Sunday 8June08 11:03am
Wow it's been a month since I've been here last! No excuses. It's been 50% of good and 50% of a pain in the ass. Isn't that always the way? I've had big bouts of laziness and the odd spurts of motivation and I'm always challenged with finding my way through it all.
I've spent most of my time focused on my little kitten Gatsby, the pisces heartbreaker. He keeps me amused and gives me a loving, grateful focus which if you know anything about me, you know it's needed. What seemed like a crazy idea to most, adding a 4th cat to the fold, was a stroke of genius. Watching a kitten discover his surroundings and get excited over a crumpled piece of paper and other silliness reminds me to attempt to do the same thing in my life. Life is supposed to be an adventure, right?
Gemini is all about the mind. Has your mind been going a mile a minute? My mind has been all over the place but the thrilling thing is that I've had that Gemini level of detachment so the little annoyances haven't been quite as all consuming as they can be. Praise God! We're in the middle of office renovations at work during a Mercury Retrograde. Can you spell laughter?
I have to laugh because I'd lose my mind. Nothing is quite like the shop drawings that I had a hand in approving. The workers come in during the day and cause much disruption. Jackhammers are dead to me! I've breathed in more dust than any one person should ever inhale. I've gone home with headaches and sore shoulders from the tension. I can't open my desk drawers and sit at my desk at the same time. And what was going to be about a week of renovations has now gone into week three. We have a private pool betting on which month it will be complete and how many difficiencies will still be hanging over our heads. As much as possible I remain detached.
In keeping with the communication issues of Merc, people have been coming to me asking for help and when I try to give my help they proceed to interrupt me to tell me how much they know in keeping with the help they've requested. Oh, so you know how to do this then, you don't need my help? If it's my area of expertise and you call me for help, why must you insist that you actually know more than I do? I didn't call you. *sigh* Remain detached!
So I write notes in my handbook. I write about the peculiarities of others. I write descriptions for possible characters because we all know these kinds of people and sometimes (very rarely though, right?) we are those people ourselves. I feel like I'm making productive use of what could drive me crazy if I thought about it too much.
And back to Gemini, not that I left it. It took me forever to get the summary of all the previous New Millenium Being newsletters sorted through. Ahh in a year I'll have one done for each sign so next year I'll be more timely! The main points offered from Guru Rattana over the years have been to:
- Maintain a neutral mind,
- tune into your breath by slowing it down and breathing deeply,
- alternate nostril breathing
- train ourselves to listen - first to ourselves and then to others,
And in her most current newsletter she recommends for June:
1 - to not take yourself or every minute detail in life so seriously
2 - to make it your priority to uplift others and spread joy
3 - to make people and yourself laugh
4 - to change negative conversations into heart-felt connection
5 - to perfect our sense of humor.
Hmm! And Mecury is retrograde until June 19th, which means the direct energies don't really take effect until around the 24th or 25th. I'm giving it to the 26th to be on the safe side. ha ha!
I realized the other day that I got my cat Zoe, who died in November, during a Mercury Retrograde. Every thing that I was told about her turned out to be not what I'd expected. The ironic thing was that I had second thoughts about taking her because it was Mercury Retrograde but I'd talked myself out of the Second thoughts saying, "what could go wrong it's just a cat?" What could go wrong indeed. Sometimes I feel like a wacko when i discuss Mercury Retrograde except luckily I have enough friends who also believe in the strange energy to make me feel less wack-otic (my new word!) So I say believe it or don't believe it but keep a watchful eye out, regardless.
JUNE ENERGIES
Rev. Sheri Kozdron whose podcast Angel moments by Angel Messenger I listen to gave me some keywords/thoughts for June.
Gemini - information, reclaiming our mind, how our thoughts affect us.
Focus on love, generousity, peace and forgiveness
Sagittarius Full Moon - Our search for meaning.
And here are some links to the people I've mentioned:
New Millenium Being Archives Scroll down to the archives. Subscibe to the list, it's worth it! Guru Rattana gives so much free information that you can spend years reading it all, which I have. It's what finally got me into Kundalini Yoga. I'm proud to say that I have finally bought 4 of her books.
Angel Messenger Rev Sheri Kozdron has both a podcast and a blog.
Starchild also offers energies to focus on, use, notice for each month.
EY
08 June 2008
04 May 2008
Taurus Energy
4May08 Sunday 4:38pm
I'm trying to read through all the New Millenium Beings written for Taurus but am finding that there is so much in all of them that the summary I could write wouldn't be a summary after all. I laugh, as I did in Aquarius, that the issues I've been blogging about fall into Taurus territory. My whole piece on expecations...
Anyway, here are some notes gleaned from a few of the previous New Millenium Being newsletters written by Guru Rattana over the years.
From NMB #16 2000
I liked her three phases of Taurus the bull:
The Sleeping Bull
The basic lesson to be learned is to shift from a dependency on external values to a reliance on inner ones. Look at what you value most, how it impacts your life and how changes in your value structure will help you to achieve what you really want.
The Awakening Bull
dig deep to access hidden resources in your own psyche. Examine personal values and align them with your inner core and eliminate those that are a by product of social conditioning and poor parenting. Learn not to depend on the material world for your inner security. Free yourself of the bondage and insecurities caused by physical attachments whether they be money, possessions, situations or relationships.
Find more rewarding and less destructive ways to nurture yourself and express yourself freely. Learn how to reconcile, connect and align your inner and outer worlds.
My entries about Shiastu and Kundalini Yoga, getting into the body instead of just being in the mind fall in line with Guru Rattana's comments that "the body must be honoured and used as a vehicle for the higher expression of the soul. Your physical body must be cared for to facilitate the masterful use by the mind and emotions to serve your inner purpose."
The Awakened Bull
The touchestones might be, "I want what I have." "I have myself." 'I desire the light."
It is the way of artful, spiritual living. Your spiritual presence inspires, your expression of Divine Will leads. Your artistic expression of life frees, uplifts and transforms everyone and everything you come in contact with.
In NMB 17
she writes about Taurus issues which include the desire for comfort, security and pleasure. Basic questions involving choices of how to use our time, money and energy. We ask ourselves questions related to Values, Security and Foundations. What do we truly value? What will give us real security? What are our foundations and are they built on values that give us real security?
Taurus energy teaches about magetism. What we attract depends upon what we believe we deserve and how much we value ourselves. Taurus teaches us that we must find out what we value and protect ourselves from being influenced by external disapproval of our personal value system. Our ultimate security is built upon self-acceptance and self-love.
How do we tune into Taurus energy? Taurus makes us slow down. Taurus energy also grounds us and helps us be very present in our bodies and aware of the sensations in our bodies.
Taurus main attributes or words that describe: stable, loyal, patient, sensual, indulgent, stubborn, resistant, immovable, lazy, slow and attuned to the natural world. Our goal is to allow ourselves to experience these energies and then to work with them and allow them to nurture, sustain and teach us.
Taurus teaches us that one of the highest forms of healing is available through self-love.
NMB 33 is so packed with information that I can't even quote from it.
NMB #87
How we value ourselves determines how we spend our time and money.
In Aries we defined our self. In Taurus we plant our garden. We figure out how to support who we are, how we get what we want, and how to survive and meet our basic needs.
The first steps in self discovery are coached by Aries. Our Taurus coach introduces us to things, possessions, resources and value (both personal and material.)
Value - we discover what we value - what makes us comfortable, what things give us pleasure, what physical situations we feel are necessary for our security. We learn about what we have to Do to get what we want. We learn about the practical economices of life and that we have to make and have money to buy possessions and services. What we also learn is that the value we place on ourselves is a determining factor in our ability to manifest both the necessities and foodies of life.
The sooner we link the two together, the more we can manifest and enjoy what we acquire:
1) the things that money can buy and how to generate enough money to purchase them
2) What money can't buy - our personal values, our self-worth and our unique talents.
If we are too fixate on the status quo and too influenced by our society and family patterns, we may fall into the rut of following a pathe that our parents deem appropriate for us and live by externally defined values that don't reflect what really makes us happy.
And because there is so much on Taurus I skip to her most latest NMB #147
You can always subscribe for the actual newsletters that are always filled with lots of info
Taurus and Scorpio (The full moon is always in the opposite sign which means that the opposite signs issues come up during the Sun signs stay). Taurus and Scorpio work together to help us understand what we want and what we have to do (or not do) to get it. We need to commit to changing what needs to be transformed. We can figure this out by reviewing our values, identifying our deepest desires and defining our highest priorities.
Taurus
- willing to work to achieve and maintain a secure, stable, material lifestyle.
- seeks to enjoy the peace of mind and the emotional serenity that material security and physical pleasures afford.
- needs to figure out how spiritual laws apply to the physical world and to learn how to function effectively in the physical world.
- involves learning about the laws of manifestation and the laws of attraction
The Taurus path requires:
1 - being grounded in the body
2 - operating effectively in the physical world
3 - being able to manifest and manage the resources to take care of ourselves
4 - experiencing spirit in our daliy lives
5 - attuning to and appreciating the beauty and sacredness of nature
Taurus needs to learn
1- to enjoy, not just be obsessed with the money game
2 - to establish a secure financial base and use it to take care of ourselves
3 - to overcome worries of not having enough
4 - to let go of anxiety about loss
5 - to enjoy and appreciate the wealth that it has
Taurus must build and be involved in some creative project to feel satisfied. Inner peace is elusive if we are not working with our favorite tools and producing something - music, arts, crafts, physical structures, or financial, construction or spiritual projects.
We follow our destiny path when we are engaged in divinely inspired creative endeavors. We can attain a level of contentment once our creative urge is appropriately focused and one pointed.
The Bull teaches us that right livelihood and work is a creative act, not punishment.
I'm trying to read through all the New Millenium Beings written for Taurus but am finding that there is so much in all of them that the summary I could write wouldn't be a summary after all. I laugh, as I did in Aquarius, that the issues I've been blogging about fall into Taurus territory. My whole piece on expecations...
Anyway, here are some notes gleaned from a few of the previous New Millenium Being newsletters written by Guru Rattana over the years.
From NMB #16 2000
I liked her three phases of Taurus the bull:
The Sleeping Bull
The basic lesson to be learned is to shift from a dependency on external values to a reliance on inner ones. Look at what you value most, how it impacts your life and how changes in your value structure will help you to achieve what you really want.
The Awakening Bull
dig deep to access hidden resources in your own psyche. Examine personal values and align them with your inner core and eliminate those that are a by product of social conditioning and poor parenting. Learn not to depend on the material world for your inner security. Free yourself of the bondage and insecurities caused by physical attachments whether they be money, possessions, situations or relationships.
Find more rewarding and less destructive ways to nurture yourself and express yourself freely. Learn how to reconcile, connect and align your inner and outer worlds.
My entries about Shiastu and Kundalini Yoga, getting into the body instead of just being in the mind fall in line with Guru Rattana's comments that "the body must be honoured and used as a vehicle for the higher expression of the soul. Your physical body must be cared for to facilitate the masterful use by the mind and emotions to serve your inner purpose."
The Awakened Bull
The touchestones might be, "I want what I have." "I have myself." 'I desire the light."
It is the way of artful, spiritual living. Your spiritual presence inspires, your expression of Divine Will leads. Your artistic expression of life frees, uplifts and transforms everyone and everything you come in contact with.
In NMB 17
she writes about Taurus issues which include the desire for comfort, security and pleasure. Basic questions involving choices of how to use our time, money and energy. We ask ourselves questions related to Values, Security and Foundations. What do we truly value? What will give us real security? What are our foundations and are they built on values that give us real security?
Taurus energy teaches about magetism. What we attract depends upon what we believe we deserve and how much we value ourselves. Taurus teaches us that we must find out what we value and protect ourselves from being influenced by external disapproval of our personal value system. Our ultimate security is built upon self-acceptance and self-love.
How do we tune into Taurus energy? Taurus makes us slow down. Taurus energy also grounds us and helps us be very present in our bodies and aware of the sensations in our bodies.
Taurus main attributes or words that describe: stable, loyal, patient, sensual, indulgent, stubborn, resistant, immovable, lazy, slow and attuned to the natural world. Our goal is to allow ourselves to experience these energies and then to work with them and allow them to nurture, sustain and teach us.
Taurus teaches us that one of the highest forms of healing is available through self-love.
NMB 33 is so packed with information that I can't even quote from it.
NMB #87
How we value ourselves determines how we spend our time and money.
In Aries we defined our self. In Taurus we plant our garden. We figure out how to support who we are, how we get what we want, and how to survive and meet our basic needs.
The first steps in self discovery are coached by Aries. Our Taurus coach introduces us to things, possessions, resources and value (both personal and material.)
Value - we discover what we value - what makes us comfortable, what things give us pleasure, what physical situations we feel are necessary for our security. We learn about what we have to Do to get what we want. We learn about the practical economices of life and that we have to make and have money to buy possessions and services. What we also learn is that the value we place on ourselves is a determining factor in our ability to manifest both the necessities and foodies of life.
The sooner we link the two together, the more we can manifest and enjoy what we acquire:
1) the things that money can buy and how to generate enough money to purchase them
2) What money can't buy - our personal values, our self-worth and our unique talents.
If we are too fixate on the status quo and too influenced by our society and family patterns, we may fall into the rut of following a pathe that our parents deem appropriate for us and live by externally defined values that don't reflect what really makes us happy.
And because there is so much on Taurus I skip to her most latest NMB #147
You can always subscribe for the actual newsletters that are always filled with lots of info
Taurus and Scorpio (The full moon is always in the opposite sign which means that the opposite signs issues come up during the Sun signs stay). Taurus and Scorpio work together to help us understand what we want and what we have to do (or not do) to get it. We need to commit to changing what needs to be transformed. We can figure this out by reviewing our values, identifying our deepest desires and defining our highest priorities.
Taurus
- willing to work to achieve and maintain a secure, stable, material lifestyle.
- seeks to enjoy the peace of mind and the emotional serenity that material security and physical pleasures afford.
- needs to figure out how spiritual laws apply to the physical world and to learn how to function effectively in the physical world.
- involves learning about the laws of manifestation and the laws of attraction
The Taurus path requires:
1 - being grounded in the body
2 - operating effectively in the physical world
3 - being able to manifest and manage the resources to take care of ourselves
4 - experiencing spirit in our daliy lives
5 - attuning to and appreciating the beauty and sacredness of nature
Taurus needs to learn
1- to enjoy, not just be obsessed with the money game
2 - to establish a secure financial base and use it to take care of ourselves
3 - to overcome worries of not having enough
4 - to let go of anxiety about loss
5 - to enjoy and appreciate the wealth that it has
Taurus must build and be involved in some creative project to feel satisfied. Inner peace is elusive if we are not working with our favorite tools and producing something - music, arts, crafts, physical structures, or financial, construction or spiritual projects.
We follow our destiny path when we are engaged in divinely inspired creative endeavors. We can attain a level of contentment once our creative urge is appropriately focused and one pointed.
The Bull teaches us that right livelihood and work is a creative act, not punishment.
Trust
Sunday 1:28pm 4May08
Yeah so I deleted what I originally wrote here cuz I now want it to be private!
EY
nb: I forgot to mention in my Gatsby post that I'd also been working on going through my clutter again. I found a piece of paper that said, "be the kind of person you want to attract." As I walked out from having filled in the application for adoption and asked myself how crazy I was for considering the adoption, I answered , "If you want love, give love."
Yeah so I deleted what I originally wrote here cuz I now want it to be private!
EY
nb: I forgot to mention in my Gatsby post that I'd also been working on going through my clutter again. I found a piece of paper that said, "be the kind of person you want to attract." As I walked out from having filled in the application for adoption and asked myself how crazy I was for considering the adoption, I answered , "If you want love, give love."
The Great Gatsby
Sunday 12:51pm 4May08
After my prisoner of expectations moment this week, I walked home Thursday after work and decided to go into the vet to see the kitten in the window. Sometimes a cat lover needs to tease herself. Can you feel it coming? ha ha!
The workers were all very friendly, got me behind closed doors to see the kitten and informed me that she wasn't the only kitten they had. Kitten in the window is a black kitten with white feet. The other two kittens, also girls, were all black. I was phewing all over the place because, if the truth be known, I want a boy cat. I already have three girls. Isaac says, "we have one more kitten. We keep HIM separated because he has the sniffles and is on antibiotics." Jessica returns with Isaac to tell me that itsy bitsy boy had rough beginnings and almost died twice but he's doing fine and he purrs the moment you touch him and he's really affectionate and we all just love him! He is 10 weeks old and is the size of a 3 or 4 week kitten. He's got the big forehead and expressive eyes much like Yoda, what all the staff have been calling him. Yoda is the spitting image of kitten in the window.
I say, "I'm all about rough beginnings!"
Jessica says, "Then he's your guy!"
Yes. I inherited my mother's love of the runt of the litter. I like to fill a need when there is a problem. My heart opens wide when someone is in crisis. But that is the height of being human isn't it? When that news story hits of major misfortune whether it's September 11th or Hurricane Katrina, or an innocent bystander walking down the street and accidentally being shot and killed and leaving his child fatherless. Or that little girl abandoned in the stairwell during the winter of which many famillies wanted to adopt. Heck, I wanted to adopt her. With the worst stories we all really step up to the plate to help out in what ever way we can.
So yes, what I'm saying is I've adopted itsy bitsy male kitten. He almost died twice and he wheezes when he breathes and he's the size of one of my hands and he's still on antibiotics (supplied for free from the vet). And since he's such a little guy with poor beginnings I name him Gatsby, after F. Scott Fitzgerald's character and the name goes nicely with Zelda, my two year old, named after F. Scott's wife. The big cats are all pretty bitter as what happens in the beginning. Zelda is too busy running away scared to really check the mini man out. Picasso and Quincy spit at him and spit at eachother and spit at a fluff of dust. But they're not giving up their positions on the bed although they give me dirty looks when I bring Gatsby up to cuddle.
When I went to pick him up yesterday, just about every staff member came out to check me out and say good bye to their favorite rescue and beg me to bring him in for a visit. Last night I chose a birthdate for him, counting back ten weeks from the day I met him since they weren't sure of his actual birthdate. Although I will ask again just to be sure. Ten weeks ago was still in Pisces and around my birthday. haha. So his chosen by me birthdate is Feb 28th. And he's a leap year baby like me.
What is more exciting than watching a baby something? What is better than to nurture and love?
EY
After my prisoner of expectations moment this week, I walked home Thursday after work and decided to go into the vet to see the kitten in the window. Sometimes a cat lover needs to tease herself. Can you feel it coming? ha ha!
The workers were all very friendly, got me behind closed doors to see the kitten and informed me that she wasn't the only kitten they had. Kitten in the window is a black kitten with white feet. The other two kittens, also girls, were all black. I was phewing all over the place because, if the truth be known, I want a boy cat. I already have three girls. Isaac says, "we have one more kitten. We keep HIM separated because he has the sniffles and is on antibiotics." Jessica returns with Isaac to tell me that itsy bitsy boy had rough beginnings and almost died twice but he's doing fine and he purrs the moment you touch him and he's really affectionate and we all just love him! He is 10 weeks old and is the size of a 3 or 4 week kitten. He's got the big forehead and expressive eyes much like Yoda, what all the staff have been calling him. Yoda is the spitting image of kitten in the window.
I say, "I'm all about rough beginnings!"
Jessica says, "Then he's your guy!"
Yes. I inherited my mother's love of the runt of the litter. I like to fill a need when there is a problem. My heart opens wide when someone is in crisis. But that is the height of being human isn't it? When that news story hits of major misfortune whether it's September 11th or Hurricane Katrina, or an innocent bystander walking down the street and accidentally being shot and killed and leaving his child fatherless. Or that little girl abandoned in the stairwell during the winter of which many famillies wanted to adopt. Heck, I wanted to adopt her. With the worst stories we all really step up to the plate to help out in what ever way we can.
So yes, what I'm saying is I've adopted itsy bitsy male kitten. He almost died twice and he wheezes when he breathes and he's the size of one of my hands and he's still on antibiotics (supplied for free from the vet). And since he's such a little guy with poor beginnings I name him Gatsby, after F. Scott Fitzgerald's character and the name goes nicely with Zelda, my two year old, named after F. Scott's wife. The big cats are all pretty bitter as what happens in the beginning. Zelda is too busy running away scared to really check the mini man out. Picasso and Quincy spit at him and spit at eachother and spit at a fluff of dust. But they're not giving up their positions on the bed although they give me dirty looks when I bring Gatsby up to cuddle.
When I went to pick him up yesterday, just about every staff member came out to check me out and say good bye to their favorite rescue and beg me to bring him in for a visit. Last night I chose a birthdate for him, counting back ten weeks from the day I met him since they weren't sure of his actual birthdate. Although I will ask again just to be sure. Ten weeks ago was still in Pisces and around my birthday. haha. So his chosen by me birthdate is Feb 28th. And he's a leap year baby like me.
What is more exciting than watching a baby something? What is better than to nurture and love?
EY
01 May 2008
Prisoner of Expectations
Thursday 1May08
Prisoner of Expectations
Through the silence I find one of my big issues pop up. Sometimes I find I’m upset or mad about stuff and I can’t articulate what the main issue is. Currently it’s the business culture of recognizing some people with awards for service and continually bypassing others. The different rules for different people syndrome! I know it all too well. I lived it in my childhood home first and am still regularly faced with it.
Back in 2000 or 2001 when I was going through similar changes but worse, I went to see a movie Café Ole with my girlfriend Tricia. It’s a cute little Montreal film about a guy that does for everyone else and somehow his life is passing him by while everyone depends on him and takes him for granted. Towards the end of the movie when he makes a drastic change he says a line that spoke to my life and made me cry. Tricia and I left the movie theatre and I was still crying. We walked through the Manulife Centre and I was still crying. As we were about to leave, she looked at me and asked, “Are you okay?” and I said, “I can’t get it together, that line is playing in my head. It’s me” and we stood outside the hair salon that I’d worked at earlier that year as I sobbed in Tricia’s arms. It was pretty big!
Here I am, present day, faced with the recognition issue. I study the times I’ve been taken for granted or not acknowledged for who I am. I don’t do anything for recognition but when others are recognized for less than what I’ve done as part of who I am the red flag comes up in my mind and I think, “Humph! I’ve been doing that and more forever and not a soul has mentioned anything.” Interesting!
As a Pisces, just about anything you read says that they are always last and are used to it. They walk through life not being recognized. Blah, blah, blah. But seriously, is it because I’m a freakin’ Pisces? And of all the things that are Pisces, why does that have to be the thing that is true? These days I see the lack of recognition, the high expectations and the general taking for granted of, as a message from the Universe not to feel guilty about moving on and following my inner voice and what dreams she concocts.
I’ve come a long way since that day I cried in Tricia’s arms and it’s been a long road, with dropping friends and changing jobs and sometimes yelling or slamming doors or fire bombing an incendiary email as a last resort. But it bowls me over when it creeps back in.
It’s the reason why we rebel against our parents. We’re trying so hard to identify ourselves and to be identified as who we are separate from who they want us to be for their own comfort level. I never really rebelled against my mother while she was alive. Not on this issue anyway. I was always the daughter I was expected to be. I’ve always been the employee, the friend, the lover I am expected to be. I am dependable and available and cheerful to do it and I don’t ask for much other than peace. But where are the people who are grateful for people like me? People who can express their gratitude? People like me are so easy to take for granted.
At the arts organization I worked at for 10 years, my boss scheduled me for the shitty shifts and worse, with people she knew I couldn’t stand on a regular basis. If it was a festival, all the lazy asses would be scheduled with their buds and I’d be stuck with shady character like clock work. Lazy asses would ask, “Are you being punished?” It made me wonder. When I discussed it, I was either told that she depended on me or (the slap in the face) I can’t schedule every body only with people they like. Hmm, but you depend on me, isn’t there some reward in that? Even with friends in the past (people I’ve since dropped or limited my contact), there were the constant stupid situations I’d be put into. And it’s not like I never speak up for myself.
When I finally reach my limit because surprisingly, to every one who watches it happen, I do have a limit, although it can take years, the culprits get uncomfortable. Or come up with lame ass excuses. Most recently I was told that I had all these walls so built up that this specific person felt that he didn’t have to worry about me (that was when I was in pain for three months and I’d asked, what kind of friend doesn’t call or email even once). I was told a few years back that the reason why I didn’t want to be included in invitations that included these two women that I didn’t like (and said I didn’t like the first time I met both of them) was that I was intimidated by strong women. Those two examples still irk me. And at work, past and present, well there’s a whole whack of examples of interesting reasons that are never quite based in reality. *sigh*
There is always that air that something is wrong with me for wanting to break out of the mold that makes everyone else comfortable but leaves me feeling unfulfilled. That level of invisibility, not being heard, not being recognized, being taken for granted, who wants to be constantly jiggling in that Jello mold? It’s always a shock when I make that large sweeping decision merely because people haven’t heard a fucking thing I said. I say it in a nice voice first because I genuinely like those people. Then I say it in a loud voice because I’m nearing the end and this is my final warning. And then I leave and their so damn surprised.
Why do I attract so many people who need so much attention that they can’t hear anything but the sound of their own voices? I believe that I live in a supportive universe and obviously the way I’m dealing with this issue isn’t working. I need to work on my thoughts, my energy and my actions. That’s what I contend with. That’s what clanked around my brain at 1am when all of a sudden, I was awake with no signs of falling back to sleep. I sat on my bed with my journal and started to write. I turned on the television to CBC and lo and behold, Café Ole was on. The supportive universe poking me to see if I remembered that there was a line in the movie that was so apt back in 2000 or 2001 and it was going to be again if I was going to wait to hear it.
The character writes it in a letter to the lady he’d been playing the piano for on Tuesdays, Wednesdays and Fridays for $5 each session. I’d forgotten that she had said a part of it first, which was what propelled him. And instead of Malcolm Kaye, the character playing piano, the lady now has Sal there (a character who Malcolm also helped). Because when we leave, people always find someone else to take our place, and I need to remember that. She asks Sal to read the letter again and in it Malcolm writes, “I am not going to be there to play the piano for you anymore because I am tired of being a prisoner of expectations.” And she smiles because she was a prisoner of expectations and missed out on what could have been her one true love.
And when I heard it I didn’t cry this time but I nodded my head. Yep, I’ve changed some but I still have some work to do. And because I know the universe is supportive, I just need to get my thoughts and actions and energy in line and constantly ask myself, what do I want? If I believe that I am taken for granted, I will constantly be faced with opportunities where I am taken for granted. And people are so seductive in their guilt trippy I depend on you speeches but when I leave they always find a replacement. It’s worth repeating.
It was only supposed to be for a short time, in my childhood home, when all this began. It was so the step sisters would be comfortable and would know that they were welcome. Somehow there was always an excuse to maintain the status quo. And I never rebelled as all of us must, at some point, in order to grow up.
So I step into this full-fledged realization with a little bit of rebellion and an awareness that I need to do what’s good for me (which I’ve gotten better at). That there will always be an excuse, a justification to keep me a prisoner and I just don’t look good in prison stripes.
EY
Prisoner of Expectations
Through the silence I find one of my big issues pop up. Sometimes I find I’m upset or mad about stuff and I can’t articulate what the main issue is. Currently it’s the business culture of recognizing some people with awards for service and continually bypassing others. The different rules for different people syndrome! I know it all too well. I lived it in my childhood home first and am still regularly faced with it.
Back in 2000 or 2001 when I was going through similar changes but worse, I went to see a movie Café Ole with my girlfriend Tricia. It’s a cute little Montreal film about a guy that does for everyone else and somehow his life is passing him by while everyone depends on him and takes him for granted. Towards the end of the movie when he makes a drastic change he says a line that spoke to my life and made me cry. Tricia and I left the movie theatre and I was still crying. We walked through the Manulife Centre and I was still crying. As we were about to leave, she looked at me and asked, “Are you okay?” and I said, “I can’t get it together, that line is playing in my head. It’s me” and we stood outside the hair salon that I’d worked at earlier that year as I sobbed in Tricia’s arms. It was pretty big!
Here I am, present day, faced with the recognition issue. I study the times I’ve been taken for granted or not acknowledged for who I am. I don’t do anything for recognition but when others are recognized for less than what I’ve done as part of who I am the red flag comes up in my mind and I think, “Humph! I’ve been doing that and more forever and not a soul has mentioned anything.” Interesting!
As a Pisces, just about anything you read says that they are always last and are used to it. They walk through life not being recognized. Blah, blah, blah. But seriously, is it because I’m a freakin’ Pisces? And of all the things that are Pisces, why does that have to be the thing that is true? These days I see the lack of recognition, the high expectations and the general taking for granted of, as a message from the Universe not to feel guilty about moving on and following my inner voice and what dreams she concocts.
I’ve come a long way since that day I cried in Tricia’s arms and it’s been a long road, with dropping friends and changing jobs and sometimes yelling or slamming doors or fire bombing an incendiary email as a last resort. But it bowls me over when it creeps back in.
It’s the reason why we rebel against our parents. We’re trying so hard to identify ourselves and to be identified as who we are separate from who they want us to be for their own comfort level. I never really rebelled against my mother while she was alive. Not on this issue anyway. I was always the daughter I was expected to be. I’ve always been the employee, the friend, the lover I am expected to be. I am dependable and available and cheerful to do it and I don’t ask for much other than peace. But where are the people who are grateful for people like me? People who can express their gratitude? People like me are so easy to take for granted.
At the arts organization I worked at for 10 years, my boss scheduled me for the shitty shifts and worse, with people she knew I couldn’t stand on a regular basis. If it was a festival, all the lazy asses would be scheduled with their buds and I’d be stuck with shady character like clock work. Lazy asses would ask, “Are you being punished?” It made me wonder. When I discussed it, I was either told that she depended on me or (the slap in the face) I can’t schedule every body only with people they like. Hmm, but you depend on me, isn’t there some reward in that? Even with friends in the past (people I’ve since dropped or limited my contact), there were the constant stupid situations I’d be put into. And it’s not like I never speak up for myself.
When I finally reach my limit because surprisingly, to every one who watches it happen, I do have a limit, although it can take years, the culprits get uncomfortable. Or come up with lame ass excuses. Most recently I was told that I had all these walls so built up that this specific person felt that he didn’t have to worry about me (that was when I was in pain for three months and I’d asked, what kind of friend doesn’t call or email even once). I was told a few years back that the reason why I didn’t want to be included in invitations that included these two women that I didn’t like (and said I didn’t like the first time I met both of them) was that I was intimidated by strong women. Those two examples still irk me. And at work, past and present, well there’s a whole whack of examples of interesting reasons that are never quite based in reality. *sigh*
There is always that air that something is wrong with me for wanting to break out of the mold that makes everyone else comfortable but leaves me feeling unfulfilled. That level of invisibility, not being heard, not being recognized, being taken for granted, who wants to be constantly jiggling in that Jello mold? It’s always a shock when I make that large sweeping decision merely because people haven’t heard a fucking thing I said. I say it in a nice voice first because I genuinely like those people. Then I say it in a loud voice because I’m nearing the end and this is my final warning. And then I leave and their so damn surprised.
Why do I attract so many people who need so much attention that they can’t hear anything but the sound of their own voices? I believe that I live in a supportive universe and obviously the way I’m dealing with this issue isn’t working. I need to work on my thoughts, my energy and my actions. That’s what I contend with. That’s what clanked around my brain at 1am when all of a sudden, I was awake with no signs of falling back to sleep. I sat on my bed with my journal and started to write. I turned on the television to CBC and lo and behold, Café Ole was on. The supportive universe poking me to see if I remembered that there was a line in the movie that was so apt back in 2000 or 2001 and it was going to be again if I was going to wait to hear it.
The character writes it in a letter to the lady he’d been playing the piano for on Tuesdays, Wednesdays and Fridays for $5 each session. I’d forgotten that she had said a part of it first, which was what propelled him. And instead of Malcolm Kaye, the character playing piano, the lady now has Sal there (a character who Malcolm also helped). Because when we leave, people always find someone else to take our place, and I need to remember that. She asks Sal to read the letter again and in it Malcolm writes, “I am not going to be there to play the piano for you anymore because I am tired of being a prisoner of expectations.” And she smiles because she was a prisoner of expectations and missed out on what could have been her one true love.
And when I heard it I didn’t cry this time but I nodded my head. Yep, I’ve changed some but I still have some work to do. And because I know the universe is supportive, I just need to get my thoughts and actions and energy in line and constantly ask myself, what do I want? If I believe that I am taken for granted, I will constantly be faced with opportunities where I am taken for granted. And people are so seductive in their guilt trippy I depend on you speeches but when I leave they always find a replacement. It’s worth repeating.
It was only supposed to be for a short time, in my childhood home, when all this began. It was so the step sisters would be comfortable and would know that they were welcome. Somehow there was always an excuse to maintain the status quo. And I never rebelled as all of us must, at some point, in order to grow up.
So I step into this full-fledged realization with a little bit of rebellion and an awareness that I need to do what’s good for me (which I’ve gotten better at). That there will always be an excuse, a justification to keep me a prisoner and I just don’t look good in prison stripes.
EY
30 April 2008
Quiet Time
Wednesday 5:34am 30Apr08
It's hard to take quiet time for myself. I always think that there is something better that I should be doing, like writing or cleaning the apartment or having more of a social life or something, anything. But as I move into the second or third week of this I'm seeing the definite benefits.
I'm finding a peace within that I don't think I've ever had before. Heck, I know I never had it. The biggest change I notice is that when I get ticked off I don't seem to hold on to it for hours on end. I have my moment and then move on just as quickly. I've started this growl that makes my co worker laugh to no end. Whenever I get on a good rant and catch myself doing it, I stop the rant and growl like a dog. Ado and I have named it doing the growl since he too has started doing the same thing when he gets into a particularly strong rant. Apparently he's got his wife doing it too now. Too cute!
But back to the anger. I used to set myself up with getting pissed off about something and thinking or naming it as a bad day. "Oh this is going to be a GREAT day!" I'd say, with that attitude. Now I recognize that it isn't the day, it's just a moment and they all pass. Call it and move on. Talk show host, one of the guys I work with, likes to push people's buttons to the extent where they get so worked up they can't let go. He used to pull that shit on me and although I'm happy to say that it's been about a year since I cured that, I still get to watch him do that with the others. But my major amusement with him is when he tries to check and see if he can catch me with it and I show him once again that no, I'm cured!
With my biweekly Shiastsu treatments I keep listening to what my aching body is telling me. I can't keep going the way I was going without being in constant pain. My body keeps telling me that even though I feel young at heart my age is creeping up there and I just can't sit for 12 hours at a time without a break, working myself to the max. I've got to get wiser with how I focus my energies. If I hold my stubbornness in my neck then what the heck else do I hold in my body? Where do I hold my anger and frustrations? I read somewhere that arthritis is frustration. Don't know if it's true but it's definitely something to think about.
The last several years with the changes I've made about the type of people I allow into my life, I realize that I was teaching myself to say no. Ah the lovely word NO! So many women don't know how to say no. I've learned how to say no to those guilt trippy requests that people will put on you. I've learned how to say no to people who want to monopolize my attention but don't want to reciprocate with the listening part. I've learned how to say no to all sorts of stuff and yes to my sanity. It's amazing that there is still something else to work on. But with the creeping age, I'm getting more comfortable with that too. As long as we're alive, there's something to work on and it's good to be alive, right?
I've been listening to Cheryl Richardson's, "Create an Abundant Life" CD from my Simply Audio Book monthly rental. One of the things she says is, "A high quality life has a lot more to do with what you remove from your life than what you add to it."
Hmm, somehow it motivated me to go through my kitchen and purge the clutter. Why does one person need 50 coffee mugs? Yikes! It's not like I'll ever have 49 guests. If leaving the country is a possibility for me, I need to get rid of a lot of stuff. But in the meantime, if I want to make room for the good that life has to offer, it's time to get rid of all the stuff that I've been holding on to that I haven't touched in years and takes up a whole lot of space. Boy oh boy, those bags of garbage and recycling and stuff left for others to pick through added some serious breathing space in my kitchen. I've got more to do in the rest of the apartment and I'm actually looking forward to it. For the first time in at least a couple years, I can see the surface of my kitchen table. Not that I ever eat in the kitchen but I could now. What a concept.
It's funny how having a lot of stuff always seemed like such a great thing and now I'm getting how it's just bogging me down. Once I get through all the papers and things I figure I'll have the guts to go through my massive collection of books and let go of the ones I know I'll never read again. And at the very least, reorganize them. One step away from a life of pack rat insanity.
EY
It's hard to take quiet time for myself. I always think that there is something better that I should be doing, like writing or cleaning the apartment or having more of a social life or something, anything. But as I move into the second or third week of this I'm seeing the definite benefits.
I'm finding a peace within that I don't think I've ever had before. Heck, I know I never had it. The biggest change I notice is that when I get ticked off I don't seem to hold on to it for hours on end. I have my moment and then move on just as quickly. I've started this growl that makes my co worker laugh to no end. Whenever I get on a good rant and catch myself doing it, I stop the rant and growl like a dog. Ado and I have named it doing the growl since he too has started doing the same thing when he gets into a particularly strong rant. Apparently he's got his wife doing it too now. Too cute!
But back to the anger. I used to set myself up with getting pissed off about something and thinking or naming it as a bad day. "Oh this is going to be a GREAT day!" I'd say, with that attitude. Now I recognize that it isn't the day, it's just a moment and they all pass. Call it and move on. Talk show host, one of the guys I work with, likes to push people's buttons to the extent where they get so worked up they can't let go. He used to pull that shit on me and although I'm happy to say that it's been about a year since I cured that, I still get to watch him do that with the others. But my major amusement with him is when he tries to check and see if he can catch me with it and I show him once again that no, I'm cured!
With my biweekly Shiastsu treatments I keep listening to what my aching body is telling me. I can't keep going the way I was going without being in constant pain. My body keeps telling me that even though I feel young at heart my age is creeping up there and I just can't sit for 12 hours at a time without a break, working myself to the max. I've got to get wiser with how I focus my energies. If I hold my stubbornness in my neck then what the heck else do I hold in my body? Where do I hold my anger and frustrations? I read somewhere that arthritis is frustration. Don't know if it's true but it's definitely something to think about.
The last several years with the changes I've made about the type of people I allow into my life, I realize that I was teaching myself to say no. Ah the lovely word NO! So many women don't know how to say no. I've learned how to say no to those guilt trippy requests that people will put on you. I've learned how to say no to people who want to monopolize my attention but don't want to reciprocate with the listening part. I've learned how to say no to all sorts of stuff and yes to my sanity. It's amazing that there is still something else to work on. But with the creeping age, I'm getting more comfortable with that too. As long as we're alive, there's something to work on and it's good to be alive, right?
I've been listening to Cheryl Richardson's, "Create an Abundant Life" CD from my Simply Audio Book monthly rental. One of the things she says is, "A high quality life has a lot more to do with what you remove from your life than what you add to it."
Hmm, somehow it motivated me to go through my kitchen and purge the clutter. Why does one person need 50 coffee mugs? Yikes! It's not like I'll ever have 49 guests. If leaving the country is a possibility for me, I need to get rid of a lot of stuff. But in the meantime, if I want to make room for the good that life has to offer, it's time to get rid of all the stuff that I've been holding on to that I haven't touched in years and takes up a whole lot of space. Boy oh boy, those bags of garbage and recycling and stuff left for others to pick through added some serious breathing space in my kitchen. I've got more to do in the rest of the apartment and I'm actually looking forward to it. For the first time in at least a couple years, I can see the surface of my kitchen table. Not that I ever eat in the kitchen but I could now. What a concept.
It's funny how having a lot of stuff always seemed like such a great thing and now I'm getting how it's just bogging me down. Once I get through all the papers and things I figure I'll have the guts to go through my massive collection of books and let go of the ones I know I'll never read again. And at the very least, reorganize them. One step away from a life of pack rat insanity.
EY
29 April 2008
Sprinkling of Inspiration
Tuesday 6:30am 29Apr08
Another month comes to an end and with each day I find a little inspiration sprinkling into my existence.
I'm constantly thinking about my next move, what is it going to be? I'm keeping some of my crazy ideas to myself because as often is the case, when I say what's on my mind, I get a lot of reasons why something can't work out by the naysayers. I get it though. I remember when Lolo decided that she was going to go to Korea to teach. My initial feelings were, shit what am I going to do without her? But what I said to her instead was, You loved teaching in Japan. This may be your calling. I realize when someone makes a big decision for their life that the last thing they need is my fears or my selfishness playing into their decisions. They carry enough fears of their own.
Sometimes people are just brainstorming ideas, which is what I'm currently doing. Sometimes people aren't going to follow through. And sometimes people are ready for a big change. We can't let the thought of our loss play into someone else's decision making. I'm just saying. It's been a year and Lolo just got back sometime yesterday. Her next adventure may be Taiwan or somewhere else equally as far away. When she makes her next trip, I will send her off with a big hug and a bunch of I'm going to miss you and I'll miss her everyday again but I'll be inspired that she is following her wanderlust and is making big decisions and she is living her life the way she needs to.
I came across an entry at the Writing Time yesterday about Al Kinspel. The inspiration for me was that he found love again at 79 years old. There is hope for me yet, apparently. ha ha! Click the title of this entry to read about him.
EY
Another month comes to an end and with each day I find a little inspiration sprinkling into my existence.
I'm constantly thinking about my next move, what is it going to be? I'm keeping some of my crazy ideas to myself because as often is the case, when I say what's on my mind, I get a lot of reasons why something can't work out by the naysayers. I get it though. I remember when Lolo decided that she was going to go to Korea to teach. My initial feelings were, shit what am I going to do without her? But what I said to her instead was, You loved teaching in Japan. This may be your calling. I realize when someone makes a big decision for their life that the last thing they need is my fears or my selfishness playing into their decisions. They carry enough fears of their own.
Sometimes people are just brainstorming ideas, which is what I'm currently doing. Sometimes people aren't going to follow through. And sometimes people are ready for a big change. We can't let the thought of our loss play into someone else's decision making. I'm just saying. It's been a year and Lolo just got back sometime yesterday. Her next adventure may be Taiwan or somewhere else equally as far away. When she makes her next trip, I will send her off with a big hug and a bunch of I'm going to miss you and I'll miss her everyday again but I'll be inspired that she is following her wanderlust and is making big decisions and she is living her life the way she needs to.
I came across an entry at the Writing Time yesterday about Al Kinspel. The inspiration for me was that he found love again at 79 years old. There is hope for me yet, apparently. ha ha! Click the title of this entry to read about him.
EY
24 April 2008
Meditations for Crisis
Thursday 24Apr08 6:15am
I've found these meditations helpful when I've been really mad or down or out of sorts. The one day I came home and did one right after the other in 3 minute intervals setting my cell phone timer for the three minutes and restarting everytime the alarm went off. Within a half hour, I felt amazing and filled with great energy and it lasted for a few days. There are a couple that I can't figure out how to do but it doesn't matter, there are more than enough that are easy to figure out.
EY
Meditations for These Times of Crisis
The following meditations were given to us by Yogi Bhajan many years ago.
These meditations were recommended to us by Guru Dev Singh subsequent to the September 11 events to assist us with maintaining our balance in these times of crisis.
Meditation to lead a stress-free existence.
It tonifies the heart and the digestive and elimination systems, and circulates prana to the nadies.
Sitting in easy pose, place the arms up at the sides at an angle of 60 degrees from the horizontal, with the palms facing up and inward. Elbows are straight. Shake the hands vigorously, allowing the arms, shoulders, body, and legs to shake along with them. Do this for 3 minutes.
Place the arms straight out in front, horizontal to the ground. Bend the wrists toward you, so that the Jupiter finger (index finger) points upward. The other fingers are curled under the thumb. Moving only the wrists, rotate the Jupiter fingers outward, then downward, then inward, then upward again. The right hand will have its Jupiter finger rotating clockwise around the wrist, and the left hand counter-clockwise. The arms remain straight and stationary. Try to keep the Jupiter finger in a vertical plane moving around the wrist. Do this for 3 minutes. Then inhale, hold and squeeze, and exhale, three time.
When you feel like you are in a hole.
Sitting in easy pose, hold your arms in front of your chest, forearms parallel to the ground. Place the right hand over the left, about 6 inches, pointing in opposite directions. Palms are facing downward. Move the hands in and out very rapidly. The right hand moves outward away from you as the left hand moves inward toward you. Then the left hand moves outward and the right hand inward.
Keep up this motion for 3 minutes.
Inhale deeply, hold, then exhale, 3 times.
Be aware of external events in a moment of crisis
Sit in easy pose with the elbows bent and the hands up at the level of the shoulders.
Extend the Jupiter (index) fingers up and lock the thumb over the other fingers.
Eyes at the tip of the nose.
Whisper the mantra: Aad Guray Nameh, Jugaad Guray Namay, Sat Guray Nameh, Siri Guru Dayvay Nameh. 11 Minutes
Translation: Guided from the primal core and beginning
Through every moment of experience and activity
Guided in your heart’s deepest truth and being
By the unseen Infinity of your highest self
For fear
Sit in easy pose and grasp the Sun (ring) finger of the left hand with all the fingers of the right hand. The thumb of the left hand goes under the right hand.
Chant Ra Ma Da Sa Sa Se So Hung. 3 Minutes
For grounding
Sit in easy pose with the hands in prayer pose.
Keeping the hands together inhale and raise the arms up straight. It is like the position for Sat Kriya.
Begin, as in Sat Kriya, chanting Sat Nam, pulling the navel with each repetition.
After three repetitions, slowly chant Wahe Guru as the hands are slowly brought down to the heart level against the body. Repeat this cycle.
Continue for 3 Min, increasing to 11 Minutes
To make you aware and to stimulate the brain
Sit in easy pose and place the hands behind the neck, interlocking the fingers.
Begin chanting “Har” from the navel point, pulling the elbows forward each time “Har” in chanted. 3 Minutes
This exercise stimulates the feeling of the the brain and makes you able to speak so people can hear you.
To become more aware
Sit in easy pose and bring the hands up in front of the body.
Cup the hands slightly and the begin clapping them together, one grasping the other.
Form the mouth into an “O” and exhale the moment your hands clap. 11 Minutes
Kriya To take away pain
A. Sit in easy pose with the left hand up as if taking an oath. Palm in facing forward. Stretch the right arm straight out in front with the palm down. Eyes are closed. Inhale through the nose and exhale with a cannon breath through a circled mouth. Move the right arm up and down powerfully 30-40 cm, two repetitions per second breathing in this way. 3 Minutes
B. Sitting in easy pose, reverse the hand positions. The breathing is the same. 3 Minutes
C. Still sitting in easy pose, bend the arm at the elbow and bring the hands up to the level of the shoulders with the palms facing up. Breathing pattern is the same. Hold the position. 3 Minutes
D. Sit in easy pose with the hands in front of the body, palms facing down. Begin striking the floor with the open palms chanting “Har” with each strike. 3 Minutes
Kriya for people in anxiety
A. Sit in easy pose with the hands in prayer pose in front of the chest. Then move the hands downward with fingers pointing away from the body and then back up again to the original position. This is a fast, shaking motion. Long deep breathing. 3 Minutes
B. Still sitting in easy pose, extend the arms forward, bending the arms at the elbow. Keep the elbows in close to the body, upper arms extend somewhat beyond the shoulder, palms are open and facing the body. Begin bringing the hands in toward the body and then back out again. The movement is about 12 inches. Form a circle with the mouth and breathe in and out rapidly through the mouth. 3 Minutes
C. This is the same as part A., only breathe rapidly in an out through the mouth as in B. 3 Minutes
I've found these meditations helpful when I've been really mad or down or out of sorts. The one day I came home and did one right after the other in 3 minute intervals setting my cell phone timer for the three minutes and restarting everytime the alarm went off. Within a half hour, I felt amazing and filled with great energy and it lasted for a few days. There are a couple that I can't figure out how to do but it doesn't matter, there are more than enough that are easy to figure out.
EY
Meditations for These Times of Crisis
The following meditations were given to us by Yogi Bhajan many years ago.
These meditations were recommended to us by Guru Dev Singh subsequent to the September 11 events to assist us with maintaining our balance in these times of crisis.
Meditation to lead a stress-free existence.
It tonifies the heart and the digestive and elimination systems, and circulates prana to the nadies.
Sitting in easy pose, place the arms up at the sides at an angle of 60 degrees from the horizontal, with the palms facing up and inward. Elbows are straight. Shake the hands vigorously, allowing the arms, shoulders, body, and legs to shake along with them. Do this for 3 minutes.
Place the arms straight out in front, horizontal to the ground. Bend the wrists toward you, so that the Jupiter finger (index finger) points upward. The other fingers are curled under the thumb. Moving only the wrists, rotate the Jupiter fingers outward, then downward, then inward, then upward again. The right hand will have its Jupiter finger rotating clockwise around the wrist, and the left hand counter-clockwise. The arms remain straight and stationary. Try to keep the Jupiter finger in a vertical plane moving around the wrist. Do this for 3 minutes. Then inhale, hold and squeeze, and exhale, three time.
When you feel like you are in a hole.
Sitting in easy pose, hold your arms in front of your chest, forearms parallel to the ground. Place the right hand over the left, about 6 inches, pointing in opposite directions. Palms are facing downward. Move the hands in and out very rapidly. The right hand moves outward away from you as the left hand moves inward toward you. Then the left hand moves outward and the right hand inward.
Keep up this motion for 3 minutes.
Inhale deeply, hold, then exhale, 3 times.
Be aware of external events in a moment of crisis
Sit in easy pose with the elbows bent and the hands up at the level of the shoulders.
Extend the Jupiter (index) fingers up and lock the thumb over the other fingers.
Eyes at the tip of the nose.
Whisper the mantra: Aad Guray Nameh, Jugaad Guray Namay, Sat Guray Nameh, Siri Guru Dayvay Nameh. 11 Minutes
Translation: Guided from the primal core and beginning
Through every moment of experience and activity
Guided in your heart’s deepest truth and being
By the unseen Infinity of your highest self
For fear
Sit in easy pose and grasp the Sun (ring) finger of the left hand with all the fingers of the right hand. The thumb of the left hand goes under the right hand.
Chant Ra Ma Da Sa Sa Se So Hung. 3 Minutes
For grounding
Sit in easy pose with the hands in prayer pose.
Keeping the hands together inhale and raise the arms up straight. It is like the position for Sat Kriya.
Begin, as in Sat Kriya, chanting Sat Nam, pulling the navel with each repetition.
After three repetitions, slowly chant Wahe Guru as the hands are slowly brought down to the heart level against the body. Repeat this cycle.
Continue for 3 Min, increasing to 11 Minutes
To make you aware and to stimulate the brain
Sit in easy pose and place the hands behind the neck, interlocking the fingers.
Begin chanting “Har” from the navel point, pulling the elbows forward each time “Har” in chanted. 3 Minutes
This exercise stimulates the feeling of the the brain and makes you able to speak so people can hear you.
To become more aware
Sit in easy pose and bring the hands up in front of the body.
Cup the hands slightly and the begin clapping them together, one grasping the other.
Form the mouth into an “O” and exhale the moment your hands clap. 11 Minutes
Kriya To take away pain
A. Sit in easy pose with the left hand up as if taking an oath. Palm in facing forward. Stretch the right arm straight out in front with the palm down. Eyes are closed. Inhale through the nose and exhale with a cannon breath through a circled mouth. Move the right arm up and down powerfully 30-40 cm, two repetitions per second breathing in this way. 3 Minutes
B. Sitting in easy pose, reverse the hand positions. The breathing is the same. 3 Minutes
C. Still sitting in easy pose, bend the arm at the elbow and bring the hands up to the level of the shoulders with the palms facing up. Breathing pattern is the same. Hold the position. 3 Minutes
D. Sit in easy pose with the hands in front of the body, palms facing down. Begin striking the floor with the open palms chanting “Har” with each strike. 3 Minutes
Kriya for people in anxiety
A. Sit in easy pose with the hands in prayer pose in front of the chest. Then move the hands downward with fingers pointing away from the body and then back up again to the original position. This is a fast, shaking motion. Long deep breathing. 3 Minutes
B. Still sitting in easy pose, extend the arms forward, bending the arms at the elbow. Keep the elbows in close to the body, upper arms extend somewhat beyond the shoulder, palms are open and facing the body. Begin bringing the hands in toward the body and then back out again. The movement is about 12 inches. Form a circle with the mouth and breathe in and out rapidly through the mouth. 3 Minutes
C. This is the same as part A., only breathe rapidly in an out through the mouth as in B. 3 Minutes
23 April 2008
Day of the Week
An interesting post by Beverlee the Astrologer on her site...
Here's an interesting astrological theory from Robert Camp that I have found to be both valid and effective. It's your personal planetary cycle, based on the concept that the day of the week on which you were born is always your personal Mercury Day. The next day is your personal Venus Day, followed by Mars, Jupiter, Saturn, Uranus and Neptune. See if you notice this pattern in your life. If you don't know the day of the week you were born, Click the title to be brought to Beverlee's site.
YOUR MERCURY DAY
This is usually a day when you are involved in a lot of communications. This could take the form of phone calls, letters, maybe some short car trips. Perhaps you'll interact more with family members on this day. Things tend to happen quickly, without a long-lasting effect. In other words, the day's effect will feel Mercurial.
YOUR VENUS DAY
This is the day of beautification; a time for indulging in luxuries or sensual pleasures. You may want to get a haircut, treat yourself to a massage, or buy something beautiful. You could enjoy a fine dinner, go to the theater, or read a good book. You may notice that on this day you have a special need to focus on relationship issues.
YOUR MARS DAY
This is likely to be either your day of passion or one of impatience and irritability with situations and people. Legal issues may come to the fore. You should have the necessary energy to get a lot accomplished on this day every week so it's a good time to begin a new project. Take care to avoid arguments, though, because you're likely to blame others for your own problems on this day.
YOUR JUPITER DAY
This is your money day! In general you'll probably experience a feeling of prosperity and abundance on this day. You could feel more expansive and come up with good ideas for how to have, do or be more than you have been before on some level. In fact, this could be one of the days of the week you enjoy the most.
YOUR SATURN DAY
You guessed it: time to get disciplined and put some order in your life. This should be easier to accomplish on this day since you're apt to want to be alone anyway. So keep a low profile, roll up your sleeves and tackle any thankless tasks that have accumulated. It's a good day to schedule a dentist or doctor's appointment, too, since Saturn rules the bones, teeth and other health-related matters.
YOUR URANUS DAY
Time to break out of your routine and experience some freedom. You should welcome the release if you've been diligent on your Saturn Day. You could come up with some creative new solutions for problem-solving today. Hang loose, though, because there just might be some sudden and unexpected Uranian event to deal with.
YOUR NEPTUNE DAY
Fantasy and escape time. A time for dreaming or daydreaming. Maybe you'll want to go to a movie or rent a video. Alcohol, music, meditation, a stroll along the beach -- any of these could play a role in your life today. And you may feel more spiritually "connected" to the Universe today so it's a wonderful time for learning about your own hidden dreams and desires.
Here's an interesting astrological theory from Robert Camp that I have found to be both valid and effective. It's your personal planetary cycle, based on the concept that the day of the week on which you were born is always your personal Mercury Day. The next day is your personal Venus Day, followed by Mars, Jupiter, Saturn, Uranus and Neptune. See if you notice this pattern in your life. If you don't know the day of the week you were born, Click the title to be brought to Beverlee's site.
YOUR MERCURY DAY
This is usually a day when you are involved in a lot of communications. This could take the form of phone calls, letters, maybe some short car trips. Perhaps you'll interact more with family members on this day. Things tend to happen quickly, without a long-lasting effect. In other words, the day's effect will feel Mercurial.
YOUR VENUS DAY
This is the day of beautification; a time for indulging in luxuries or sensual pleasures. You may want to get a haircut, treat yourself to a massage, or buy something beautiful. You could enjoy a fine dinner, go to the theater, or read a good book. You may notice that on this day you have a special need to focus on relationship issues.
YOUR MARS DAY
This is likely to be either your day of passion or one of impatience and irritability with situations and people. Legal issues may come to the fore. You should have the necessary energy to get a lot accomplished on this day every week so it's a good time to begin a new project. Take care to avoid arguments, though, because you're likely to blame others for your own problems on this day.
YOUR JUPITER DAY
This is your money day! In general you'll probably experience a feeling of prosperity and abundance on this day. You could feel more expansive and come up with good ideas for how to have, do or be more than you have been before on some level. In fact, this could be one of the days of the week you enjoy the most.
YOUR SATURN DAY
You guessed it: time to get disciplined and put some order in your life. This should be easier to accomplish on this day since you're apt to want to be alone anyway. So keep a low profile, roll up your sleeves and tackle any thankless tasks that have accumulated. It's a good day to schedule a dentist or doctor's appointment, too, since Saturn rules the bones, teeth and other health-related matters.
YOUR URANUS DAY
Time to break out of your routine and experience some freedom. You should welcome the release if you've been diligent on your Saturn Day. You could come up with some creative new solutions for problem-solving today. Hang loose, though, because there just might be some sudden and unexpected Uranian event to deal with.
YOUR NEPTUNE DAY
Fantasy and escape time. A time for dreaming or daydreaming. Maybe you'll want to go to a movie or rent a video. Alcohol, music, meditation, a stroll along the beach -- any of these could play a role in your life today. And you may feel more spiritually "connected" to the Universe today so it's a wonderful time for learning about your own hidden dreams and desires.
Law of Attraction
Wednesday 23Apr08 5:08am
I've started a daily practice of spending quiet reflective time before I go to bed. It's my deliberate creation time where I just lie in bed and think about what I want next, what I want to create. I've pulled out one of my favorite books, Creating Money by Sanaya Roman and Duane Packer. I read a few pages and then contemplate what I've read or find ways to apply it.
I like the Jerry and Esther Hicks Abraham material but find for me that the Sanaya Roman stuff really works. What I like about her work is that she makes you think about the essence of what you want and it gives you something to do to create the energy behind creating what you want.
Almost everything I've read mentions spending quiet, reflective time, aside from meditation, to think and listen and currently it feels like the time for me. Plus it gives me the excuse to lie in bed. ha ha! My bed bought during the pain of 2007 (spit on the ground everytime 2007 is mentioned) is the most comfortable bed I've ever slept in. And considering how much I love sleeping, imagine a world class sleeper sleeping in a comfortable bed. You too would look for opportunities to jump into it.
But I digress...
Last night I read this quote from Creating Money on page 10:
"On the earth plane you learn about manifesting in a linear, sequential way. You get to think about what you want, you get to rethink it, and you get to try it out. You can say, 'No, this isn't what I really wanted,' or 'Next time I think I'll ask for something different.' You have the opportunity to play with all the things you create. ...Practice becoming clear on your thoughts before they are manifested all about you."
I get to a good quote and stop reading the book and reflect on that quote. So as I fell asleep last night I went down with that quote. What I've also started doing is in the morning, when I wake up, I take about 15 minutes or so to listen and ease into getting up. In keeping with that quote, my thoughts were swirling over the things I've deliberately created in my life and the disappointments. I'm actually really good at creating what I want but the disappointments or the things that are missing have stopped me. I started to believe that somehow I was creating bad luck.
Hmm, I'll quote from this morning's journal entry, since I seemed to explain it better there:
I've had some fear behind creating and attracting because I know I'm really good at it but I feel that when I've gotten what I've wanted that there's been some big nightmare attached to it. For example, romantic heartbreak; the working for the life coach nightmare; group sales at OSC, relationship with chronically unavailable man... I've attached fear to deliberately creating because it feels like it fucks up.
But I realize that I need to adjust once I recognize that what I've attracted isn't quite up to par. Plus relax and know that I haven't failed.
... I name a bunch of things that I've created that have been excellent...
But as with everything I can't stop there. I need to then contemplate what's next to attract. As long as we're alive we KEEP attracting. And as we heal we attract healthier. So currently as I attract and as I see what is missing for me in it, I attract what else I want. I need to stop forcing a person or a job into being what's missing. Look at what I've attracted and adjust the list. Based on what I think is missing, write up what I want and live the essence. Things become stagnant because my attracting becomes stagnant.
Anyway, that's the journal entry and I'm feeling like it was a good epiphany for me to move forward. I was being a bit of a perfectionist and when my creations weren't perfect I was disillusioned. I think that's really important for people to recognize who are all wound into the law of attraction movement. I don't think that it's mentioned as clearly, or I've been stubbornly missing that part all this time. But somehow I think that it's not mentioned enough that as you create what you want and discover all these discrepancies (can't think of the right word, it is 5am) that you then zero in on those discrepancies and rethink them, or say, no this isn't what I wanted, or next time I'll ask for something different.
Or, I really love this part of it but I need more of this other stuff.
I was going to sign off by saying, Okay KY time! But I feel uncomfortable calling Kundalini Yoga KY because it makes me think of KY jelly. Okay I'm going to go lube myself now! ha ha
EY
I've started a daily practice of spending quiet reflective time before I go to bed. It's my deliberate creation time where I just lie in bed and think about what I want next, what I want to create. I've pulled out one of my favorite books, Creating Money by Sanaya Roman and Duane Packer. I read a few pages and then contemplate what I've read or find ways to apply it.
I like the Jerry and Esther Hicks Abraham material but find for me that the Sanaya Roman stuff really works. What I like about her work is that she makes you think about the essence of what you want and it gives you something to do to create the energy behind creating what you want.
Almost everything I've read mentions spending quiet, reflective time, aside from meditation, to think and listen and currently it feels like the time for me. Plus it gives me the excuse to lie in bed. ha ha! My bed bought during the pain of 2007 (spit on the ground everytime 2007 is mentioned) is the most comfortable bed I've ever slept in. And considering how much I love sleeping, imagine a world class sleeper sleeping in a comfortable bed. You too would look for opportunities to jump into it.
But I digress...
Last night I read this quote from Creating Money on page 10:
"On the earth plane you learn about manifesting in a linear, sequential way. You get to think about what you want, you get to rethink it, and you get to try it out. You can say, 'No, this isn't what I really wanted,' or 'Next time I think I'll ask for something different.' You have the opportunity to play with all the things you create. ...Practice becoming clear on your thoughts before they are manifested all about you."
I get to a good quote and stop reading the book and reflect on that quote. So as I fell asleep last night I went down with that quote. What I've also started doing is in the morning, when I wake up, I take about 15 minutes or so to listen and ease into getting up. In keeping with that quote, my thoughts were swirling over the things I've deliberately created in my life and the disappointments. I'm actually really good at creating what I want but the disappointments or the things that are missing have stopped me. I started to believe that somehow I was creating bad luck.
Hmm, I'll quote from this morning's journal entry, since I seemed to explain it better there:
I've had some fear behind creating and attracting because I know I'm really good at it but I feel that when I've gotten what I've wanted that there's been some big nightmare attached to it. For example, romantic heartbreak; the working for the life coach nightmare; group sales at OSC, relationship with chronically unavailable man... I've attached fear to deliberately creating because it feels like it fucks up.
But I realize that I need to adjust once I recognize that what I've attracted isn't quite up to par. Plus relax and know that I haven't failed.
... I name a bunch of things that I've created that have been excellent...
But as with everything I can't stop there. I need to then contemplate what's next to attract. As long as we're alive we KEEP attracting. And as we heal we attract healthier. So currently as I attract and as I see what is missing for me in it, I attract what else I want. I need to stop forcing a person or a job into being what's missing. Look at what I've attracted and adjust the list. Based on what I think is missing, write up what I want and live the essence. Things become stagnant because my attracting becomes stagnant.
Anyway, that's the journal entry and I'm feeling like it was a good epiphany for me to move forward. I was being a bit of a perfectionist and when my creations weren't perfect I was disillusioned. I think that's really important for people to recognize who are all wound into the law of attraction movement. I don't think that it's mentioned as clearly, or I've been stubbornly missing that part all this time. But somehow I think that it's not mentioned enough that as you create what you want and discover all these discrepancies (can't think of the right word, it is 5am) that you then zero in on those discrepancies and rethink them, or say, no this isn't what I wanted, or next time I'll ask for something different.
Or, I really love this part of it but I need more of this other stuff.
I was going to sign off by saying, Okay KY time! But I feel uncomfortable calling Kundalini Yoga KY because it makes me think of KY jelly. Okay I'm going to go lube myself now! ha ha
EY
22 April 2008
In a second
Tuesday 6:22am 22Apr08
I've been telling myself every day, "Your life can change in a second." Just trying to keep my head up and not get engrossed in the problems that can arise and bury me.
Your life can change in a second, as I drag my ass out of bed and start all that I like to do before I go to work.
Your life can change in a second, as I sit at work wishing for something different but not totally sure what that different is. It's hard to get specific when you can't figure out what you want to do next. Well I know what I want to do but I still need to pay the rent.
Your life can change in a second, as I pull out my mat and practice my Kundalini Yoga.
Over the last couple weekends, I've tried to relax. I'm always so full of what needs to be done that even on the weekends I'm doing some kind of work, writing, cleaning the house, getting groceries, doing laundry. The last two Saturdays in a row, I've listened to what I want for that moment and have basically napped a lot and listened to music and just relaxed without guilt.
Sunday night I was contemplating how to focus my efforts and build in more relaxation time. I logged into my email to send myself reminders to my work email and was surprised by a message saying that a friend of mine who I'd lost contact with had added me as a friend on Facebook. At first I thought it was another friend who I'm already friends with. Then it clicked into my brain that the last name was different and Holy shit, it's him!
We've since sent eachother a couple messages and in his first he asked, "Now that I've found you, when you coming for a visit?" He lives in and is from Australia. And so my life has changed in a second. I've been fantasizing about moving to Australia. And although that may not happen, it's opened me up again to all the possibilities that are available to me. The beauty about being a single person is that you can up and leave without a second thought. You can do some things that may appear to be crazy to others. That motivated me to face some issues that I need to clean up and I've since started the ball rolling in a big way to clean up those messes. Plus I've got something to save up for... a trip to Australia.
I've already researched where he lives and it's too funny. For years I always talked about moving to BC but that has since left my reality because it's more expensive than Toronto. Isn't where he lives in Australia like BC? When I came to Toronto 25 years ago, I only knew one person. So really, what's the difference of moving to Australia and only knowing one person?
EY
I've been telling myself every day, "Your life can change in a second." Just trying to keep my head up and not get engrossed in the problems that can arise and bury me.
Your life can change in a second, as I drag my ass out of bed and start all that I like to do before I go to work.
Your life can change in a second, as I sit at work wishing for something different but not totally sure what that different is. It's hard to get specific when you can't figure out what you want to do next. Well I know what I want to do but I still need to pay the rent.
Your life can change in a second, as I pull out my mat and practice my Kundalini Yoga.
Over the last couple weekends, I've tried to relax. I'm always so full of what needs to be done that even on the weekends I'm doing some kind of work, writing, cleaning the house, getting groceries, doing laundry. The last two Saturdays in a row, I've listened to what I want for that moment and have basically napped a lot and listened to music and just relaxed without guilt.
Sunday night I was contemplating how to focus my efforts and build in more relaxation time. I logged into my email to send myself reminders to my work email and was surprised by a message saying that a friend of mine who I'd lost contact with had added me as a friend on Facebook. At first I thought it was another friend who I'm already friends with. Then it clicked into my brain that the last name was different and Holy shit, it's him!
We've since sent eachother a couple messages and in his first he asked, "Now that I've found you, when you coming for a visit?" He lives in and is from Australia. And so my life has changed in a second. I've been fantasizing about moving to Australia. And although that may not happen, it's opened me up again to all the possibilities that are available to me. The beauty about being a single person is that you can up and leave without a second thought. You can do some things that may appear to be crazy to others. That motivated me to face some issues that I need to clean up and I've since started the ball rolling in a big way to clean up those messes. Plus I've got something to save up for... a trip to Australia.
I've already researched where he lives and it's too funny. For years I always talked about moving to BC but that has since left my reality because it's more expensive than Toronto. Isn't where he lives in Australia like BC? When I came to Toronto 25 years ago, I only knew one person. So really, what's the difference of moving to Australia and only knowing one person?
EY
19 April 2008
Growth?
Saturday 19Apr08 4pm
I've been moving slow and trying to listen within for the next steps. I'm learning to be more patient with the process and reminding myself of some of the things I have learned over the years.
The main learning that I've been focused on is that I can't make any major decisions when I'm angry. Especially when it's an explosive anger, which it was about a month ago. In my explosive anger if I make a major decision it will be to shut down the shop and get the fuck out of dodge. But as I calm down and take the time to think I realize that I need to be practical and line up my bowling pins and get the focus needed to knock them all down with the one ball.
It isn't an easy thing to do. Our society is notorious for instant gratification and boy oh boy as my sister in law used to say, "God grant me patience but I want it right now!"
I'm realizing that I need to take more silent time. That I don't need the things that help me to avoid what I'm feeling like television or alcohol. In fact, since I've started doing Kundalini Yoga, I've noticed that when I think of buying beer on the way home from work I talk myself out of it. I haven't gone to the bar for a month. My internal voice reminds me that alcohol and heightened emotions cause people to do really stupid things, and who needs that? And the crap that we call television shows offer no real inspiration and help us to picture stupidity and violence and all sorts of negativity that we can't help but to attract more of it in our lives.
So I pull a boatload of books off my bookshelves. I read beginnings of books or flip through books or pile books on my desk for future use. I'm a little restless but I know it's part of the process. I either sleep too much or wake up after an hour or two of sleep and can't get back to sleep. My dreams are vivid and a tad weird and sometimes disturbing. Well, only one disturbing dream! I finally realized yesterday that if I can't sleep, I need to listen within and hear what it is that I need to hear.
One of the things I'm hearing within myself is about my stubbornness. Two days after my explosive anger I woke up with the sore neck and shoulders. I immediately made a Shiatsu appointment and as I was on the table and Julian was working on my neck I said without thinking about it, "all my stubbornness is in my neck." I was stunned about that in that , 'who said that?' way. After the treatment (getting beat up, as I jokingly told Julian) I wrote in my journal, 'my stubbornness is in my neck. What am I being stubborn about?' I still haven't written about it in my journal but it hovers in my mind as I go through each day.
I can of course be stubborn about my anger. Rehash my thoughts about a situation so I can't move forward nor forgive. So as it sits now I'm in full fledged coping mode. I walk with the protective shield around me. Which means that I share with limited people. I'm personable but keep most issues at arm's length. I'm in deep thinking, trying to make meaning of some of the issues that continue to pop up in my life. Stuff as far back as my childhood.
I face the jealousies. The first jealousy that I can remember was from my step sister who is also a Pisces. As children, I didn't get that to her, I had moved into her space. She was the oldest daughter and she had her father. When I came around, I became the oldest daughter and I had her father. Of course because she never lived with us, she didn't know the hell that was my daily life. She didn't witness her father's violence or demands or full out fuckery. When she and her sister came over for weekends and weeks at a time in the summers, the unspoken rule was that everything had to be perfect for my step dad's daughters. If he and my mother seemed like they were going to have an argument, he would drive his daughters back to their mother's house, then drive back for the argument. I never understood my step sister's need to compete with me especially since I felt no need to compete with her. But of course when you think that I am living some charmed life you're going to be bitter when you think it should be your charmed life.
Those type of jealousies have been popping up with me and although it is laughable, it really is quite disturbing and disheartening. What I notice is how some people are focused on keeping track of what I receive as if it's so much more than what they are receiving. The laughable part is that these people live in big houses, go on expensive vacations, have materialistic things and they are somehow jealous of me where it borders on a form of insanity. Seriously? When have I been on a fucking cruise? EVER!
I'm contemplating the childhood jealousy and the fake reality that my step sister was fed. And I'm contemplating the adult jealousies. I try to look for ways to reconcile all that is swirling around in my mind. What in the world does anyone have to be jealous about where I am concerned? Except for that small fact that happiness is free. You don't have to have material things in order to be happy. You don't have to go on cruises or backpack through Europe or hang out in some $80,000 a day room in Dubai to be happy. You can just choose to be happy for the simplest reasons. And that may be the rub. It took me three weeks to get rid of the all consuming anger that was raging within me and ultimately the only answer that keeps popping into my sometimes stubborn brain is to be happy despite the bullshit. Keep practicing Kundalini Yoga cuz it makes me feel good and calms me inside. hmm! And keep going for those Shiatsu treatments that take me out of my head and bring me back into my body.
EY
I've been moving slow and trying to listen within for the next steps. I'm learning to be more patient with the process and reminding myself of some of the things I have learned over the years.
The main learning that I've been focused on is that I can't make any major decisions when I'm angry. Especially when it's an explosive anger, which it was about a month ago. In my explosive anger if I make a major decision it will be to shut down the shop and get the fuck out of dodge. But as I calm down and take the time to think I realize that I need to be practical and line up my bowling pins and get the focus needed to knock them all down with the one ball.
It isn't an easy thing to do. Our society is notorious for instant gratification and boy oh boy as my sister in law used to say, "God grant me patience but I want it right now!"
I'm realizing that I need to take more silent time. That I don't need the things that help me to avoid what I'm feeling like television or alcohol. In fact, since I've started doing Kundalini Yoga, I've noticed that when I think of buying beer on the way home from work I talk myself out of it. I haven't gone to the bar for a month. My internal voice reminds me that alcohol and heightened emotions cause people to do really stupid things, and who needs that? And the crap that we call television shows offer no real inspiration and help us to picture stupidity and violence and all sorts of negativity that we can't help but to attract more of it in our lives.
So I pull a boatload of books off my bookshelves. I read beginnings of books or flip through books or pile books on my desk for future use. I'm a little restless but I know it's part of the process. I either sleep too much or wake up after an hour or two of sleep and can't get back to sleep. My dreams are vivid and a tad weird and sometimes disturbing. Well, only one disturbing dream! I finally realized yesterday that if I can't sleep, I need to listen within and hear what it is that I need to hear.
One of the things I'm hearing within myself is about my stubbornness. Two days after my explosive anger I woke up with the sore neck and shoulders. I immediately made a Shiatsu appointment and as I was on the table and Julian was working on my neck I said without thinking about it, "all my stubbornness is in my neck." I was stunned about that in that , 'who said that?' way. After the treatment (getting beat up, as I jokingly told Julian) I wrote in my journal, 'my stubbornness is in my neck. What am I being stubborn about?' I still haven't written about it in my journal but it hovers in my mind as I go through each day.
I can of course be stubborn about my anger. Rehash my thoughts about a situation so I can't move forward nor forgive. So as it sits now I'm in full fledged coping mode. I walk with the protective shield around me. Which means that I share with limited people. I'm personable but keep most issues at arm's length. I'm in deep thinking, trying to make meaning of some of the issues that continue to pop up in my life. Stuff as far back as my childhood.
I face the jealousies. The first jealousy that I can remember was from my step sister who is also a Pisces. As children, I didn't get that to her, I had moved into her space. She was the oldest daughter and she had her father. When I came around, I became the oldest daughter and I had her father. Of course because she never lived with us, she didn't know the hell that was my daily life. She didn't witness her father's violence or demands or full out fuckery. When she and her sister came over for weekends and weeks at a time in the summers, the unspoken rule was that everything had to be perfect for my step dad's daughters. If he and my mother seemed like they were going to have an argument, he would drive his daughters back to their mother's house, then drive back for the argument. I never understood my step sister's need to compete with me especially since I felt no need to compete with her. But of course when you think that I am living some charmed life you're going to be bitter when you think it should be your charmed life.
Those type of jealousies have been popping up with me and although it is laughable, it really is quite disturbing and disheartening. What I notice is how some people are focused on keeping track of what I receive as if it's so much more than what they are receiving. The laughable part is that these people live in big houses, go on expensive vacations, have materialistic things and they are somehow jealous of me where it borders on a form of insanity. Seriously? When have I been on a fucking cruise? EVER!
I'm contemplating the childhood jealousy and the fake reality that my step sister was fed. And I'm contemplating the adult jealousies. I try to look for ways to reconcile all that is swirling around in my mind. What in the world does anyone have to be jealous about where I am concerned? Except for that small fact that happiness is free. You don't have to have material things in order to be happy. You don't have to go on cruises or backpack through Europe or hang out in some $80,000 a day room in Dubai to be happy. You can just choose to be happy for the simplest reasons. And that may be the rub. It took me three weeks to get rid of the all consuming anger that was raging within me and ultimately the only answer that keeps popping into my sometimes stubborn brain is to be happy despite the bullshit. Keep practicing Kundalini Yoga cuz it makes me feel good and calms me inside. hmm! And keep going for those Shiatsu treatments that take me out of my head and bring me back into my body.
EY
08 March 2008
Practice
Saturday 8March08 12:26pm
Some of the pieces I have added to my daily practice include which began on my writing retreat:
Rumi Wakeup - I got this from Wayne Dyer's book Inspiration, Your Ultimate Calling (one of my favorite books). He discusses that time in the early morning when you wake up (between 3am and 4am) and you don't have to get up. The thing is to actually get up. It's based on a Rumi poem that says something along the lines of, "The morning breeze has something to tell you, don't go back to sleep." I'm not always religious about it because I love sleeping but eventually I will be. I love the 4am hour for its peacefulness. I do stream of consciousness writing and record my dreams from the night before.
I do the Adi Mantra from Kundalini Yoga - Ong Na Mo Guru Dev Namo. Which means I bow to the Creator, to the Divine teacher within. From that I move into my stretches and a Kundalini Yoga set and another chant. I'm slowly starting to add 15 minutes of silence, that I want to do twice a day before I write. It's kind of hard to sit silent for 15 minutes straight but I'll get it. As Quincy Jones would say, "It's ragged but I'll get it."
I've been doing a couple of writing exercises to get the words flowing. One is from 30 Ways to Help You Write by Fran Weber Shaw, which I used to do years and years ago. You write "Now I'm Sitting Here and..." at the top of the page, then relax all the muscles in your body and listen to the sounds. Then you write nonstop for two or three pages and stop. That was how I used to do all of my writing, so needless to say, I'm getting back to beginner's mind as Natalie Goldberg so aptly calls it.
And another exercise that I got from a writing newsletter where you write down three random words like 'pimps, women, black music' and with those words write a scene for my novel. You basically come up with three words for 15 scenes of your novel and write each scene starting the first sentence with one of those words and including the other two words in the first paragraph. I guess it gets your mind away from thinking about how to start. It's crazy but it works.
I also write a series of affirmations in my steno from an article I read on manifestation in Mind Power News, an email newsletter that I receive. I'll look for the article and post it. Basically it's 4 affirmations: 1- What I am doing now (some goal that I want to realize) 2- How I support myself in realizing that goal 3- The good feelings I have for realizing that goal and 4- A Thank You to the Universe or God.
And overall, I'm enjoying the abundance I already have in my life. I have books galore and enough inspirational CD's and meditation tapes and CD's to cure all of Toronto. Ha Ha! So I'm making it a point to listen to and enjoy what I have. I belong to the Spiritual Cinema so I have all these great movies and short films. I'm building a DVD collection because my breakfast buddy buys me DVD's for birthdays and Christmas. And Music? Well anyone who knows me knows I have an insane amount of music, what with working at Sam's years ago and having that itunes addiction and importing anyone's music collection that I can. And I also belong to Simply Audio so I have a decent amount of audio books. If I didn't leave my house for a year I still wouldn't make it through all the stuff I have. And with my comfy bed? Praise God I am blessed!
I'll see if I can find the manifestation article...
EY
Some of the pieces I have added to my daily practice include which began on my writing retreat:
Rumi Wakeup - I got this from Wayne Dyer's book Inspiration, Your Ultimate Calling (one of my favorite books). He discusses that time in the early morning when you wake up (between 3am and 4am) and you don't have to get up. The thing is to actually get up. It's based on a Rumi poem that says something along the lines of, "The morning breeze has something to tell you, don't go back to sleep." I'm not always religious about it because I love sleeping but eventually I will be. I love the 4am hour for its peacefulness. I do stream of consciousness writing and record my dreams from the night before.
I do the Adi Mantra from Kundalini Yoga - Ong Na Mo Guru Dev Namo. Which means I bow to the Creator, to the Divine teacher within. From that I move into my stretches and a Kundalini Yoga set and another chant. I'm slowly starting to add 15 minutes of silence, that I want to do twice a day before I write. It's kind of hard to sit silent for 15 minutes straight but I'll get it. As Quincy Jones would say, "It's ragged but I'll get it."
I've been doing a couple of writing exercises to get the words flowing. One is from 30 Ways to Help You Write by Fran Weber Shaw, which I used to do years and years ago. You write "Now I'm Sitting Here and..." at the top of the page, then relax all the muscles in your body and listen to the sounds. Then you write nonstop for two or three pages and stop. That was how I used to do all of my writing, so needless to say, I'm getting back to beginner's mind as Natalie Goldberg so aptly calls it.
And another exercise that I got from a writing newsletter where you write down three random words like 'pimps, women, black music' and with those words write a scene for my novel. You basically come up with three words for 15 scenes of your novel and write each scene starting the first sentence with one of those words and including the other two words in the first paragraph. I guess it gets your mind away from thinking about how to start. It's crazy but it works.
I also write a series of affirmations in my steno from an article I read on manifestation in Mind Power News, an email newsletter that I receive. I'll look for the article and post it. Basically it's 4 affirmations: 1- What I am doing now (some goal that I want to realize) 2- How I support myself in realizing that goal 3- The good feelings I have for realizing that goal and 4- A Thank You to the Universe or God.
And overall, I'm enjoying the abundance I already have in my life. I have books galore and enough inspirational CD's and meditation tapes and CD's to cure all of Toronto. Ha Ha! So I'm making it a point to listen to and enjoy what I have. I belong to the Spiritual Cinema so I have all these great movies and short films. I'm building a DVD collection because my breakfast buddy buys me DVD's for birthdays and Christmas. And Music? Well anyone who knows me knows I have an insane amount of music, what with working at Sam's years ago and having that itunes addiction and importing anyone's music collection that I can. And I also belong to Simply Audio so I have a decent amount of audio books. If I didn't leave my house for a year I still wouldn't make it through all the stuff I have. And with my comfy bed? Praise God I am blessed!
I'll see if I can find the manifestation article...
EY
Building Momentum
8March08 Saturday 11:46am
It's another snowy day in Toronto. I can't believe how much snow we've had this year. Most people are complaining but I don't really have much to complain about. I really do enjoy when we have distinct seasons. It always bodes well for the Summer. You have to live through the dark in order to enjoy the light, or something like that.
I am finally feeling like I'm living in more light and less dark, which is always a good thing. And the best part is that I'm feeling grateful for the light. So snow schmoe, no worries!
I made it past another birthday. I wasn't sure how that was going to pan out since the money is still funny from the big pain of 2007. I had no ideas what to do for my birthday and I was contemplating letting it pass by unmentioned. My friend frogs legs had the brilliant idea to go to Southern Accent for eats and a psychic reading on Feb 29th, the day before my birthday (otherwise known as my alternate birthday). It was six women and a very cute, flirty server and lots of laughs. My girlfriend Jojo provided most of the entertainment regaling us with her stories. It was great being in the company of all strong minded women. And the psychic reading was stellar! That never hurts. Plus what she said fell in line with my goals for my personal 2008, which began on March 1st. The night was ended with a few hours of Karoake, the Carpenters (Thanks frogs legs), much laughter and a promise to do that shit again!
On the Wednesday before my birthday, I had the brainwave to extend my weekend and turn it into a writing retreat in my apartment. That I could afford. I used to do them periodically but with the big pain of 2007 and all the other dramas it sort of fell by the way side and then some. All of a sudden I was super excited about my birthday. I worked on my itinerary (writing, meditations, juices and healthy foods, inspirational CD's, and mild workouts like stretching and Kundalini Yoga). It was a fantastic weekend which helped me to ground myself, get back in touch with my novel in progress and make a commitment to the practice of Kundalini Yoga. After several years of following/reading Guru Rattana's New Millenium Being and doing some of the chants she recommends in it and really feeling the benefits of it, I found that it was time to make it my daily practice.
My three day weekend was a perfect way to build momentum for my goals and get away from the chatter. I didn't watch television, no telephone and no internet (although I did go on Facebook a couple times to check out the birthday wishes, but it was mere moments.) On the Monday, I went to the book store and bought Kundalini Yoga, The Flow Of Eternal Power by Shakti Parwha Kaur Khalsa as taught by Yogi Bhajan. And I went on to itunes to buy various versions of the mantras that I wanted to practice. I burned a couple CD's of the mantras. I've been sleeping during the week with the main CD on and find that I have calmer, more peaceful sleeps and I feel more able to deal with the frustrations that come up at work and in life. So it's all good.
My next thing to save up for is the offerings at Guru Rattana's website www.yogatech.com. She has packages with DVD's and books that I would sure love to order. I've been finding that the exercises (sets) that I've been doing each day have been relieving my arthritic feet which is a huge bonus. And my writing focus has been great.
Life is always going to have it's elements of frustrations, I figure, but it's sure nice to have a practice that helps me to cope without sabotaging relationships or being a total shut in.
EY
It's another snowy day in Toronto. I can't believe how much snow we've had this year. Most people are complaining but I don't really have much to complain about. I really do enjoy when we have distinct seasons. It always bodes well for the Summer. You have to live through the dark in order to enjoy the light, or something like that.
I am finally feeling like I'm living in more light and less dark, which is always a good thing. And the best part is that I'm feeling grateful for the light. So snow schmoe, no worries!
I made it past another birthday. I wasn't sure how that was going to pan out since the money is still funny from the big pain of 2007. I had no ideas what to do for my birthday and I was contemplating letting it pass by unmentioned. My friend frogs legs had the brilliant idea to go to Southern Accent for eats and a psychic reading on Feb 29th, the day before my birthday (otherwise known as my alternate birthday). It was six women and a very cute, flirty server and lots of laughs. My girlfriend Jojo provided most of the entertainment regaling us with her stories. It was great being in the company of all strong minded women. And the psychic reading was stellar! That never hurts. Plus what she said fell in line with my goals for my personal 2008, which began on March 1st. The night was ended with a few hours of Karoake, the Carpenters (Thanks frogs legs), much laughter and a promise to do that shit again!
On the Wednesday before my birthday, I had the brainwave to extend my weekend and turn it into a writing retreat in my apartment. That I could afford. I used to do them periodically but with the big pain of 2007 and all the other dramas it sort of fell by the way side and then some. All of a sudden I was super excited about my birthday. I worked on my itinerary (writing, meditations, juices and healthy foods, inspirational CD's, and mild workouts like stretching and Kundalini Yoga). It was a fantastic weekend which helped me to ground myself, get back in touch with my novel in progress and make a commitment to the practice of Kundalini Yoga. After several years of following/reading Guru Rattana's New Millenium Being and doing some of the chants she recommends in it and really feeling the benefits of it, I found that it was time to make it my daily practice.
My three day weekend was a perfect way to build momentum for my goals and get away from the chatter. I didn't watch television, no telephone and no internet (although I did go on Facebook a couple times to check out the birthday wishes, but it was mere moments.) On the Monday, I went to the book store and bought Kundalini Yoga, The Flow Of Eternal Power by Shakti Parwha Kaur Khalsa as taught by Yogi Bhajan. And I went on to itunes to buy various versions of the mantras that I wanted to practice. I burned a couple CD's of the mantras. I've been sleeping during the week with the main CD on and find that I have calmer, more peaceful sleeps and I feel more able to deal with the frustrations that come up at work and in life. So it's all good.
My next thing to save up for is the offerings at Guru Rattana's website www.yogatech.com. She has packages with DVD's and books that I would sure love to order. I've been finding that the exercises (sets) that I've been doing each day have been relieving my arthritic feet which is a huge bonus. And my writing focus has been great.
Life is always going to have it's elements of frustrations, I figure, but it's sure nice to have a practice that helps me to cope without sabotaging relationships or being a total shut in.
EY
28 January 2008
Power Struggles
Monday 28Jan08 7pm
As I walked home today and was thinking about my blog entry as a way to shove off the aggravation of work, my mind flit back to the power struggle of July 2007 and how both my friend Jojo and I felt that it triggered my debilitating pain that laid me up for a few months. I wondered if it is time to think about my next direction. Seems the power struggle has resurfaced and ofcourse Mercury is Retrograde and Pluto has moved in Capricorn, will flit back to Sagittarius for a minute and will stay in Capricorn for something like 15 years. I sat up last night reading about it in The Mountain Astrologer and it scared the pants off me.
What I can remember without going back to the magazine was stuff like governmental control, things going to more of a Conservative leaning (heavy conservative), issues with the way that people are managed. Slavery in the US started when Pluto was in Capricorn. Dictatorships and fascism had their best heydays when Pluto was in Capricorn. blah blah blah. Stuff about New World Order. Serious tensions and rebellions. Scary shit! Let's hope Obama gets elected as President and let's double hope we get rid of Stephen Harper, but he's here now and our Liberal leader isn't Gerrard Kennedy.
In a smaller way, I've felt the change at work with the new regime. I've said a couple of times, it's like they are trying to say that we are a team and then pulling dictatorship tactics. It calmed for a while because my boss spoke up but slowly it's been seeping in once again. I've told my boss that when he ultimately leaves, I'd like to go with him but who knows what can happen. The powers that be already have a chosen person for the position I would take. Or my boss decides to go another route himself. So somehow I know that I need to stop allowing my mind to live in it and I need to let my mind create what I want. There are a number of things that call me, like animals and art and independence and and. I haven't quite found a way to go live in the woods like a present day Grizzly Adams with high speed internet yet. ha ha Oh yes and enough ground to have some sort of animal sanctuary, a cat retirement home, maybe my dream man can be a Vet!
I haven't a clue what I was going to say! ha ha!
EY
As I walked home today and was thinking about my blog entry as a way to shove off the aggravation of work, my mind flit back to the power struggle of July 2007 and how both my friend Jojo and I felt that it triggered my debilitating pain that laid me up for a few months. I wondered if it is time to think about my next direction. Seems the power struggle has resurfaced and ofcourse Mercury is Retrograde and Pluto has moved in Capricorn, will flit back to Sagittarius for a minute and will stay in Capricorn for something like 15 years. I sat up last night reading about it in The Mountain Astrologer and it scared the pants off me.
What I can remember without going back to the magazine was stuff like governmental control, things going to more of a Conservative leaning (heavy conservative), issues with the way that people are managed. Slavery in the US started when Pluto was in Capricorn. Dictatorships and fascism had their best heydays when Pluto was in Capricorn. blah blah blah. Stuff about New World Order. Serious tensions and rebellions. Scary shit! Let's hope Obama gets elected as President and let's double hope we get rid of Stephen Harper, but he's here now and our Liberal leader isn't Gerrard Kennedy.
In a smaller way, I've felt the change at work with the new regime. I've said a couple of times, it's like they are trying to say that we are a team and then pulling dictatorship tactics. It calmed for a while because my boss spoke up but slowly it's been seeping in once again. I've told my boss that when he ultimately leaves, I'd like to go with him but who knows what can happen. The powers that be already have a chosen person for the position I would take. Or my boss decides to go another route himself. So somehow I know that I need to stop allowing my mind to live in it and I need to let my mind create what I want. There are a number of things that call me, like animals and art and independence and and. I haven't quite found a way to go live in the woods like a present day Grizzly Adams with high speed internet yet. ha ha Oh yes and enough ground to have some sort of animal sanctuary, a cat retirement home, maybe my dream man can be a Vet!
I haven't a clue what I was going to say! ha ha!
EY
Aquarian Stuff
Monday 6pm 28Jan08
I'm always waiting for the latest New Millenium Being when the sign changes because I'm always interested in what to look at during that particular sign. Guru Rattana doesn't always get them out as soon as I would hope and I've since started to go back through her past issues for that particular sign to see what I can glean from them. There is always general stuff that you can focus on without necessarily knowing what planets are retrograde or direct and so forth. Other things remain the same, like the full moon is always in the opposite sign (Jan 22nd was in Leo) and the New Moon is always in the current sign.
So today I was reading on the past issues for Aquarius since that's what sign we are in. Happy Birthday Lolo!
I had a little chuckle when I read that my issues with unsolicited advice actually runs high in an Aquarian month and specifically the Leo Full Moon.
A quote from the New Millennium Being Number 81, Feb 3, 2004 issue says: "We are often challenged by our tribe mates, who are not happy with our behavior and disagree with our decisions. They openly or covertly pressure us to conform, rather than evolve. These growth periods breed inner conflict. Instinctively we fear exile, censorship and punishment for daring to have our own voice. The possibility of rejection makes us anxious. At the same time, your soul's need to be your own boss uncovers feelings of rebellion. In our hearts we know we will feel better when we allow more of true nature to be expressed and emerge and develop our individual approach to life and living."
"Those with an Aquarius Sun, Moon, Ascendant or multiple planets in Aquarius or the 11th house are innately rebellious and independent and have a visceral aversion to tribal dictates." Didn't I check my chart and didn't I find 4 or 5 planets in the 11th house? Interesting!
Some notes I've gleaned from the NMB's from 2004 to 2007 are as follows:
Leo Full Moon (the effects can be as long as a month)
- we can't suppress our creative urges without negative consequences. The real satisfaction comes when our creations uplift, entertain or support others.
- to grow we have to change. We break through our ego barriers (Leo) and take a giant step toward setting ourselves free (Aquarius).
- clarify our priorities, claim our power, recognize the disparities between our dreams and our reality and evaluate where we want to go next.
- Our soul has a chosen set of circumstances and personal qualities this lifetime. We can't change them. The first prerequisite for a happy life is to accept who we are. This makes it possible to more fully explore the possibilities where we are at choice and to embrace our gifts and challenges.
Aquarius New Moon
- lofty ideas need to be grounded in practical plans and realistic schedules for their implementation
- focus on chage, progress, transformation, evolution and our highest ideals. The Aquarian mission is to heal the wounds of alienation, isloation, inequality and injustice.
- What is your unique and vital role? What is your next step to more actively contribute to planetary healing?
Aquarius and his mentor Uranus
- represent our curiousity, our need to respond to new challenges and mental stimuli, our personal hopes, dreams, wishes, and our altruistic ideals for humanity.
- listen to our intuition
- We meet our destiny when we are called upon to do what we didn't think we could do and what we have never done before.
- What have I been dreaming of doing? Where have I not given myself the space to expand and enrich my life by making excuses or being afraid to change?
- We need to ask ourselves what we need. Perhaps (1) Time out from our routines to detach or use our creative energy for other productive endeavors. (2) A chance to view our life and the world through another set of lenses, where we can gain a clear, objective and more encompassing perspective. (3) An opening to evaluate relationships, habits, beliefs, our job circumstances that determine what we are doing with our life.
- the need to tak a new direction. The more we accept and deal positively with change, the less we suffer health problems. We have to become conscious and move out of denial whether we want to or not. Resisting change and holding on to the past can lead to accidents. If we are not willing, we are awakened against our will. Listen to and follow our internal guidance.
In the 2006 New Millenium Being Guru Rattana offers a physical exercise for grounding and containing your spiritual energy during Aquarius.
In the 2004 NMB, Number 81 she offers a simple meditation. In Number 82, a Self Love Meditation. And in NMB 115 she offers a bunch of goodies as well.
You can either subscribe to her monthly newletters or scroll down and click on a back issue at: http://www.yogatech.com/nmb/ (as always click the title of this entry to go to the website.)
EY
I'm always waiting for the latest New Millenium Being when the sign changes because I'm always interested in what to look at during that particular sign. Guru Rattana doesn't always get them out as soon as I would hope and I've since started to go back through her past issues for that particular sign to see what I can glean from them. There is always general stuff that you can focus on without necessarily knowing what planets are retrograde or direct and so forth. Other things remain the same, like the full moon is always in the opposite sign (Jan 22nd was in Leo) and the New Moon is always in the current sign.
So today I was reading on the past issues for Aquarius since that's what sign we are in. Happy Birthday Lolo!
I had a little chuckle when I read that my issues with unsolicited advice actually runs high in an Aquarian month and specifically the Leo Full Moon.
A quote from the New Millennium Being Number 81, Feb 3, 2004 issue says: "We are often challenged by our tribe mates, who are not happy with our behavior and disagree with our decisions. They openly or covertly pressure us to conform, rather than evolve. These growth periods breed inner conflict. Instinctively we fear exile, censorship and punishment for daring to have our own voice. The possibility of rejection makes us anxious. At the same time, your soul's need to be your own boss uncovers feelings of rebellion. In our hearts we know we will feel better when we allow more of true nature to be expressed and emerge and develop our individual approach to life and living."
"Those with an Aquarius Sun, Moon, Ascendant or multiple planets in Aquarius or the 11th house are innately rebellious and independent and have a visceral aversion to tribal dictates." Didn't I check my chart and didn't I find 4 or 5 planets in the 11th house? Interesting!
Some notes I've gleaned from the NMB's from 2004 to 2007 are as follows:
Leo Full Moon (the effects can be as long as a month)
- we can't suppress our creative urges without negative consequences. The real satisfaction comes when our creations uplift, entertain or support others.
- to grow we have to change. We break through our ego barriers (Leo) and take a giant step toward setting ourselves free (Aquarius).
- clarify our priorities, claim our power, recognize the disparities between our dreams and our reality and evaluate where we want to go next.
- Our soul has a chosen set of circumstances and personal qualities this lifetime. We can't change them. The first prerequisite for a happy life is to accept who we are. This makes it possible to more fully explore the possibilities where we are at choice and to embrace our gifts and challenges.
Aquarius New Moon
- lofty ideas need to be grounded in practical plans and realistic schedules for their implementation
- focus on chage, progress, transformation, evolution and our highest ideals. The Aquarian mission is to heal the wounds of alienation, isloation, inequality and injustice.
- What is your unique and vital role? What is your next step to more actively contribute to planetary healing?
Aquarius and his mentor Uranus
- represent our curiousity, our need to respond to new challenges and mental stimuli, our personal hopes, dreams, wishes, and our altruistic ideals for humanity.
- listen to our intuition
- We meet our destiny when we are called upon to do what we didn't think we could do and what we have never done before.
- What have I been dreaming of doing? Where have I not given myself the space to expand and enrich my life by making excuses or being afraid to change?
- We need to ask ourselves what we need. Perhaps (1) Time out from our routines to detach or use our creative energy for other productive endeavors. (2) A chance to view our life and the world through another set of lenses, where we can gain a clear, objective and more encompassing perspective. (3) An opening to evaluate relationships, habits, beliefs, our job circumstances that determine what we are doing with our life.
- the need to tak a new direction. The more we accept and deal positively with change, the less we suffer health problems. We have to become conscious and move out of denial whether we want to or not. Resisting change and holding on to the past can lead to accidents. If we are not willing, we are awakened against our will. Listen to and follow our internal guidance.
In the 2006 New Millenium Being Guru Rattana offers a physical exercise for grounding and containing your spiritual energy during Aquarius.
In the 2004 NMB, Number 81 she offers a simple meditation. In Number 82, a Self Love Meditation. And in NMB 115 she offers a bunch of goodies as well.
You can either subscribe to her monthly newletters or scroll down and click on a back issue at: http://www.yogatech.com/nmb/ (as always click the title of this entry to go to the website.)
EY
27 January 2008
Unsolicited Advice
Sunday 27Jan08 12:33pm
Have I mentioned that I'm not a fan of unsolicited advice? It drives me crazy. I get that most times people mean well when they announce how they think you should (big should) live your life. What drives me crazy about it the most is that when I respond with some comment as to why that's nice information but this is what I'm doing with my life, the person refuses to 'hear' what I am saying.
Out at the bar about a week ago, one of the women asked me if they'd end up in my novel. I laughed and said, "No, maybe in ten years! You need to have distance from something in order to make it true fiction."
I didn't think anythng more about it. Because, although I have fun at the bar, it's not really something I'll ever write about. But in all situations people always ask if they'll end up in my novel so I try to have a nice answer. What I really want to say is that it's not that interesting to end up in a novel but instead say maybe in ten years because people feel that you think they are more interesting than they are.
This week, my dream buddy says, " I know you say that you wait ten years before you write about something but I THINK you should write about it now. You can't remember everything and it's important to record things to remember them."
I tell him, "That was just an arbitrary number, 10 years. I journal what inspires me or what stands out in my mind but my fiction isn't me just taking what's happened and fictionalizing it. My fiction is fiction. Plus I have enough novel ideas to keep me busy for twenty years."
"Well, you should write things down to keep yourself up with ideas... blah blah blah."
"Okay buddy, you are not listening to me." And he got that, "I'm right" expression on his face as those unsolicited self proclaimed guru's get because I am too stubborn to realize that they know what's right for me.
I just have to say, because it needs to be said, When you're life is perfect maybe then you can tell me what you think I should be doing in my life and how I should do it. When you're life is perfect, I'll ask you specific questions about your area of expertise. It's always what I love to say, "You don't ask a poor person for advice on how to get rich, because clearly he doesn't know how to get rich. And you don't ask someone whose life isn't working how to go after your dreams. I'm just saying.
I find myself saying to so many people when they insist their advice on me, "I didn't ask!" But it generally falls on deaf ears.
Now I'm not saying that I don't ever listen to anyone. But there are those people who think they know me and people who really do know me. I know the people who know me by what they say to me. They are the people who listen, ask questions and suggest rather than insist. There are people that I ask, "what's your opinion on this?"
On the flip side, it's so nice to have people in my life that get me. My girlfriend who mentioned that my returning to blogging made her sigh with relief. Not once had she ever said, when I wasn't blogging, "You know if you start blogging you'll get out of your 2007 funk." My girlfriend who kept pushing me to come out when I was in pain because she knew that even if I got out for an hour, I would know that I wasn't going through it alone. She didn't tell me I should get out, she just tried to push to it. If I told her to stop she would have but deep inside I knew she was right and I was impressed that she knew how to get me out without giving me advice.
I've been trying to, as I've read somewhere, to just smile and say thanks for sharing with the self proclaimed guru's of my life. But I find what happens is they think it's an opening for more, "this is what you should be doing rants."
I look for areas in my life where I may be doing the same thing, but I'm so mindful of how annoying it is to act like you know everything that I honestly don't believe I do it to people. I'll say, "this is what I've done, when I've been in that situation," but I never say, "you should do this." Who the heck am I to say to anyone, "you should do this?"
Who is anybody to say that? What if there is a path that we are meant to follow? What if we are supposed to struggle at some things, procrastinate at others, excel at some, and just plain try all the wrong avenues before we find our proper place? What if every moment of our lives, is our proper place?
Even with deaths, I'm starting to look at them from a different perspective. I never say any more that some one has died prematurely. What if the death isn't premature? What if their purpose was to have a short life? There is nothing more inspiring to get us to live our lives fully than the example of some one dying young. A person's life is an example to someone to live more, or try more.
I don't know. I've never claimed to have the answers. I just have things that I want to work on overcoming or handling. And being given unsolicited advice is a biggie. If I'm going to make an effort to maintain more relationships with people who don't necessarily get me, I have to, for myself, look at ways to accept that from people without feeling all knotted up about it.
I receive a boatload of emails from different newsletters around the world on working on my stuff. It interests me. I don't always read all the emails but on some days one of the subjects will catch my eye and I'll read the email. I've been receiving emails from Byron Katie for over a year and only read an email just recently. I clicked on to her website and listened/watched her you tube video on what she teaches called, "The Work."
It's interesting work. Especially when I found out that she had also suffered from depression for a number of years and got herself out of it by changing her thinking. As is You Tube's way, after you watch one video, it offers similar videos and I came upon one from Janaka or is it Janaki? I'll have to check again.
It was a goodie! It was ofcourse about how we all want to help others and feel that we know what is best for them. And how about we choose to believe that they are doing the right things for themselves and ultimately that we are doing what is right for ourselves. The link to that video is : http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lhO0UDwfza4
Click the title to be forewarded to it. Interesting work, The Work.
EY
Have I mentioned that I'm not a fan of unsolicited advice? It drives me crazy. I get that most times people mean well when they announce how they think you should (big should) live your life. What drives me crazy about it the most is that when I respond with some comment as to why that's nice information but this is what I'm doing with my life, the person refuses to 'hear' what I am saying.
Out at the bar about a week ago, one of the women asked me if they'd end up in my novel. I laughed and said, "No, maybe in ten years! You need to have distance from something in order to make it true fiction."
I didn't think anythng more about it. Because, although I have fun at the bar, it's not really something I'll ever write about. But in all situations people always ask if they'll end up in my novel so I try to have a nice answer. What I really want to say is that it's not that interesting to end up in a novel but instead say maybe in ten years because people feel that you think they are more interesting than they are.
This week, my dream buddy says, " I know you say that you wait ten years before you write about something but I THINK you should write about it now. You can't remember everything and it's important to record things to remember them."
I tell him, "That was just an arbitrary number, 10 years. I journal what inspires me or what stands out in my mind but my fiction isn't me just taking what's happened and fictionalizing it. My fiction is fiction. Plus I have enough novel ideas to keep me busy for twenty years."
"Well, you should write things down to keep yourself up with ideas... blah blah blah."
"Okay buddy, you are not listening to me." And he got that, "I'm right" expression on his face as those unsolicited self proclaimed guru's get because I am too stubborn to realize that they know what's right for me.
I just have to say, because it needs to be said, When you're life is perfect maybe then you can tell me what you think I should be doing in my life and how I should do it. When you're life is perfect, I'll ask you specific questions about your area of expertise. It's always what I love to say, "You don't ask a poor person for advice on how to get rich, because clearly he doesn't know how to get rich. And you don't ask someone whose life isn't working how to go after your dreams. I'm just saying.
I find myself saying to so many people when they insist their advice on me, "I didn't ask!" But it generally falls on deaf ears.
Now I'm not saying that I don't ever listen to anyone. But there are those people who think they know me and people who really do know me. I know the people who know me by what they say to me. They are the people who listen, ask questions and suggest rather than insist. There are people that I ask, "what's your opinion on this?"
On the flip side, it's so nice to have people in my life that get me. My girlfriend who mentioned that my returning to blogging made her sigh with relief. Not once had she ever said, when I wasn't blogging, "You know if you start blogging you'll get out of your 2007 funk." My girlfriend who kept pushing me to come out when I was in pain because she knew that even if I got out for an hour, I would know that I wasn't going through it alone. She didn't tell me I should get out, she just tried to push to it. If I told her to stop she would have but deep inside I knew she was right and I was impressed that she knew how to get me out without giving me advice.
I've been trying to, as I've read somewhere, to just smile and say thanks for sharing with the self proclaimed guru's of my life. But I find what happens is they think it's an opening for more, "this is what you should be doing rants."
I look for areas in my life where I may be doing the same thing, but I'm so mindful of how annoying it is to act like you know everything that I honestly don't believe I do it to people. I'll say, "this is what I've done, when I've been in that situation," but I never say, "you should do this." Who the heck am I to say to anyone, "you should do this?"
Who is anybody to say that? What if there is a path that we are meant to follow? What if we are supposed to struggle at some things, procrastinate at others, excel at some, and just plain try all the wrong avenues before we find our proper place? What if every moment of our lives, is our proper place?
Even with deaths, I'm starting to look at them from a different perspective. I never say any more that some one has died prematurely. What if the death isn't premature? What if their purpose was to have a short life? There is nothing more inspiring to get us to live our lives fully than the example of some one dying young. A person's life is an example to someone to live more, or try more.
I don't know. I've never claimed to have the answers. I just have things that I want to work on overcoming or handling. And being given unsolicited advice is a biggie. If I'm going to make an effort to maintain more relationships with people who don't necessarily get me, I have to, for myself, look at ways to accept that from people without feeling all knotted up about it.
I receive a boatload of emails from different newsletters around the world on working on my stuff. It interests me. I don't always read all the emails but on some days one of the subjects will catch my eye and I'll read the email. I've been receiving emails from Byron Katie for over a year and only read an email just recently. I clicked on to her website and listened/watched her you tube video on what she teaches called, "The Work."
It's interesting work. Especially when I found out that she had also suffered from depression for a number of years and got herself out of it by changing her thinking. As is You Tube's way, after you watch one video, it offers similar videos and I came upon one from Janaka or is it Janaki? I'll have to check again.
It was a goodie! It was ofcourse about how we all want to help others and feel that we know what is best for them. And how about we choose to believe that they are doing the right things for themselves and ultimately that we are doing what is right for ourselves. The link to that video is : http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lhO0UDwfza4
Click the title to be forewarded to it. Interesting work, The Work.
EY
22 January 2008
Mercury Retrograde
Oh joy, it's that time again. Mercury goes retrograde on January 28th! I've been having computer problems at work since the last one, I think! ha ha! I hope that's the only thing that drives me crazy, although that is supposed to be fixed tomorrow.
I started Lolo's birthday gift before the retrograde but won't be sending it anytime soon, since it will probably get lost in the mail on the way to South Korea, or it will be sent back because she'll be in Thailand!
I haven't been feeling the communication issues early that I normally feel, so hopefuly... hopefully.
Of course, as is my lot, any man that shows an interest in me seems to be on the cusp of Mercury Retrograding. So, the good thing is that I will be forced to slow things way down before I make any type of decision. Allthough that dark hair and those dark eyes (my weakness) make it very difficult for me to keep away or even an arm's length.
Anyhow, from Astrology Zone's Susan Miller, I paste her definition of what you should and shouldn't do:
"At several points throughout the year most of us will be bombarded with the maddening effects of Mercury in retrograde. Mercury is a planet which governs all transportation and communication issues. Mercury is not an emotional planet, but rather a highly objective, truth-seeking one. It rules intelligence, education and truth. When it is in retrograde, some of its power is held back.
When Mercury starts turning in an apparent backward motion, we will start to feel the effects of this event days or even as far as two weeks earlier. When the planet normalizes we will see the tempo of events pick up in our lives as the planet becomes "stationary" and then speeds forward.
Gemini and Virgo are signs ruled by Mercury, so if you are one of those born during those months, you will be complaining especially loudly. If you work in the industries ruled by this planet such as sales, writing, public relations, advertising, publishing, air freight, the post office or express mail, any transportation industry, from the airlines to Amtrak, you'll also be especially vulnerable to this planet's weird motions in September. (If you are a Gemini, for example, who works in publishing, it's no use calling in for a month of mental health days--you can't escape!)
What happens when Mercury retrogrades? You miss appointments, your computer equipment crashes, checks get lost, you find the car you just purchased during Mercury retrograde is a lemon. (Or, you hate your haircut, the lamp you bought shorts out, your sister hates her birthday gift.) There will be countless delays, cancellations and postponements--but know these will benefit you in the long run. Don't fight them, although your frustration level and feeling of restlessness will be hard to cope with at times.
All machinery and things with moving parts--such as computers, VCRs, camera equipment, garbage disposals, and so forth, will reveal any weak links now. It is critical that you back up your data system and be more careful and vigilant than ever. Projects will demand more time and money than anticipated this month.
In matters of the heart, if your boyfriend or girlfriend breaks up with you or says something hurtful, take a wait-and-see attitude. Since Mercury rules speech, they may not mean what you think they are saying now. Let them have some space, and wait to see if they mean in October what they said in September.
When traveling, leave early and allow for extra travel time. Have all bags double-taped closed, count your belongings, double-check addresses and reconfirm appointments. Things get lost when Mercury messes us up. Take NOTHING for granted. The sector of your chart that Mercury happens to be skating through will be effected most dramatically, so check your forecast!
Why would the Universe give us Mercury retrograde? Because to move forward it is sometimes necessary to backtrack and reconfigure our paths in life. It is important to reconsider, repair, reflect, and reconnect. Mercury forces us to slow down and fix what's broken, and in so doing, rethink things. It also gives us time to get to projects we have put on the back-burner.
Some activities are lucky or actually improve when Mercury retrogrades. You are likely to bump into old friends that you haven't seen in years. Adopted children tend to find their birth parents during Mercury retrograde periods, or people locate their long lost siblings. Prosecutors often find clues to crimes that had previously remained unsolved for years. (Although sometimes the reverse is true--there is a greater danger, or example, that police can bungle evidence during a Mercury retrograde period, for clear thinking doesn't come easy for any of us then.) Mail that went astray weeks or even years ago shows up during Mercury retrograde. Some things that were lost reappear.
Now is also a good time to dress old wounds, clean up relationships or to simply bury the hatchet. Some people have great breakthroughs in psychotherapy during a Mercury retrograde period. For salesman, it is a positive time to backtrack over previous contacts rather than call on new ones. It is a perfect time to schedule work on projects that you haven't had time to do and you've let pile up. Bring your resume or portfolio up to date, and clean out your closets. Take time to paint the house. Clear your decks.
Just try not to start new things. If you have to start a job during a Mercury retrograde period know that the nature of the job is likely to change dramatically over time. Perhaps the person you report to will leave, or your responsibilities will be very different from what you thought they would be. Or your company won't be ready to take you on, and you won't have much to do until things are reorganized. But remember, if this was a position that you tried for in the past, then you've got the vibes working for you rather than against you."
EY
I started Lolo's birthday gift before the retrograde but won't be sending it anytime soon, since it will probably get lost in the mail on the way to South Korea, or it will be sent back because she'll be in Thailand!
I haven't been feeling the communication issues early that I normally feel, so hopefuly... hopefully.
Of course, as is my lot, any man that shows an interest in me seems to be on the cusp of Mercury Retrograding. So, the good thing is that I will be forced to slow things way down before I make any type of decision. Allthough that dark hair and those dark eyes (my weakness) make it very difficult for me to keep away or even an arm's length.
Anyhow, from Astrology Zone's Susan Miller, I paste her definition of what you should and shouldn't do:
"At several points throughout the year most of us will be bombarded with the maddening effects of Mercury in retrograde. Mercury is a planet which governs all transportation and communication issues. Mercury is not an emotional planet, but rather a highly objective, truth-seeking one. It rules intelligence, education and truth. When it is in retrograde, some of its power is held back.
When Mercury starts turning in an apparent backward motion, we will start to feel the effects of this event days or even as far as two weeks earlier. When the planet normalizes we will see the tempo of events pick up in our lives as the planet becomes "stationary" and then speeds forward.
Gemini and Virgo are signs ruled by Mercury, so if you are one of those born during those months, you will be complaining especially loudly. If you work in the industries ruled by this planet such as sales, writing, public relations, advertising, publishing, air freight, the post office or express mail, any transportation industry, from the airlines to Amtrak, you'll also be especially vulnerable to this planet's weird motions in September. (If you are a Gemini, for example, who works in publishing, it's no use calling in for a month of mental health days--you can't escape!)
What happens when Mercury retrogrades? You miss appointments, your computer equipment crashes, checks get lost, you find the car you just purchased during Mercury retrograde is a lemon. (Or, you hate your haircut, the lamp you bought shorts out, your sister hates her birthday gift.) There will be countless delays, cancellations and postponements--but know these will benefit you in the long run. Don't fight them, although your frustration level and feeling of restlessness will be hard to cope with at times.
All machinery and things with moving parts--such as computers, VCRs, camera equipment, garbage disposals, and so forth, will reveal any weak links now. It is critical that you back up your data system and be more careful and vigilant than ever. Projects will demand more time and money than anticipated this month.
In matters of the heart, if your boyfriend or girlfriend breaks up with you or says something hurtful, take a wait-and-see attitude. Since Mercury rules speech, they may not mean what you think they are saying now. Let them have some space, and wait to see if they mean in October what they said in September.
When traveling, leave early and allow for extra travel time. Have all bags double-taped closed, count your belongings, double-check addresses and reconfirm appointments. Things get lost when Mercury messes us up. Take NOTHING for granted. The sector of your chart that Mercury happens to be skating through will be effected most dramatically, so check your forecast!
Why would the Universe give us Mercury retrograde? Because to move forward it is sometimes necessary to backtrack and reconfigure our paths in life. It is important to reconsider, repair, reflect, and reconnect. Mercury forces us to slow down and fix what's broken, and in so doing, rethink things. It also gives us time to get to projects we have put on the back-burner.
Some activities are lucky or actually improve when Mercury retrogrades. You are likely to bump into old friends that you haven't seen in years. Adopted children tend to find their birth parents during Mercury retrograde periods, or people locate their long lost siblings. Prosecutors often find clues to crimes that had previously remained unsolved for years. (Although sometimes the reverse is true--there is a greater danger, or example, that police can bungle evidence during a Mercury retrograde period, for clear thinking doesn't come easy for any of us then.) Mail that went astray weeks or even years ago shows up during Mercury retrograde. Some things that were lost reappear.
Now is also a good time to dress old wounds, clean up relationships or to simply bury the hatchet. Some people have great breakthroughs in psychotherapy during a Mercury retrograde period. For salesman, it is a positive time to backtrack over previous contacts rather than call on new ones. It is a perfect time to schedule work on projects that you haven't had time to do and you've let pile up. Bring your resume or portfolio up to date, and clean out your closets. Take time to paint the house. Clear your decks.
Just try not to start new things. If you have to start a job during a Mercury retrograde period know that the nature of the job is likely to change dramatically over time. Perhaps the person you report to will leave, or your responsibilities will be very different from what you thought they would be. Or your company won't be ready to take you on, and you won't have much to do until things are reorganized. But remember, if this was a position that you tried for in the past, then you've got the vibes working for you rather than against you."
EY
20 January 2008
Podcasts - My New Addiction
Sunday 20Jan08 12:31pm
I inadvertently caught on to Podcasts by watching Creflo Dollar's message. I sometimes go looking for his show on television first thing in the morning simply to start the day with something positive in my mind. At the end of one show I noticed that he had podcasts available through Itunes.
"Hmm, I should check that out then I won't have to flip around on the television trying to find his show."
Don't I go to the podcast section and find out that, 1) Podcasts are free! and 2) There is a boatload of them!
Jumpin' Jehosephat! Ha ha! So I proceeded to download way too many podcasts of all types and now I need to actually listen to them.
The one I am currently listening to is " A New Love Movement." In the episode, he is listing off the 50 Life Lessons/ Rules.
I post the rules and the link to the blog (click the title) for anyone who is interested...
EY
http://community.livejournal.com/a_love_movement/
50 Life Lessons/Rules
The following is by Regina Brett The Plain Dealer, Cleveland, Ohio
1. Life isn't fair, but it's still good.
2. When in doubt, just take the next small step.
3. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone.
4. Don't take yourself so seriously. No one else does.
5. Pay off your credit cards every month.
6. You don't have to win every argument. Agree to disagree.
7. Cry with someone. It's more healing than crying alone.
8. It's OK to get angry with God. He can take it.
9. Save for retirement starting with your first paycheck.
10. When it comes to chocolate, resistance is futile.
11. Make peace with your past so it won't screw up the present.
12. It's OK to let your children see you cry.
13. Don't compare your life to others'. You have no idea what their
journey is all about.
14. If a relationship has to be a secret, you shouldn't be in it.
15. Everything can change in the blink of an eye. But don't worry; God
never blinks.
16. Life is too short for long pity parties. Get busy living, or get
busy dying.
17. You can get through anything if you stay put in today.
18. A writer writes. If you want to be a writer, write.
19. It's never too late to have a happy childhood. But the second one
is up to you and no one else.
20. When it comes to going after what you love in life, don't take no
for an answer.
21 Burn the candles, use the nice sheets, wear the fancy lingerie.
Don't save it for a special occasion. Today is special.
22. Over-prepare, then go with the flow.
23. Be eccentric now. Don't wait for old age to wear purple.
24. The most important sex organ is the brain.
25. No one is in charge of your happiness except you.
26. Frame every so-called disaster with these words: "In five years,
will this matter?"
27. Always choose life, not suicide.
28. Forgive everyone everything.
29. What other people think of you is none of your business.
30. Time heals almost everything. Give time time.
31. However good or bad a situation is, it will change.
32. Your job won't take care of you when you are sick. Your friends
will. Stay in touch.
33. BELIEVE IN MIRACLES.
34 God loves you because of who God is, not because of anything you did
or didn't do.
35. Whatever doesn't kill you really does make you stronger.
36. Growing old beats th e alternative -- dying young.
37. Your children get only one childhood. Make it memorable.
38. Read the Psalms. They cover every human emotion.
39. Get outside every day. Miracles are waiting everywhere.
40. If we all threw our problems in a pile and saw everyone else's,
we'd grab ours back.
41. Don't audit life. Show up and make the most of it now.
42. Get rid of anything that isn't useful, beautiful or joyful.
43. All that truly matters in the end is that you loved.
44. Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need.
45. The best is yet to come.
46 No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up.
47. Take a deep breath. It calms the mind.
48. If you don't ask, you don't get.
49. Yield.
50. Life isn't tied with a bow, but it's still a gift.
I inadvertently caught on to Podcasts by watching Creflo Dollar's message. I sometimes go looking for his show on television first thing in the morning simply to start the day with something positive in my mind. At the end of one show I noticed that he had podcasts available through Itunes.
"Hmm, I should check that out then I won't have to flip around on the television trying to find his show."
Don't I go to the podcast section and find out that, 1) Podcasts are free! and 2) There is a boatload of them!
Jumpin' Jehosephat! Ha ha! So I proceeded to download way too many podcasts of all types and now I need to actually listen to them.
The one I am currently listening to is " A New Love Movement." In the episode, he is listing off the 50 Life Lessons/ Rules.
I post the rules and the link to the blog (click the title) for anyone who is interested...
EY
http://community.livejournal.com/a_love_movement/
50 Life Lessons/Rules
The following is by Regina Brett The Plain Dealer, Cleveland, Ohio
1. Life isn't fair, but it's still good.
2. When in doubt, just take the next small step.
3. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone.
4. Don't take yourself so seriously. No one else does.
5. Pay off your credit cards every month.
6. You don't have to win every argument. Agree to disagree.
7. Cry with someone. It's more healing than crying alone.
8. It's OK to get angry with God. He can take it.
9. Save for retirement starting with your first paycheck.
10. When it comes to chocolate, resistance is futile.
11. Make peace with your past so it won't screw up the present.
12. It's OK to let your children see you cry.
13. Don't compare your life to others'. You have no idea what their
journey is all about.
14. If a relationship has to be a secret, you shouldn't be in it.
15. Everything can change in the blink of an eye. But don't worry; God
never blinks.
16. Life is too short for long pity parties. Get busy living, or get
busy dying.
17. You can get through anything if you stay put in today.
18. A writer writes. If you want to be a writer, write.
19. It's never too late to have a happy childhood. But the second one
is up to you and no one else.
20. When it comes to going after what you love in life, don't take no
for an answer.
21 Burn the candles, use the nice sheets, wear the fancy lingerie.
Don't save it for a special occasion. Today is special.
22. Over-prepare, then go with the flow.
23. Be eccentric now. Don't wait for old age to wear purple.
24. The most important sex organ is the brain.
25. No one is in charge of your happiness except you.
26. Frame every so-called disaster with these words: "In five years,
will this matter?"
27. Always choose life, not suicide.
28. Forgive everyone everything.
29. What other people think of you is none of your business.
30. Time heals almost everything. Give time time.
31. However good or bad a situation is, it will change.
32. Your job won't take care of you when you are sick. Your friends
will. Stay in touch.
33. BELIEVE IN MIRACLES.
34 God loves you because of who God is, not because of anything you did
or didn't do.
35. Whatever doesn't kill you really does make you stronger.
36. Growing old beats th e alternative -- dying young.
37. Your children get only one childhood. Make it memorable.
38. Read the Psalms. They cover every human emotion.
39. Get outside every day. Miracles are waiting everywhere.
40. If we all threw our problems in a pile and saw everyone else's,
we'd grab ours back.
41. Don't audit life. Show up and make the most of it now.
42. Get rid of anything that isn't useful, beautiful or joyful.
43. All that truly matters in the end is that you loved.
44. Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need.
45. The best is yet to come.
46 No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up.
47. Take a deep breath. It calms the mind.
48. If you don't ask, you don't get.
49. Yield.
50. Life isn't tied with a bow, but it's still a gift.
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