feel by putting myself first in my life. If I have anything healing to say, it's to tell you to go and put yourself first in your life.
And for my little friend who hasn't found a new job yet, but will soon, and reads me daily (have I told you I love you?) just remember that you too are in the right place right now, we all are. What do you need to do while you're in this place, if there is a purpose for you being here? I ask only because I want you to feel better in your moment of feeling stuck.
EY
There's an affirmation that I know I have written somewhere but can't find it right now. But basically it alludes to us being in the right place right now. Whatever situations we are in are perfect for what we need to do, for the dreams we plan to realize, for the lessons we need to learn.
I'm really feeling that this evening. It's Friday and normally I'd be in bed by now after a week of work I'm normally wiped. The whole thing of being around so many people and being on all the time usually wears me out by Friday. Like an old girl I'm conked out before 10pm.
I've been focusing on three things as of late. I've been working towards writing 21 hours a week. I've been getting up everyday as close to 4am as much as possible (it's been more around 4:30am which isn't too shabby in the grand scheme of goals) and I've been working on pushing my daily walking from 10,000 steps a day to 15,000 steps. I'm hitting about 14,000 steps most days and more on others.
The results this week have been taking form. Moving me in the forward direction. I've been writing at least 1.5 hours a day with a couple days hitting 2.5 hours (I'm still trying to get to 3 hours a day). I've been getting up at 4:30am basically because I don't always hear my alarm at 4am but always hear my stereo at 4:30am. And with the walking, I've been either leaving a half hour earlier before work or walking longer after work before I come home.
My 4:30am rise does such a great thing for my state of mind. I'm focusing on my goals first and foremost. Making my dreams a priority before I set out for a day of work (realizing other peoples goals) keeps me in good stead to make it through the inevitable frustrations of the day. Pushing myself to write every single day helps me to prove to myself that I'm serious about realizing my goals.
It's funny, I've only told a couple people about my writing goal and one person made a comment, "Wow, That's an ambitious goal," in that tone of voice. Yeah Skippy, it's an ambitious goal and I'm not getting younger as the years pass by. Oh and neither are you, or hadn't you noticed? And the walking is to give my lazy ass the energy to work on that 'ambitious goal' combined with making it through each work day.
Back to that comment about being in the right place right now and all that... I've been thinking about the men (boys?) that were in my life that I had to wipe completely out of my life. Their confusion causing behaviours were too time consuming for one and I discovered that there is a reason for me being single right now. I need all the time I can fit in to the work on my goals and a confusing man just takes my focus away from that.
If a man can't just show his interest without a lot of game playing and strange bullshit, he's not interested enough and at no time will that relationship change, it will only get worse. You can justify anyone's bad behaviour but you'll still keep getting bad behaviour. Bottom line. They were cute, but they weren't Gods. 6'5" built like a brick shit house, now that's a God! If I'm going to have my time consumed, let it be with a God! Here here!
I'm 42 years old soon to be 43. I don't know if I'm going to live for another year or if I'll live into my 80's or if I'll make it to a hundred with all my mental faculties in tact (touch wood). I've really hit my wall of mortality and there are things I want to do with my life before I die. And I'm not interested in sharing that time with people who only want to talk about themselves or tell me about their projects but have no genuine interest in mine except to find an opportunity to criticize me. Or ask me how I am and in the midst of telling them they cut me off because they are reminded about some more information about themselves. My ears are closed to you. I've got bigger and better things on the front and back burners.
I've been the go to girl for my whole life and all it's done was to let my life slip by while others ran off and lived theirs only to come running back when in crisis. If you're in crisis, go see a therapist. They're paid to listen. They're professionals. They do it during business hours. IT IS NOT MY JOB TO HEAL THE FUCKING WORLD! It's not my job.
I'm finally getting it. I've finally realized how much better I feel by putting myself first in my life. If I have anything healing to say, it's to tell you to go and put yourself first in your life.
And for my little friend who hasn't found a new job yet, but will soon, and reads me daily (have I told you I love you?) just remember that you too are in the right place right now, we all are. What do you need to do while you're in this place, if there is a purpose for you being here? I ask only because I want you to feel better in your moment of feeling stuck.
EY
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
