Monday 25June07
I've started reading A Return to Love (Reflections on the Principles of A Course In Miracles) by Marianne Williamson. I've been wanting to read A Course in Miracles but my focus still isn't there for it. For some reason, I still like the interpretations of it, like comments that Wayne Dyer has made and now Marianne's book.
In it, I had to laugh at her comment, "what I learned from A Course in Miracles is that the change we're really looking for is inside our heads.' It fit perfectly with my dealing with Talk Show Host today. When I stopped insisting that he shouldn't be that way, when I changed how I react to him everything changed for me.
I realize that he gets it too. Not once has he ever asked me why I don't respond to his incessant questioning. When I don't play his game he walks away. If his questions were so important he would ask me again but he never does.
EY
25 June 2007
My Two Cents
Monday 25June07
I wrote an entry in my other blog awhile back about having an epiphany about staying in one place versus running away. (click this link to read it)
The thing about staying put is that you do have to find a way to cope with naturally argumentative people. Talk show host is one of those difficult people I have to deal with at work. He has a shit disturber mentality. He likes to tell you that Harry said such and such about you then get you all worked up to the point where you say something about Harry. Then he'll run off to Harry to tell him what you said. He'll run back and forth until you and Harry confront each other over some non existent situation orchestrated by Talk show host. It makes him laugh, that's why he does it. He is truly gifted. You wouldn't believe how easily you can get drawn in.
He's been pulling these pranks on the guys for years and can still get a guy or two riled up. After every instance each person will say , "I don't know how I let him get me into this again. I should know better. I should know him by now."
I've been caught in his sticky web a number of times to the point of yelling with the veins popping out of my head. He has a way of putting things so innocently that you don't even realize he's doing what he's doing until it's too late. After so many times of coming home mad as hell and asking myself what I'm going to do to cope with this person I've finally figured out my own way.
If he asks a question, I answer the initial question and when he fires off the next question, I either claim, "I don't know," or I just don't answer him. I turn my attention and do something else as if he never said a word. Rude as it may sound, it's been working for me. Silence really is golden.
Today he asked, "Did you see the gay pride parade?"
I answered, "I didn't do the parade this year."
He said in an inappropriately loud voice, "I didn't ask if you did the parade, I asked if you saw it."
Normally my disposition is geared towards saying something like, "you know what I meant," and that would give him the opportunity to have our conversation escalate to me being angry and him having his big laugh at my expense. Instead I just shrugged my shoulders and walked away keeping my two cents to myself.
I realize that it's my need to be right that used to catch me up in his web. But happily enough my need to stay calm and have peace has superseded my need to be right. I find it's helped me to not only cope with this person but not get caught up in his constant bullshit.
There are some people you just have to write off for your own sanity. And my sanity is worth more than being right.
EY
I wrote an entry in my other blog awhile back about having an epiphany about staying in one place versus running away. (click this link to read it)
The thing about staying put is that you do have to find a way to cope with naturally argumentative people. Talk show host is one of those difficult people I have to deal with at work. He has a shit disturber mentality. He likes to tell you that Harry said such and such about you then get you all worked up to the point where you say something about Harry. Then he'll run off to Harry to tell him what you said. He'll run back and forth until you and Harry confront each other over some non existent situation orchestrated by Talk show host. It makes him laugh, that's why he does it. He is truly gifted. You wouldn't believe how easily you can get drawn in.
He's been pulling these pranks on the guys for years and can still get a guy or two riled up. After every instance each person will say , "I don't know how I let him get me into this again. I should know better. I should know him by now."
I've been caught in his sticky web a number of times to the point of yelling with the veins popping out of my head. He has a way of putting things so innocently that you don't even realize he's doing what he's doing until it's too late. After so many times of coming home mad as hell and asking myself what I'm going to do to cope with this person I've finally figured out my own way.
If he asks a question, I answer the initial question and when he fires off the next question, I either claim, "I don't know," or I just don't answer him. I turn my attention and do something else as if he never said a word. Rude as it may sound, it's been working for me. Silence really is golden.
Today he asked, "Did you see the gay pride parade?"
I answered, "I didn't do the parade this year."
He said in an inappropriately loud voice, "I didn't ask if you did the parade, I asked if you saw it."
Normally my disposition is geared towards saying something like, "you know what I meant," and that would give him the opportunity to have our conversation escalate to me being angry and him having his big laugh at my expense. Instead I just shrugged my shoulders and walked away keeping my two cents to myself.
I realize that it's my need to be right that used to catch me up in his web. But happily enough my need to stay calm and have peace has superseded my need to be right. I find it's helped me to not only cope with this person but not get caught up in his constant bullshit.
There are some people you just have to write off for your own sanity. And my sanity is worth more than being right.
EY
24 March 2007
My Confession - Patience
Saturday 24Mar07 11:04am
I caught the movie, Green Fingers, this morning. In it the old guy Fergus gets Clive Owen's character to plant violet seeds in an area where no one could believe that they could ever grow. Come spring the violets have grown and Fergus makes a comment about finding beauty in the most unlikely places. He suggests that Clive Owen's character (Luke?) find a way to learn how to embrace the adversity in his life even though they are prisoners.
Something made me think about the qualities we want to develop in ourselves. My latest quality of the last year or so has become patience. Not the losing your temper kind of patience but the long term patience of seeing things through. Of course when ever you decide on a certain quality you come face to face with it in a major way.
I am known for being uncommitted when it comes to relationships with men. Part of it is because I've been disappointed so often and for so long that I'd basically given up. If the truth be known. Why wish for something if it feels like it's not destined to ever happen in your life? It seems ridiculous to me. So I stopped wishing and worse yet, believing.
I met a man in December 2005. We were introduced in passing by a mutual friend. There was something about him the moment I saw him that I liked. I can recall thinking, "He's cute in a different way. I'd go out with him. He probably wouldn't look twice at me."
In February of 2006 our paths crossed again and over the last year we've become more friendly and have learned bits and pieces about each other. My original appraisal of him has turned into a full fledged crush. Of course nothing can be that simple in my life. With things not happening fast enough in my opinion I looked for other distractions i.e. other men to be interested in. I stayed away from him. I ignored him. I closed my thinking to him.
The male distractions never bore fruit in any substantial way. I was never that interested, my heart wasn't in it. I could care less if it worked out one way or the other. I finally read the signs and dropped all the distractions.
Over the last five months or longer I've resurfaced admitting to myself finally that I can't really get this person out of my head. I want to know more about him. I want to know if he's a worthwhile human being. I want to know what kind of man he is. And I've witnessed some pretty consistent remarkable things. Nothing has developed still and yet so much has developed.
I always have all these questions I want to ask him and all thoughts escape my mind whenever I come face to face. He does and says things that are quite sweet and leaves me wondering when action will follow or if any action will action follow.
He has become my patience meter. There are certain people that come into your life and you just know what purpose your connection to eachother is met. His purpose in my life is to teach me that long term patience (maybe even the patience of Job!) I've gone from running far away from him to that high school confusion of, "Does he like me?" Finally I've reached an inner calm (still with a sense of urgency) that acknowledges that whatever happens will happen. We could become great friends, something deeper, or we'll disappear out of each other's lives. Who really knows about anyone you meet, what your relationship could become?
Maybe it's not how long a relationship lasts or what it develops into but who I become because of it.
EY
I caught the movie, Green Fingers, this morning. In it the old guy Fergus gets Clive Owen's character to plant violet seeds in an area where no one could believe that they could ever grow. Come spring the violets have grown and Fergus makes a comment about finding beauty in the most unlikely places. He suggests that Clive Owen's character (Luke?) find a way to learn how to embrace the adversity in his life even though they are prisoners.
Something made me think about the qualities we want to develop in ourselves. My latest quality of the last year or so has become patience. Not the losing your temper kind of patience but the long term patience of seeing things through. Of course when ever you decide on a certain quality you come face to face with it in a major way.
I am known for being uncommitted when it comes to relationships with men. Part of it is because I've been disappointed so often and for so long that I'd basically given up. If the truth be known. Why wish for something if it feels like it's not destined to ever happen in your life? It seems ridiculous to me. So I stopped wishing and worse yet, believing.
I met a man in December 2005. We were introduced in passing by a mutual friend. There was something about him the moment I saw him that I liked. I can recall thinking, "He's cute in a different way. I'd go out with him. He probably wouldn't look twice at me."
In February of 2006 our paths crossed again and over the last year we've become more friendly and have learned bits and pieces about each other. My original appraisal of him has turned into a full fledged crush. Of course nothing can be that simple in my life. With things not happening fast enough in my opinion I looked for other distractions i.e. other men to be interested in. I stayed away from him. I ignored him. I closed my thinking to him.
The male distractions never bore fruit in any substantial way. I was never that interested, my heart wasn't in it. I could care less if it worked out one way or the other. I finally read the signs and dropped all the distractions.
Over the last five months or longer I've resurfaced admitting to myself finally that I can't really get this person out of my head. I want to know more about him. I want to know if he's a worthwhile human being. I want to know what kind of man he is. And I've witnessed some pretty consistent remarkable things. Nothing has developed still and yet so much has developed.
I always have all these questions I want to ask him and all thoughts escape my mind whenever I come face to face. He does and says things that are quite sweet and leaves me wondering when action will follow or if any action will action follow.
He has become my patience meter. There are certain people that come into your life and you just know what purpose your connection to eachother is met. His purpose in my life is to teach me that long term patience (maybe even the patience of Job!) I've gone from running far away from him to that high school confusion of, "Does he like me?" Finally I've reached an inner calm (still with a sense of urgency) that acknowledges that whatever happens will happen. We could become great friends, something deeper, or we'll disappear out of each other's lives. Who really knows about anyone you meet, what your relationship could become?
Maybe it's not how long a relationship lasts or what it develops into but who I become because of it.
EY
09 March 2007
Living My Best Life
Friday 9:19pm 9Mar07
I'm feeling real good tonight. I'm finding myself being more friendly with complete strangers. I'm finding the joke in most situations. I feel like I'm in love, but I'm not. I like the thought of being in love with someone but I think I'm falling in love with myself actually. I'm falling in love with myself because I'm finding ways to share myself with others the way that I want to. I feel more optimistic about everything. I'm falling in love with myself because I'm getting in touch with, 'this is who I am, take me or leave me'. I'm feeling more comfortable about being a flawed person and it feels good.
I'm finding that as I delve into my own insecurities I keep coming back up from them and seeing my life to be more fun even the waiting and figuring out if the guy that I've liked and have been getting to know for a year likes me back. Yeah, I'm feeling like a teenager, in that respect!
I started taping Oprah. I figured since I was taping Inside the Actor's Studio everyday I might as well tape Oprah. Tonight I caught her episode on women and aging. I was cracking up at some of the things the women said and feeling thrilled about some of the others. Like Diane Sawyer saying that at 60 years old she's finally realized that she needs to have time for herself. Diahann Carroll realizing that she'd never been without a man in her whole adult life and has actually learned how to love being alone and not having to report to someone. Also taking the reins and calling a man to fulfill her needs and not being invested in the outcome. And finally, depending on her friends more. All of those things I've figured out by being alone, by being the person that never jumped into new relationships the moment a relationship ended, taking the time to grieve the end of a relationship before I got involved with someone else.
My so-called embarrassing (or pity causing) singlehood has taught me how to be on my own and take care of myself and like myself and these women are saying that's something they've learned or embraced in their 60's! Heck, I got all that stuff out of the way and I'm only 43!
I'm finding my balance with people as a whole, in friendships and with men. After Oprah mentioned living your best life I thought, that's it, I'm learning how to live my best life. My rituals are defining who I am or I'm defining who I am through my rituals. I've always known that I wasn't going to be able to do everything the way my mother did. I was never going to the same king of selfless person that she was. I have a level of selflessness but I also need to be self focused. That is an extension of writing. I have to be able to focus on myself in order to take the time to write. There has to be a certain amount of self focus or setting that priority of putting myself first in order to set the priority of writing. I am in my writing. I write to absorb life and understand life. I write to analyze how I feel. I write because my imagination is out of control. I write because I'm interested and I love life's mysteries and I love to write.
I loved when Christina Yang said to Doctor Burke on Grey's Anatomy that she was a surgeon. That he was important to her and being a surgeon was important to her. She was telling him that she wasn't going to give up her career nor give him up. She wasn't going to be the woman that stays home while her husband is out in the trenches. She was going to be out in the trenches with him. She said, "we can hire a wife!" I loved what she said because women are discovering that they want the man but they don't want to be the house maid. We can hire people to clean the house and cook the meals and do all the other chores that most of us end up taking care of because, let's be honest, most men still don't share in taking care of the chores. I loved what Christina Yang said because I've always known that I didn't want to be the wife, not in the conventional sense anyway. I don't love doing housework. I'm not interested in running a ship shape household. I just don't care about it. I'm impressed with people who do, but I don't. Somehow she validated it for me in my feminine consciousness. This is who I am, take it or leave it. That was a big insecurity for me, how can I be a whole woman and not want to do all the things that are supposedly within a woman's domain?
I'm a whole woman exactly the way I am. My mother always got a kick out me. She was in awe of my opinions and my independence but boy she'd be proudly jealous of the woman I've become.
I'm still amazed at how good I feel just from the memory of my birthday a full week later. Read about it here and here.
EY
27 February 2007
Frustration Turns into Creativity
Tuesday 5:43pm 27Feb07
Yesterday I started the day off with a giggle thinking how relaxing my morning at work was going to be. Well, at least it started that way. Then it turned into a beat down session with me being the one beat down. I answered the phone with exasperation more times than not.
When I got home last night I was sure that I was going to dive into bed head first. I certainly couldn't blog. No one wants to read about that shit. I didn't even have the energy to go to the liquor store for a bottle of wine. The thought of standing in line sweating in my layers was akin to some kind of Japanese water torture.
I didn't think I was going to write at all. I started my journal, 'Today the wrath of Mercury retrograde reared its angry head in my direction.' Heck, I was the bullseye! The day was all about communication, miscommunication, hostile communication, Mercury's domain.
Somehow I figured out that sleeping and/or drinking wasn't the answer. So I wrote. I wrote my 1 hour mind cleanse for 30 minutes. I wrote my freeflow for my novel and I worked out. In the midst of working out I realized that frustration and anger motivate me.
I wrote in my journal, 'What a great thing sometimes frustration can be because it stops me and gets me to ask the question, what do I most need to focus on for my sanity and my future? I need to be able to ask that question when I'm not frustrated or angry. I want to feel good. I don't want to be ruled by a life of roller coaster emotions in order to create because that's the kind of person I am, the one who loves to create.'
Through the midst of all that I also decided that since I've got all my novel notes and drafts and scratchings in one place, I'm going to read everything I have and plug the pieces into appropriate chapters of my novel.
In my journal I wrote, 'It makes sense to go through all my pieces of writing to throw them all into White Wishes chapters. Read through it, mark up the page and type it into my novel that I'm working on now. Add the daily freeflow stuff that I'm doing for each chapter as well. Just keep adding and reading and reorganizing until I get there. And when I have read through every last bit of paper and have a whole novel then sculpt it like clay into what I want it to be.
I, today, February 26th 2007, feel like I can complete White Wishes and it's the best feeling ever. I can really do this. How wonderful is that? It's been a long time coming and there is still more work to do but I finally genuinely feel like I've got the right focus. I really need to have that feeling of creating out of thin air (freeflow/ stream of consciousness writing) because I love that feeling but, as well, I can plop the finished pieces together and read them and sculpt the scenes. It's really really good, this love of what I do.'
Some how I transformed the frustration and channeled it. I've been working toward harnessing my energy instead of turning it into depression for years, yesterday I nailed it.
EY
22 February 2007
The Bar
I'm in love! Okay, not with a person, but with a place. It's a small bar near where I work. I keep telling myself not to become a regular at this bar. It's nice once in awhile to show up and have a beer to break up the month of going straight home to write. It's nice once in awhile to go in and socialize and enjoy the cold refreshing beer saturating my tongue. But it's not my place, it's not my hang out.
What I discover everytime I go in is that there's something really magical about it. Everytime I go in there I meet someone new. The key of course could be that I go in there by myself, mind you, I do know enough of the regulars that I could conceivably just talk to them each time and never meet another new person. But I always meet someone new. It's fascinating. I get to hear funny stories, heart warming stories, personal stories. Stories galore! The place feeds my writer brain. Sometimes I can sit for an hour or so and work on my writing, sometimes I can't write because the socializing is on high and either way it feeds me.
Someone remarked last night, when I said that I didn't know what anyone there did for a living, that it was rare to meet a person who didn't immediately ask that question. I said that I want to talk to people not gauge how much money they may or may not earn. How much money someone makes has never been an interest to me.
At the bar, beautiful things happen in front of me because I expect some type of beauty there. I expect to meet nice people and I always do.
Last night one of the regulars was there and his daughters showed up with his 14 month old grand son. The bartender scooped up the chubby peach of a child and carried him around showing him off to everybody, excited by the size of the child, admiring the child's sunny face. What a gorgeous occasion to see a man thrilled by children. What a beautiful blessing having the chance to see another side, a tender side of a man. Especially a man. Babies stereotypically fall under a woman's domain. Women coo and ooh and aah over babies. In our society, men aren't supposed to.
In Wabi Sabi for writers by Richard R. Powell, he writes, "Male stereotypes pull hard at a boy; male society encourages a kind of brutish toughness. But my heart was born tender and gentle; my strength increased when I turned away from male pride..."
What a joy to see a man that has overcome that noise and who openly enjoys the sight of a chubby baby. I could almost see his heart swelling with joy over this baby. I'd love to see him when he finally has his own child. What a deserving heart for such a sacred experience.
And then there was the tale that Derek told me because I asked... "I hope I'm not being too forward in asking but what happened?"
see Derek's story next entry.
So slowly I'm becoming a regular in an alternate Cheers universe where everyone is beginning to know my name and I like it. Where the people feed into my writing world and where nice things happen because I'm looking for them
EY
Derek's Story
Thursday 7:58pm 22Feb07
He was a broker. He'd made his first million dollars by the time he was 28 years old. He said that he would have nightmares about money. He'd disappear for days at a time, running off to Vegas getting so doped up and thinking he was in Ajax. He'd call his wife saying he wasn't sure where he was. She complained to him, you're working too much, you're too focused on money, you need to spend more time with me and your sons.
He shrugged off her complaints. She wasn't complaining about flying off to go shopping with her best girlfriend on his money and not having to work for a living, he thought.
She left him.
He continued on his path.
She got in a serious car accident and broke her neck. The doctor's called him and told him to bring their sons in to say goodbye to their mother.
He brought them in then spent what was to be her final days with her in the hospital. He took a leave of absence from work and spent all his days at the hospital or taking care of his sons. She kept hanging on.
Eventually her situation started to improve. There was constant care but she was improving. The doctors put steel rods in her neck. He helped her when it was time to go home. He's continued to spend time with her and care for their sons.
One night they had a long talk. She said that despite loving her sons, she'd always wanted a little girl. They agreed and set out to get her pregnant. Doing what you do.
She's pregnant and it's a little girl. Derek moves back in with her in 6 weeks. He quit his job and got another low maintenance job.
He said, "now I'm having nightmares about having a baby. A little girl! Will she be healthy? Will the delivery be too hard on my wife? I'm a complete mess."
A complete mess? He's changed his life drastically. He listened to the message that the universe offered him. He's been given a second chance and he's taking it.
What a great story and I'm so grateful that he told it to me.
EY
He was a broker. He'd made his first million dollars by the time he was 28 years old. He said that he would have nightmares about money. He'd disappear for days at a time, running off to Vegas getting so doped up and thinking he was in Ajax. He'd call his wife saying he wasn't sure where he was. She complained to him, you're working too much, you're too focused on money, you need to spend more time with me and your sons.
He shrugged off her complaints. She wasn't complaining about flying off to go shopping with her best girlfriend on his money and not having to work for a living, he thought.
She left him.
He continued on his path.
She got in a serious car accident and broke her neck. The doctor's called him and told him to bring their sons in to say goodbye to their mother.
He brought them in then spent what was to be her final days with her in the hospital. He took a leave of absence from work and spent all his days at the hospital or taking care of his sons. She kept hanging on.
Eventually her situation started to improve. There was constant care but she was improving. The doctors put steel rods in her neck. He helped her when it was time to go home. He's continued to spend time with her and care for their sons.
One night they had a long talk. She said that despite loving her sons, she'd always wanted a little girl. They agreed and set out to get her pregnant. Doing what you do.
She's pregnant and it's a little girl. Derek moves back in with her in 6 weeks. He quit his job and got another low maintenance job.
He said, "now I'm having nightmares about having a baby. A little girl! Will she be healthy? Will the delivery be too hard on my wife? I'm a complete mess."
A complete mess? He's changed his life drastically. He listened to the message that the universe offered him. He's been given a second chance and he's taking it.
What a great story and I'm so grateful that he told it to me.
EY
12 February 2007
Mesmerized By Uncertainty
Monday 12Feb07 5:59pm
I took a cab to work this morning and got to hear a portion of a speech by Martin Luther King Jr. In it he talked about people being mesmerized by uncertainty. I liked that phrasing. It's true isn't it? We do spend so much needless time being mesmerized by uncertainty, focusing on all the things that can go wrong, focusing on all the things that frustrate us, focusing on all the things that we can't control. Personally, I can get into that spiral so easily and forget that there are any other possibilities.
It's just as easy to focus on all the things that could go right for a change. It would certainly give me a boost of positivity. What if I could complete all my novels? What if I could write 3 hours a day, every single day for the rest of my life and love myself for prioritizing? What if that smiling guy actually feels the same way about me? Who cares if he doesn't, by the time I realize he might not I'll have moved on, anyway. What if tomorrow I can accomplish one goal and the next day accomplish two and build on my successes every single day?
I liked the quote that either Deepak Chopra or Wayne Dyer mentions in their talk together (Creating your world the way you really want it to be.) One of them says, " Stop worrying about things you can't control because you can't control them so why worry about them? And Stop worrying about the things you can control because you can control them so there's no point in worrying about them. If you don't worry about what you can't control because you can't control it and you don't worry about the things you can control because you can control it, there's nothing to worry about. So Stop Worrying!"
I finally get that sugar makes me sleepy and have successfully cut that out as an option. I'm going to try being mesmerized by certainty for change. See how high I can lift my energy. Things are going to happen the way they happen anyway whether I look forward to things or feel scared of some unforeseen fallout.
You never know. What if I could get everything I want?
EY
I took a cab to work this morning and got to hear a portion of a speech by Martin Luther King Jr. In it he talked about people being mesmerized by uncertainty. I liked that phrasing. It's true isn't it? We do spend so much needless time being mesmerized by uncertainty, focusing on all the things that can go wrong, focusing on all the things that frustrate us, focusing on all the things that we can't control. Personally, I can get into that spiral so easily and forget that there are any other possibilities.
It's just as easy to focus on all the things that could go right for a change. It would certainly give me a boost of positivity. What if I could complete all my novels? What if I could write 3 hours a day, every single day for the rest of my life and love myself for prioritizing? What if that smiling guy actually feels the same way about me? Who cares if he doesn't, by the time I realize he might not I'll have moved on, anyway. What if tomorrow I can accomplish one goal and the next day accomplish two and build on my successes every single day?
I liked the quote that either Deepak Chopra or Wayne Dyer mentions in their talk together (Creating your world the way you really want it to be.) One of them says, " Stop worrying about things you can't control because you can't control them so why worry about them? And Stop worrying about the things you can control because you can control them so there's no point in worrying about them. If you don't worry about what you can't control because you can't control it and you don't worry about the things you can control because you can control it, there's nothing to worry about. So Stop Worrying!"
I finally get that sugar makes me sleepy and have successfully cut that out as an option. I'm going to try being mesmerized by certainty for change. See how high I can lift my energy. Things are going to happen the way they happen anyway whether I look forward to things or feel scared of some unforeseen fallout.
You never know. What if I could get everything I want?
EY
03 February 2007
I'm On The Path
Saturday 1:42pm 3Feb07
I'm always thinking about starting on my spiritual path to enlightenment but I often get all caught up with the fact that I like the taste of beer. Some how I have it in my head that if i'm to follow this path I'm going to need to give up drinking beer and live some sort of puritan existence.
Listening to my Deepak Chopra and Wayne Dyer Cd's and the ideas that they discuss, I tick off that imaginary checklist of some of the things I already do. Some of the things I fell into on my own, like the 4am rising. I've spent the last few days reminding myself that I'm exactly where I'm supposed to be, doing what I'm supposed to be doing. It finally clicked in to my consciousness on Friday morning that I am already on the path. This is my path. I am a beer drinking woman on my path to spiritual enlightenment. ha ha!
Being on the path doesn't mean being perfect. And could I live with myself if I were perfect?
I discussed this with a girlfriend last night who listed off all the reasons why she is a failure or all the examples that prove that she has failed. I asked her if she ever felt like she was an outsider within her own family. She said yes. I told her that my interpretation of her life was that she has had to prove to herself that she can survive on her own, not leaning on her family. All the so called failures and failings and fuck ups were her way of proving to herself that she could survive anything.
You are already on your path. The things that you focus on that you feel bad that you haven't accomplished yet are only options for you to choose, if you want to choose them. If you want, you can choose something else.
A lot of people pay attention to me and what I do and how I think about things. What if I was the person to interest everyday people to notice what their path is? What if I am a guide to everyday people? Well I'd certainly be drinking beer with them, wouldn't I? I'd have a few beer and I'd speak to them in their language.
So I've decided that I am a beer drinking woman on my spriritual path to enlightenment. When my circumstances change so will my behaviour and when my behaviour changes so will my circumstances. And in the mean time I'm going to enjoy the taste of a beer or two.
EY
I'm always thinking about starting on my spiritual path to enlightenment but I often get all caught up with the fact that I like the taste of beer. Some how I have it in my head that if i'm to follow this path I'm going to need to give up drinking beer and live some sort of puritan existence.
Listening to my Deepak Chopra and Wayne Dyer Cd's and the ideas that they discuss, I tick off that imaginary checklist of some of the things I already do. Some of the things I fell into on my own, like the 4am rising. I've spent the last few days reminding myself that I'm exactly where I'm supposed to be, doing what I'm supposed to be doing. It finally clicked in to my consciousness on Friday morning that I am already on the path. This is my path. I am a beer drinking woman on my path to spiritual enlightenment. ha ha!
Being on the path doesn't mean being perfect. And could I live with myself if I were perfect?
I discussed this with a girlfriend last night who listed off all the reasons why she is a failure or all the examples that prove that she has failed. I asked her if she ever felt like she was an outsider within her own family. She said yes. I told her that my interpretation of her life was that she has had to prove to herself that she can survive on her own, not leaning on her family. All the so called failures and failings and fuck ups were her way of proving to herself that she could survive anything.
You are already on your path. The things that you focus on that you feel bad that you haven't accomplished yet are only options for you to choose, if you want to choose them. If you want, you can choose something else.
A lot of people pay attention to me and what I do and how I think about things. What if I was the person to interest everyday people to notice what their path is? What if I am a guide to everyday people? Well I'd certainly be drinking beer with them, wouldn't I? I'd have a few beer and I'd speak to them in their language.
So I've decided that I am a beer drinking woman on my spriritual path to enlightenment. When my circumstances change so will my behaviour and when my behaviour changes so will my circumstances. And in the mean time I'm going to enjoy the taste of a beer or two.
EY
Rise and Shine
1:15pm Saturday 3Feb07
Back in the days when I was a ticket seller at the North York Performing Arts Centre and I was doing my Child and Youth Work program at George Brown, I used to read business magazines like Canadian Business and Fortune Magazine. One of the things that I learned was that you could take a small successful business from somewhere and start the same thing where you are. Which we basically know as franchising. But there's the other side where you find something that a business is doing to generate more sales and customer interest and you basically copy that and get the same results. Hey I'm not a business geek so my explanation is crude!
Any how, that was how Dave Nichol started the insider's report back in the days when he was CEO of Loblaws. He took what he saw worked at another vastly different company and applied it to Loblaws. He started all those President's choice lines and brought Cott's black cherry to loblaws under the President's choice label. Because of black cherry, I had to love Dave Nichol. Since I'd moved to Toronto I'd looked high and low for Cott's black cherry. The Cott's label was prevalent but not Black Cherry until Dave changed all that.
Any way because of that, I'd read any article written about Dave Nichol. The business media was pretty bitchy when it came to Dave Nichol. They didn't see his vision and basically happily called him a copy cat. Hello, isn't that what Pepsi and Coke do?
In one article about him, I learned that he got up between 4 and 5:30am every single day. At the time I thought, "that's crazy, who can get up that early? It's still dark out!" But eventually it was something I was able to do.
Wow, I forgot about my Dave Nichol's days. I actually saw him one day when I was working at Harbourfront as he was coming out of the Cott's office at the Queen's Quay Terminal. We said hello to each other but I never did find the guts to tell him that I found him and his career inspiring.
On Wednesday, I was listening to my Wayne Dyer Cd's and he talks about rising between 3am and 6am as part of a spiritual practice. Hmm, from CEO's to Spiritual leaders and one little writer. ha ha!
Yesterday a girlfriend emailed me Jim Citrin's article about getting up early from the yahoo finance section that shows how other CEO's use their early mornings and I post it here: (click the Rise and Shine title to go to the actual Yahoo page and read some of the bitter comments - they're funny)
Tapping the Power of Your Morning Routine by Jim Citrin
Posted on Tuesday, January 30, 2007, 3:00AM
How disciplined are you about your early-morning routine?
If you want to maximize your success while achieving the best possible balance in your life, you may want to take a fresh look at what time you wake up and what you do with your time before getting to the office.
A Wakeup Call
Last week, I contacted some of the business leaders I greatly admire and inquired about their early-morning schedules.
Specifically, I asked 20 CEOs and top executives what time they wake up, when they have their first cup of coffee, when they start on email, what if anything they do for exercise, what time they leave for the office, and what else they do before walking out the door.
I heard back from half a dozen of them within 10 minutes, and, in a matter of a few hours, I received answers from a total of 17 out of the 20 -- a response rate that would be the envy of any market researcher.
It didn't take long for the patterns to emerge. Based on an analysis of the executives' schedules and activities, I discovered seven practices you should seriously consider adopting in order to make the most of your morning.
1 Start early.
This is the part of your morning routine over which you have the greatest control. To fit it all in, it's a must to start early. The latest any of the surveyed executives wake up is 6 a.m., and almost 80 percent wake up at 5:30 or earlier.
The early-bird-gets-the-worm award goes to Padmasree Warrior, chief technology officer for Motorola, who rises at 4:30 a.m., spends an hour on email, reads most of the news online, and then does an hour of either cardio or resistance training each morning. This allows her to get her son ready for school and drop him off, and still get to work by 8 or 8:30 in the morning.
2 Get a jump on email.
If you think you're alone in feeling overwhelmed by email, take comfort: even top CEOs and the most senior executives feel compelled to stay on top of their email, and most of them find time in the early morning to do so.
Ursula Burns, the No. 2 executive at technology giant Xerox, says, "I do email from the minute I get up [5:15 a.m.] and all day long, finishing around midnight." Haim Saban, chairman and CEO of investment firm Saban Capital Group, starts email right after his first cup of coffee "at 6:02 a.m." and works on it for about an hour before his 75-minute morning exercise regimen.
Lou D'Ambrosio, chief executive officer at telecommunications equipment leader Avaya Communications, is "on email literally within one minute after waking up. I spend about an hour at home in the morning doing email to jump-start the day. This allows me to have a clear mind when I set priorities for the day." Lou also does email from 10 p.m. to 11:30 p.m. at night.
Several executives wait until they get to the office before they start working on email. Matt Ouimet, president of the hotel group for Starwood Hotels & Resorts Worldwide, for example, rises at 5:30 a.m. and leaves the house at 6 a.m. to get to the office very early -- "I've always been anxious to get to work: game time" -- and responds to email undisturbed for an hour while the office is very quiet.
3 Exercise every morning.
It's often difficult to find a way to fit exercise into your busy schedule, but knowing that some of the most successful businesspeople do so might motivate you to find a way to work it into your routine.
More than 70 percent of the business leaders in my survey perform their exercise in the morning, while 15 percent find a way to do it during the day (one does it late at night before turning in). Only two of the executives admit to not exercising on a regular basis, although one said, "I know I should."
The individual who demonstrates the greatest exercise discipline is the CEO of a high-performing global technology company (I promised him anonymity so as not to blow his cover). "I exercise at lunchtime," he says. "I block the time every single day. This is because I'm a runner and that's the best time to run outside all year long."
4 Be thoughtful about the source, form, and timing of your news.
Much has been written about the demise of the newspaper, and, along those lines, about a quarter of the executives I spoke with has switched to online news. Yet most of the others maintain the morning newspaper as a central part of their routine.
Steve Reinemund, the CEO of PepsiCo, reads the New York Times, the Wall Street Journal, the Financial Times, and the Dallas Morning News. Rafe Sagalyn, CEO of the prestigious Sagalyn Literary Agency of Bethesda, Md., blends traditional and new media. He says, "I simultaneously skim online newspapers from Boston to Los Angeles and half a dozen blogs one really has to keep up with. At about 6:30 a.m., I fetch three morning papers -- the New York Times, the Washington Post, and the Wall Street Journal."
5 Problem-solve.
The quiet of the morning is often the time when your mind is at its clearest and most well-suited to solving important problems.
Steve Murphy, CEO of publishing company Rodale, says, "A line in a William Blake poem inspired me to think differently about my day: ‘Think in the morning, act in the noon, read in the evening, and sleep at night.' This has made a huge difference in my life. Now, I take out a yellow pad every morning and write my thoughts for the day, which allows me to be much more strategic and proactive than reactive."
6 Make family time.
Many business leaders find that the morning encourages important family time. Some have breakfast with their families or make taking kids to school a central part of the morning routine.
Clayton, Dubilier & Rice managing partner Kevin Conway lingers at home when he can to help send off all three kids to school. Greg Maffei, CEO of Liberty Media Corporation, says, "I try to talk one of my kids into going outside to get the paper, but end up getting it myself. I then have breakfast with my wife and kids, help the latter get dressed, and drive the older boys to the bus stop at 7:40 a.m."
7 Be creative with your morning routine.
Despite all the discipline and structure described in the above best practices, it doesn't mean you can't be creative with your morning rituals. Gerry Laybourne, founder, chairman, and CEO of Oxygen Media, maintains a routine similar to other business leaders.
However, she adds a unique twist to her schedule: "Once or twice a week, I go for a walk in Central Park with a young person seeking my advice. This is my way of helping bring along the next generation. I can't take time at the office to do this, but doing it in the morning allows me to get exercise and stay connected with young people at the same time."
The examples cited here have led me to reassess how I structure my early-morning time, and I hope they help you in making the most of your daily routine as well.
Back in the days when I was a ticket seller at the North York Performing Arts Centre and I was doing my Child and Youth Work program at George Brown, I used to read business magazines like Canadian Business and Fortune Magazine. One of the things that I learned was that you could take a small successful business from somewhere and start the same thing where you are. Which we basically know as franchising. But there's the other side where you find something that a business is doing to generate more sales and customer interest and you basically copy that and get the same results. Hey I'm not a business geek so my explanation is crude!
Any how, that was how Dave Nichol started the insider's report back in the days when he was CEO of Loblaws. He took what he saw worked at another vastly different company and applied it to Loblaws. He started all those President's choice lines and brought Cott's black cherry to loblaws under the President's choice label. Because of black cherry, I had to love Dave Nichol. Since I'd moved to Toronto I'd looked high and low for Cott's black cherry. The Cott's label was prevalent but not Black Cherry until Dave changed all that.
Any way because of that, I'd read any article written about Dave Nichol. The business media was pretty bitchy when it came to Dave Nichol. They didn't see his vision and basically happily called him a copy cat. Hello, isn't that what Pepsi and Coke do?
In one article about him, I learned that he got up between 4 and 5:30am every single day. At the time I thought, "that's crazy, who can get up that early? It's still dark out!" But eventually it was something I was able to do.
Wow, I forgot about my Dave Nichol's days. I actually saw him one day when I was working at Harbourfront as he was coming out of the Cott's office at the Queen's Quay Terminal. We said hello to each other but I never did find the guts to tell him that I found him and his career inspiring.
On Wednesday, I was listening to my Wayne Dyer Cd's and he talks about rising between 3am and 6am as part of a spiritual practice. Hmm, from CEO's to Spiritual leaders and one little writer. ha ha!
Yesterday a girlfriend emailed me Jim Citrin's article about getting up early from the yahoo finance section that shows how other CEO's use their early mornings and I post it here: (click the Rise and Shine title to go to the actual Yahoo page and read some of the bitter comments - they're funny)
Tapping the Power of Your Morning Routine by Jim Citrin
Posted on Tuesday, January 30, 2007, 3:00AM
How disciplined are you about your early-morning routine?
If you want to maximize your success while achieving the best possible balance in your life, you may want to take a fresh look at what time you wake up and what you do with your time before getting to the office.
A Wakeup Call
Last week, I contacted some of the business leaders I greatly admire and inquired about their early-morning schedules.
Specifically, I asked 20 CEOs and top executives what time they wake up, when they have their first cup of coffee, when they start on email, what if anything they do for exercise, what time they leave for the office, and what else they do before walking out the door.
I heard back from half a dozen of them within 10 minutes, and, in a matter of a few hours, I received answers from a total of 17 out of the 20 -- a response rate that would be the envy of any market researcher.
It didn't take long for the patterns to emerge. Based on an analysis of the executives' schedules and activities, I discovered seven practices you should seriously consider adopting in order to make the most of your morning.
1 Start early.
This is the part of your morning routine over which you have the greatest control. To fit it all in, it's a must to start early. The latest any of the surveyed executives wake up is 6 a.m., and almost 80 percent wake up at 5:30 or earlier.
The early-bird-gets-the-worm award goes to Padmasree Warrior, chief technology officer for Motorola, who rises at 4:30 a.m., spends an hour on email, reads most of the news online, and then does an hour of either cardio or resistance training each morning. This allows her to get her son ready for school and drop him off, and still get to work by 8 or 8:30 in the morning.
2 Get a jump on email.
If you think you're alone in feeling overwhelmed by email, take comfort: even top CEOs and the most senior executives feel compelled to stay on top of their email, and most of them find time in the early morning to do so.
Ursula Burns, the No. 2 executive at technology giant Xerox, says, "I do email from the minute I get up [5:15 a.m.] and all day long, finishing around midnight." Haim Saban, chairman and CEO of investment firm Saban Capital Group, starts email right after his first cup of coffee "at 6:02 a.m." and works on it for about an hour before his 75-minute morning exercise regimen.
Lou D'Ambrosio, chief executive officer at telecommunications equipment leader Avaya Communications, is "on email literally within one minute after waking up. I spend about an hour at home in the morning doing email to jump-start the day. This allows me to have a clear mind when I set priorities for the day." Lou also does email from 10 p.m. to 11:30 p.m. at night.
Several executives wait until they get to the office before they start working on email. Matt Ouimet, president of the hotel group for Starwood Hotels & Resorts Worldwide, for example, rises at 5:30 a.m. and leaves the house at 6 a.m. to get to the office very early -- "I've always been anxious to get to work: game time" -- and responds to email undisturbed for an hour while the office is very quiet.
3 Exercise every morning.
It's often difficult to find a way to fit exercise into your busy schedule, but knowing that some of the most successful businesspeople do so might motivate you to find a way to work it into your routine.
More than 70 percent of the business leaders in my survey perform their exercise in the morning, while 15 percent find a way to do it during the day (one does it late at night before turning in). Only two of the executives admit to not exercising on a regular basis, although one said, "I know I should."
The individual who demonstrates the greatest exercise discipline is the CEO of a high-performing global technology company (I promised him anonymity so as not to blow his cover). "I exercise at lunchtime," he says. "I block the time every single day. This is because I'm a runner and that's the best time to run outside all year long."
4 Be thoughtful about the source, form, and timing of your news.
Much has been written about the demise of the newspaper, and, along those lines, about a quarter of the executives I spoke with has switched to online news. Yet most of the others maintain the morning newspaper as a central part of their routine.
Steve Reinemund, the CEO of PepsiCo, reads the New York Times, the Wall Street Journal, the Financial Times, and the Dallas Morning News. Rafe Sagalyn, CEO of the prestigious Sagalyn Literary Agency of Bethesda, Md., blends traditional and new media. He says, "I simultaneously skim online newspapers from Boston to Los Angeles and half a dozen blogs one really has to keep up with. At about 6:30 a.m., I fetch three morning papers -- the New York Times, the Washington Post, and the Wall Street Journal."
5 Problem-solve.
The quiet of the morning is often the time when your mind is at its clearest and most well-suited to solving important problems.
Steve Murphy, CEO of publishing company Rodale, says, "A line in a William Blake poem inspired me to think differently about my day: ‘Think in the morning, act in the noon, read in the evening, and sleep at night.' This has made a huge difference in my life. Now, I take out a yellow pad every morning and write my thoughts for the day, which allows me to be much more strategic and proactive than reactive."
6 Make family time.
Many business leaders find that the morning encourages important family time. Some have breakfast with their families or make taking kids to school a central part of the morning routine.
Clayton, Dubilier & Rice managing partner Kevin Conway lingers at home when he can to help send off all three kids to school. Greg Maffei, CEO of Liberty Media Corporation, says, "I try to talk one of my kids into going outside to get the paper, but end up getting it myself. I then have breakfast with my wife and kids, help the latter get dressed, and drive the older boys to the bus stop at 7:40 a.m."
7 Be creative with your morning routine.
Despite all the discipline and structure described in the above best practices, it doesn't mean you can't be creative with your morning rituals. Gerry Laybourne, founder, chairman, and CEO of Oxygen Media, maintains a routine similar to other business leaders.
However, she adds a unique twist to her schedule: "Once or twice a week, I go for a walk in Central Park with a young person seeking my advice. This is my way of helping bring along the next generation. I can't take time at the office to do this, but doing it in the morning allows me to get exercise and stay connected with young people at the same time."
The examples cited here have led me to reassess how I structure my early-morning time, and I hope they help you in making the most of your daily routine as well.
Are You Dreaming Big Enough?
Are You Dreaming Big Enough?
by Alan Cohen
I saw a billboard prominently displaying photos of two bottles of liquor. One was a small bottle with the caption, "Regular size." The other bottle was huge, several times larger than the tiny one --its caption was, "Fantasize."
The only dreams worth entertaining are those which are far greater than the life we are already living. If we are guilty of any sin (Self-Inflicted Nonsense), it is accommodation. We hurt ourselves not by what we ask for; but by what we settle for.
When choosing a goal, be sure it is outrageous. If it is something you have already done, or think you may be able to do, you are thinking too small. Worthy dreams stretch us beyond our history and challenge our limits, calling us to live larger than we thought we were.
Here is a powerful exercise that will show you how to step into bigger shoes. On a piece of paper, write the heading, "Know I Can." Under the heading, write down three goals you are confident you can accomplish, and probably will, within a matter of time. Below that section write, "Maybe I Can." Then number 4 through 6, and write down three projects you would like to do, but wonder if you really can. These are the dreams that stretch you beyond your current boundaries, but seem within the realm of possibility. Finally, write the heading, "Outrageous," and for numbers 7 through 9, record the three most outlandish visions you can think of, the dreams that thrill you to consider, but you don't see how they could possibly happen.
The second part of the exercise requires that you read your list daily, spending about twenty seconds visualizing each goal (sixty seconds if you are inspired). Hold each image clearly in mind, and get the feeling that your objective has already been realized.
The exercise becomes even more fun as you check off each goal when it is accomplished. Your visioning will be met with miracles and support from the universe through avenues you could never have predicted. As you complete checking off the first group, the second group will slide up to a higher level of possibility; the "Maybe I Can" section will become the "Know I Can." Your excitement will further increase when the third group ascends to become the second; somehow the "Outrageous" becomes "Maybe I Can," and before too long, "Know I Can." Then you can add more to your "Maybe I Can" and "Outrageous" lists and watch them slide up like credits rolling at the end of a movie. Your only job is to stay focused, keep visualizing, and remain open to receive more than you once thought you deserved.
A recent Amway convention centered on the theme, "Think Big-Settle for More." Life operates according to universal laws which, if you tap into them, will transport you home like a mighty stallion. Life gives us not what we struggle for, but what we allow. You can come to the ocean with a thimble, a bucket, or a tank truck, and you will take with you the volume of the container you brought.
As I was leading a guided meditation I had a vision of a great light shining down on everyone in the room. The light was the abundance of the universe, the vast love of God, replete with infinite good and blessings. In the vision each person was sitting with a basket in his or her lap; some held tiny baskets, and others had huge ones. Those with small baskets were receiving a little, and those with huge baskets were receiving a lot. All was offered to all, and each gathered as much as they were willing to hold.
William Blake boldly declared, "A man's reach should exceed his grasp, or else what's a heaven for?"
Outrageous goals are valuable because they expand your belief system and carve wider neural pathways in your brain, by which your good may be delivered to you. Even if you do not achieve your highest goal immediately, you will attain far more than you would have if you entertained a smaller dream. "I used to shoot for the moon, and I hit the mountains; now I shoot for the stars, and I'm hitting the moon."
Be humble enough to admit that you don't see your highest possibilities, yet powerful enough to accept God's vision of your potential. Even our most exalted insights glimpse but a tiny portion of the big picture. In 1949, an issue of Popular Mechanics magazine featured an article by the expert on the then-new field of computers. He predicted that "by the end of the century, computers may weigh as little as 1.5 tons." I am now writing on a laptop computer that weighs 6 pounds-one five hundredth the size he predicted! The most exalted visionary of his time erred by a factor of 500! Imagine that the good you can receive is 500 hundred times more wonderful than you can imagine, and you will be taking your first step toward thinking for yourself as God thinks for you.
Alan Cohen is the author of the bestselling The Dragon Doesn't Live Here Anymore.
Copyright © 1997 by Alan Cohen
All rights reserved. Inquiries should be addressed to
Hay House, P.O. Box 5100, Carlsbad, CA 92018
by Alan Cohen
I saw a billboard prominently displaying photos of two bottles of liquor. One was a small bottle with the caption, "Regular size." The other bottle was huge, several times larger than the tiny one --its caption was, "Fantasize."
The only dreams worth entertaining are those which are far greater than the life we are already living. If we are guilty of any sin (Self-Inflicted Nonsense), it is accommodation. We hurt ourselves not by what we ask for; but by what we settle for.
When choosing a goal, be sure it is outrageous. If it is something you have already done, or think you may be able to do, you are thinking too small. Worthy dreams stretch us beyond our history and challenge our limits, calling us to live larger than we thought we were.
Here is a powerful exercise that will show you how to step into bigger shoes. On a piece of paper, write the heading, "Know I Can." Under the heading, write down three goals you are confident you can accomplish, and probably will, within a matter of time. Below that section write, "Maybe I Can." Then number 4 through 6, and write down three projects you would like to do, but wonder if you really can. These are the dreams that stretch you beyond your current boundaries, but seem within the realm of possibility. Finally, write the heading, "Outrageous," and for numbers 7 through 9, record the three most outlandish visions you can think of, the dreams that thrill you to consider, but you don't see how they could possibly happen.
The second part of the exercise requires that you read your list daily, spending about twenty seconds visualizing each goal (sixty seconds if you are inspired). Hold each image clearly in mind, and get the feeling that your objective has already been realized.
The exercise becomes even more fun as you check off each goal when it is accomplished. Your visioning will be met with miracles and support from the universe through avenues you could never have predicted. As you complete checking off the first group, the second group will slide up to a higher level of possibility; the "Maybe I Can" section will become the "Know I Can." Your excitement will further increase when the third group ascends to become the second; somehow the "Outrageous" becomes "Maybe I Can," and before too long, "Know I Can." Then you can add more to your "Maybe I Can" and "Outrageous" lists and watch them slide up like credits rolling at the end of a movie. Your only job is to stay focused, keep visualizing, and remain open to receive more than you once thought you deserved.
A recent Amway convention centered on the theme, "Think Big-Settle for More." Life operates according to universal laws which, if you tap into them, will transport you home like a mighty stallion. Life gives us not what we struggle for, but what we allow. You can come to the ocean with a thimble, a bucket, or a tank truck, and you will take with you the volume of the container you brought.
As I was leading a guided meditation I had a vision of a great light shining down on everyone in the room. The light was the abundance of the universe, the vast love of God, replete with infinite good and blessings. In the vision each person was sitting with a basket in his or her lap; some held tiny baskets, and others had huge ones. Those with small baskets were receiving a little, and those with huge baskets were receiving a lot. All was offered to all, and each gathered as much as they were willing to hold.
William Blake boldly declared, "A man's reach should exceed his grasp, or else what's a heaven for?"
Outrageous goals are valuable because they expand your belief system and carve wider neural pathways in your brain, by which your good may be delivered to you. Even if you do not achieve your highest goal immediately, you will attain far more than you would have if you entertained a smaller dream. "I used to shoot for the moon, and I hit the mountains; now I shoot for the stars, and I'm hitting the moon."
Be humble enough to admit that you don't see your highest possibilities, yet powerful enough to accept God's vision of your potential. Even our most exalted insights glimpse but a tiny portion of the big picture. In 1949, an issue of Popular Mechanics magazine featured an article by the expert on the then-new field of computers. He predicted that "by the end of the century, computers may weigh as little as 1.5 tons." I am now writing on a laptop computer that weighs 6 pounds-one five hundredth the size he predicted! The most exalted visionary of his time erred by a factor of 500! Imagine that the good you can receive is 500 hundred times more wonderful than you can imagine, and you will be taking your first step toward thinking for yourself as God thinks for you.
Alan Cohen is the author of the bestselling The Dragon Doesn't Live Here Anymore.
Copyright © 1997 by Alan Cohen
All rights reserved. Inquiries should be addressed to
Hay House, P.O. Box 5100, Carlsbad, CA 92018
22 January 2007
Using Frustration
Monday 6:45pm 22Jan07
I've gone into week two of being plagued by constant frustrations. This is usually the point when I leave, disappear out of people's lives never to be heard from again. But I'm tired of running. I'm tired of fighting all the battles or even choosing my battles. The whole drama is too exhausting.
It's taken me a full two weeks to get my energy level back from being sick from a cold/stomach flu combo. The good thing about that is I had to approach the frustrations from a different angle. Instead of fighting it off with words, speaking up about the injustice of it all, I've had to stew in my thoughts.
I've got goals I want to work on, things I want to do with my life. I can't keep my focus on my goals if I'm caught in the mire of frustrations.
I came home one night last week and freeflowed for an hour, my nightly ritual to cleanse my mind of the residual junk or frustration or stress that I may carry home with me that keeps me from writing. In the midst of the mind cleanse, I wrote that the frustrations were there to push me foreward with my goals. They are messages telling me to work diligently on my goals rather than running away which has been my modus operandi my whole adult life.
I lived the motto, "If you don't like it, walk away."
Not these days. These days, although I haven't found a clear motto, my mottos has something to do with not getting too complacent. Don't be too comfortable but know that I'm in the perfect place, the perfect situation to serve my purpose.
Yeah, my frustrations are God's way of telling me to keep focused on my goals.
What do your frustrations mean to you?
EY
I've gone into week two of being plagued by constant frustrations. This is usually the point when I leave, disappear out of people's lives never to be heard from again. But I'm tired of running. I'm tired of fighting all the battles or even choosing my battles. The whole drama is too exhausting.
It's taken me a full two weeks to get my energy level back from being sick from a cold/stomach flu combo. The good thing about that is I had to approach the frustrations from a different angle. Instead of fighting it off with words, speaking up about the injustice of it all, I've had to stew in my thoughts.
I've got goals I want to work on, things I want to do with my life. I can't keep my focus on my goals if I'm caught in the mire of frustrations.
I came home one night last week and freeflowed for an hour, my nightly ritual to cleanse my mind of the residual junk or frustration or stress that I may carry home with me that keeps me from writing. In the midst of the mind cleanse, I wrote that the frustrations were there to push me foreward with my goals. They are messages telling me to work diligently on my goals rather than running away which has been my modus operandi my whole adult life.
I lived the motto, "If you don't like it, walk away."
Not these days. These days, although I haven't found a clear motto, my mottos has something to do with not getting too complacent. Don't be too comfortable but know that I'm in the perfect place, the perfect situation to serve my purpose.
Yeah, my frustrations are God's way of telling me to keep focused on my goals.
What do your frustrations mean to you?
EY
05 January 2007
Glory Glory!
Friday 9:46pm 5Jan07
There's an affirmation that I know I have written somewhere but can't find it right now. But basically it alludes to us being in the right place right now. Whatever situations we are in are perfect for what we need to do, for the dreams we plan to realize, for the lessons we need to learn.
I'm really feeling that this evening. It's Friday and normally I'd be in bed by now after a week of work I'm normally wiped. The whole thing of being around so many people and being on all the time usually wears me out by Friday. Like an old girl I'm conked out before 10pm.
I've been focusing on three things as of late. I've been working towards writing 21 hours a week. I've been getting up everyday as close to 4am as much as possible (it's been more around 4:30am which isn't too shabby in the grand scheme of goals) and I've been working on pushing my daily walking from 10,000 steps a day to 15,000 steps. I'm hitting about 14,000 steps most days and more on others.
The results this week have been taking form. Moving me in the forward direction. I've been writing at least 1.5 hours a day with a couple days hitting 2.5 hours (I'm still trying to get to 3 hours a day). I've been getting up at 4:30am basically because I don't always hear my alarm at 4am but always hear my stereo at 4:30am. And with the walking, I've been either leaving a half hour earlier before work or walking longer after work before I come home.
My 4:30am rise does such a great thing for my state of mind. I'm focusing on my goals first and foremost. Making my dreams a priority before I set out for a day of work (realizing other peoples goals) keeps me in good stead to make it through the inevitable frustrations of the day. Pushing myself to write every single day helps me to prove to myself that I'm serious about realizing my goals.
It's funny, I've only told a couple people about my writing goal and one person made a comment, "Wow, That's an ambitious goal," in that tone of voice. Yeah Skippy, it's an ambitious goal and I'm not getting younger as the years pass by. Oh and neither are you, or hadn't you noticed? And the walking is to give my lazy ass the energy to work on that 'ambitious goal' combined with making it through each work day.
Back to that comment about being in the right place right now and all that... I've been thinking about the men (boys?) that were in my life that I had to wipe completely out of my life. Their confusion causing behaviours were too time consuming for one and I discovered that there is a reason for me being single right now. I need all the time I can fit in to the work on my goals and a confusing man just takes my focus away from that.
If a man can't just show his interest without a lot of game playing and strange bullshit, he's not interested enough and at no time will that relationship change, it will only get worse. You can justify anyone's bad behaviour but you'll still keep getting bad behaviour. Bottom line. They were cute, but they weren't Gods. 6'5" built like a brick shit house, now that's a God! If I'm going to have my time consumed, let it be with a God! Here here!
I'm 42 years old soon to be 43. I don't know if I'm going to live for another year or if I'll live into my 80's or if I'll make it to a hundred with all my mental faculties in tact (touch wood). I've really hit my wall of mortality and there are things I want to do with my life before I die. And I'm not interested in sharing that time with people who only want to talk about themselves or tell me about their projects but have no genuine interest in mine except to find an opportunity to criticize me. Or ask me how I am and in the midst of telling them they cut me off because they are reminded about some more information about themselves. My ears are closed to you. I've got bigger and better things on the front and back burners.
I've been the go to girl for my whole life and all it's done was to let my life slip by while others ran off and lived theirs only to come running back when in crisis. If you're in crisis, go see a therapist. They're paid to listen. They're professionals. They do it during business hours. IT IS NOT MY JOB TO HEAL THE FUCKING WORLD! It's not my job.
I'm finally getting it. I've finally realized how much better I feel by putting myself first in my life. If I have anything healing to say, it's to tell you to go and put yourself first in your life.
And for my little friend who hasn't found a new job yet, but will soon, and reads me daily (have I told you I love you?) just remember that you too are in the right place right now, we all are. What do you need to do while you're in this place, if there is a purpose for you being here? I ask only because I want you to feel better in your moment of feeling stuck.
EY
There's an affirmation that I know I have written somewhere but can't find it right now. But basically it alludes to us being in the right place right now. Whatever situations we are in are perfect for what we need to do, for the dreams we plan to realize, for the lessons we need to learn.
I'm really feeling that this evening. It's Friday and normally I'd be in bed by now after a week of work I'm normally wiped. The whole thing of being around so many people and being on all the time usually wears me out by Friday. Like an old girl I'm conked out before 10pm.
I've been focusing on three things as of late. I've been working towards writing 21 hours a week. I've been getting up everyday as close to 4am as much as possible (it's been more around 4:30am which isn't too shabby in the grand scheme of goals) and I've been working on pushing my daily walking from 10,000 steps a day to 15,000 steps. I'm hitting about 14,000 steps most days and more on others.
The results this week have been taking form. Moving me in the forward direction. I've been writing at least 1.5 hours a day with a couple days hitting 2.5 hours (I'm still trying to get to 3 hours a day). I've been getting up at 4:30am basically because I don't always hear my alarm at 4am but always hear my stereo at 4:30am. And with the walking, I've been either leaving a half hour earlier before work or walking longer after work before I come home.
My 4:30am rise does such a great thing for my state of mind. I'm focusing on my goals first and foremost. Making my dreams a priority before I set out for a day of work (realizing other peoples goals) keeps me in good stead to make it through the inevitable frustrations of the day. Pushing myself to write every single day helps me to prove to myself that I'm serious about realizing my goals.
It's funny, I've only told a couple people about my writing goal and one person made a comment, "Wow, That's an ambitious goal," in that tone of voice. Yeah Skippy, it's an ambitious goal and I'm not getting younger as the years pass by. Oh and neither are you, or hadn't you noticed? And the walking is to give my lazy ass the energy to work on that 'ambitious goal' combined with making it through each work day.
Back to that comment about being in the right place right now and all that... I've been thinking about the men (boys?) that were in my life that I had to wipe completely out of my life. Their confusion causing behaviours were too time consuming for one and I discovered that there is a reason for me being single right now. I need all the time I can fit in to the work on my goals and a confusing man just takes my focus away from that.
If a man can't just show his interest without a lot of game playing and strange bullshit, he's not interested enough and at no time will that relationship change, it will only get worse. You can justify anyone's bad behaviour but you'll still keep getting bad behaviour. Bottom line. They were cute, but they weren't Gods. 6'5" built like a brick shit house, now that's a God! If I'm going to have my time consumed, let it be with a God! Here here!
I'm 42 years old soon to be 43. I don't know if I'm going to live for another year or if I'll live into my 80's or if I'll make it to a hundred with all my mental faculties in tact (touch wood). I've really hit my wall of mortality and there are things I want to do with my life before I die. And I'm not interested in sharing that time with people who only want to talk about themselves or tell me about their projects but have no genuine interest in mine except to find an opportunity to criticize me. Or ask me how I am and in the midst of telling them they cut me off because they are reminded about some more information about themselves. My ears are closed to you. I've got bigger and better things on the front and back burners.
I've been the go to girl for my whole life and all it's done was to let my life slip by while others ran off and lived theirs only to come running back when in crisis. If you're in crisis, go see a therapist. They're paid to listen. They're professionals. They do it during business hours. IT IS NOT MY JOB TO HEAL THE FUCKING WORLD! It's not my job.
I'm finally getting it. I've finally realized how much better I feel by putting myself first in my life. If I have anything healing to say, it's to tell you to go and put yourself first in your life.
And for my little friend who hasn't found a new job yet, but will soon, and reads me daily (have I told you I love you?) just remember that you too are in the right place right now, we all are. What do you need to do while you're in this place, if there is a purpose for you being here? I ask only because I want you to feel better in your moment of feeling stuck.
EY
02 January 2007
Tarot Your Year
I tried this ritual on December 31st, it was enlightening...
From Beverlee at astrologybybeverlee (Click the title to access her web site)
EY
As one year comes to a close one cycle ends and another cycle begins to unfold. So I'd like to offer you a ritual to perform as you mark the passing of one year--2006 and the beginning of another--2007.
You'll need a Tarot Deck to perform this ritual.
New Year's Tarot Meditation
To begin, find a quiet spot where you will not be disturbed, seat yourself comfortably and take a deep breath. Now just exhale the year that is ending. Better yet, take in a deep breath for each month and exhale the closing year a month at a time. While you are exhaling, you might like to visualize a calendar and its pages—starting with January—being exhaled out into the Universe. If there is something special that you want to let go of that occurred in one of these months, visualize it moving away from you off into the distance and into the Universe, leaving you forever.
When you complete this visualization you should be feeling much lighter and ready to prepare for the beautiful New Year that awaits you. Now you're ready to begin the Tarot Meditation that will reveal your expectations, wishes and possibilities for the New Year.
This Tarot Meditation is designed to correspond to the Lunar Phases with which we have become so familiar as we've worked together with them over the past few years. You'll begin by shuffling your Tarot Deck to imbue it with your energy. Then you're going to cut the deck towards you with your left hand and draw nine cards.
The first card you draw will be the Creator. Place it in the center of the circle. This card symbolizes your highest potential for the coming year. It shows how you will be connected to your "Great I Am" throughout the year.
The second card you draw represents you and the new beginnings you are committed to making in the coming year. You may use this card for visualization for the entire year because it symbolizes what you are in the process of becoming. This card also symbolizes the New Moon—beginnings. Place this card in the Eastern part of your circle.
The third card you draw represents what you must build and work on in the coming year in order to be successful. It correlates to the Crescent Phase. Place this card in the South Eastern part of the circle.
The fourth card represents what you have to step out and try in the New Year so that you will feel like you are doing something that is expressing your individuality. It symbolizes the First Quarter Phase of the Moon. Place this card in the Southern part of the circle.
The fifth card represents your inner child and what it is seeking in the way of creativity and fun for the New Year. This card can also have a great deal to do with your work and how you plan to make it a pleasurable experience. It embodies the Gibbous Phase of the Moon. Place this card in the South Western part of the circle.
The sixth card you draw represents your shadow issue and what you must learn this year in order to have a good relationship with others. It also represents the Full Phase of the Cycle. Place this card in the Western part of the wheel.
The seventh card represents what you have to give out unconditionally all year long in order to stay in balance and receive abundance. This ties in with the Disseminating Phase. Place this card in the North Western part of the wheel.
The eighth card represents your power for the New Year. This is your goal—what you can achieve when all of the other cards are balanced. This corresponds to the Last Quarter Phase of the Cycle. Place this card in the Northern position of the wheel.
The ninth card represents what you will be letting go of in the New Year. It also symbolizes the part of you that needs rest and healing. This is your spiritual program for the New Year. You can think of it as your retreat card. It's similar to the Balsamic Phase of the Moon. Place it in the North East position in the wheel.
Now it's time to read the descriptions for each of the cards you have drawn in the book or booklet that accompanies your Tarot Deck. You will be amazed by how they describe what's going on with you both on an inner and outer level. Write down the description for each of the cards you have drawn. You will want to refer to them during the year to see whether you are on track with the Grand Design of your life, because each of them mirrors your intention for the coming year.
From Beverlee at astrologybybeverlee (Click the title to access her web site)
EY
As one year comes to a close one cycle ends and another cycle begins to unfold. So I'd like to offer you a ritual to perform as you mark the passing of one year--2006 and the beginning of another--2007.
You'll need a Tarot Deck to perform this ritual.
New Year's Tarot Meditation
To begin, find a quiet spot where you will not be disturbed, seat yourself comfortably and take a deep breath. Now just exhale the year that is ending. Better yet, take in a deep breath for each month and exhale the closing year a month at a time. While you are exhaling, you might like to visualize a calendar and its pages—starting with January—being exhaled out into the Universe. If there is something special that you want to let go of that occurred in one of these months, visualize it moving away from you off into the distance and into the Universe, leaving you forever.
When you complete this visualization you should be feeling much lighter and ready to prepare for the beautiful New Year that awaits you. Now you're ready to begin the Tarot Meditation that will reveal your expectations, wishes and possibilities for the New Year.
This Tarot Meditation is designed to correspond to the Lunar Phases with which we have become so familiar as we've worked together with them over the past few years. You'll begin by shuffling your Tarot Deck to imbue it with your energy. Then you're going to cut the deck towards you with your left hand and draw nine cards.
The first card you draw will be the Creator. Place it in the center of the circle. This card symbolizes your highest potential for the coming year. It shows how you will be connected to your "Great I Am" throughout the year.
The second card you draw represents you and the new beginnings you are committed to making in the coming year. You may use this card for visualization for the entire year because it symbolizes what you are in the process of becoming. This card also symbolizes the New Moon—beginnings. Place this card in the Eastern part of your circle.
The third card you draw represents what you must build and work on in the coming year in order to be successful. It correlates to the Crescent Phase. Place this card in the South Eastern part of the circle.
The fourth card represents what you have to step out and try in the New Year so that you will feel like you are doing something that is expressing your individuality. It symbolizes the First Quarter Phase of the Moon. Place this card in the Southern part of the circle.
The fifth card represents your inner child and what it is seeking in the way of creativity and fun for the New Year. This card can also have a great deal to do with your work and how you plan to make it a pleasurable experience. It embodies the Gibbous Phase of the Moon. Place this card in the South Western part of the circle.
The sixth card you draw represents your shadow issue and what you must learn this year in order to have a good relationship with others. It also represents the Full Phase of the Cycle. Place this card in the Western part of the wheel.
The seventh card represents what you have to give out unconditionally all year long in order to stay in balance and receive abundance. This ties in with the Disseminating Phase. Place this card in the North Western part of the wheel.
The eighth card represents your power for the New Year. This is your goal—what you can achieve when all of the other cards are balanced. This corresponds to the Last Quarter Phase of the Cycle. Place this card in the Northern position of the wheel.
The ninth card represents what you will be letting go of in the New Year. It also symbolizes the part of you that needs rest and healing. This is your spiritual program for the New Year. You can think of it as your retreat card. It's similar to the Balsamic Phase of the Moon. Place it in the North East position in the wheel.
Now it's time to read the descriptions for each of the cards you have drawn in the book or booklet that accompanies your Tarot Deck. You will be amazed by how they describe what's going on with you both on an inner and outer level. Write down the description for each of the cards you have drawn. You will want to refer to them during the year to see whether you are on track with the Grand Design of your life, because each of them mirrors your intention for the coming year.
27 December 2006
Something to Start 2007 With
Wednesday 11:18am 27Dec06
We're in the home stretch of the end of the year. Some of us have plans, some of us are still holding out for "the plans" and some of us haven't got a clue but we're all thinking about what 2007 will bring. A new love, a new job, prosperity, another chance at making a whole year the year. Here is a nice message that I received in my email this morning that is perfect to share...
Click the title to see Carrie Hart's website. She also has magnificent meditations that I happened to purchase.
May all your wishes come true in 2007!
EY
Wednesday, December 27, 2006
Quado Daily Portion
Meet Your Team for 2007
Today, I would like you to meet the team that is going to support you in 2007. I would like you to meet Love, Courage, Peace and Faith, to invite them in to be your lifetime companions. To enter your life and abide there, within you, part of your being, ever a part of your thoughts and actions, an integral part of who you are.
Picture them now. Great, white and glowing with power, a golden light encircling each one, a light that comes from within, so bright and powerful that fear and doubt cannot survive in their presence.
You may picture them as powerful winged angels, strong and glowing. You may picture them as knights, galloping in, silver armor flashing, swords ready to defeat the darkness. You may picture them as great balls of golden energy. Whatever form you wish them to take, they will take. Whatever powers you feel they need to have to finally defeat the last bits of fear and doubt within you, you may give them.
See them before you. Feel yourself open to their presence. Invite them in now.
First open your heart, wide and wider. Invite Love to enter and fill your heart completely. Feel the glow, the warmth, as all the ice melts, as all the hardness softens, as the cracks and fissures mend. Your heart is glowing with love. It is nothing but love. It is love completely.
Now open your heart even wider and allow Courage to take up residence alongside Love. See what a wonderful team they make, Love and Courage, allowing you to take on anything and everything, confident and daring, yet still feeling safe and secure.
And now, open your mind and invite Faith to enter. Invite the light of Faith to shine there so brightly, that doubt is instantly dissolved. It cannot sustain in the bright glow of faith. Your belief is absolute. You believe in yourself and all that you can accomplish and you believe also in the help that is there for you. Your mind is on your side, willing to support the actions that Love and Courage are now yearning for. They are all working together as your team.
And now, open your center and let it fill with Peace, like a deep and endless pool of water. This pool of Peace will allow you to come down and reach your personal truth, no matter what is happening, no matter what you are feeling or anyone else is saying. It will allow you to make your decisions and choices freely, from a deep sense of knowing.
And now, for a moment, just glow within the presence of these four, Love, Courage, Faith and Peace, filling you from head to toe, lighting your life, giving you the absolute power to be the fullest and best expression of yourself that you could possibly be, shining with the glory that is you.
And now, feel how a fifth presence is forming. It is Joy, for Joy is naturally formed wherever Love, Courage, Faith and Peace abide. Joy cannot stay away when her friends are all present. And Joy surrounds you now and is within you and without you, lifting your energies higher and higher.
And now they are all with you: your team for 2007. How blessed you are!
Here is a little prayer for today
I open my heart and invite Love and Courage to enter, to live within me every day, all day, filling me with their glow.
I open my mind and fill it with Faith, a bright glow ever present, a part of every decision I make. My belief in myself and the help that is there for me is absolute.
I open my center and fill it with Peace, a deep pool of Peace that allows me to reach my truth, always clear, always there in a deep knowing.
And now, I invite Joy to fill me from head to toe, forming my perfect team for the rest of my life. Love, Courage, Faith, Peace and Joy. This is what my life is made of. This is who I am. I glow from this energy, this presence. I am brought fully home to myself.
I am love. I am courage. I am faith and peace. I am joy. I am.
*
We're in the home stretch of the end of the year. Some of us have plans, some of us are still holding out for "the plans" and some of us haven't got a clue but we're all thinking about what 2007 will bring. A new love, a new job, prosperity, another chance at making a whole year the year. Here is a nice message that I received in my email this morning that is perfect to share...
Click the title to see Carrie Hart's website. She also has magnificent meditations that I happened to purchase.
May all your wishes come true in 2007!
EY
Wednesday, December 27, 2006
Quado Daily Portion
Meet Your Team for 2007
Today, I would like you to meet the team that is going to support you in 2007. I would like you to meet Love, Courage, Peace and Faith, to invite them in to be your lifetime companions. To enter your life and abide there, within you, part of your being, ever a part of your thoughts and actions, an integral part of who you are.
Picture them now. Great, white and glowing with power, a golden light encircling each one, a light that comes from within, so bright and powerful that fear and doubt cannot survive in their presence.
You may picture them as powerful winged angels, strong and glowing. You may picture them as knights, galloping in, silver armor flashing, swords ready to defeat the darkness. You may picture them as great balls of golden energy. Whatever form you wish them to take, they will take. Whatever powers you feel they need to have to finally defeat the last bits of fear and doubt within you, you may give them.
See them before you. Feel yourself open to their presence. Invite them in now.
First open your heart, wide and wider. Invite Love to enter and fill your heart completely. Feel the glow, the warmth, as all the ice melts, as all the hardness softens, as the cracks and fissures mend. Your heart is glowing with love. It is nothing but love. It is love completely.
Now open your heart even wider and allow Courage to take up residence alongside Love. See what a wonderful team they make, Love and Courage, allowing you to take on anything and everything, confident and daring, yet still feeling safe and secure.
And now, open your mind and invite Faith to enter. Invite the light of Faith to shine there so brightly, that doubt is instantly dissolved. It cannot sustain in the bright glow of faith. Your belief is absolute. You believe in yourself and all that you can accomplish and you believe also in the help that is there for you. Your mind is on your side, willing to support the actions that Love and Courage are now yearning for. They are all working together as your team.
And now, open your center and let it fill with Peace, like a deep and endless pool of water. This pool of Peace will allow you to come down and reach your personal truth, no matter what is happening, no matter what you are feeling or anyone else is saying. It will allow you to make your decisions and choices freely, from a deep sense of knowing.
And now, for a moment, just glow within the presence of these four, Love, Courage, Faith and Peace, filling you from head to toe, lighting your life, giving you the absolute power to be the fullest and best expression of yourself that you could possibly be, shining with the glory that is you.
And now, feel how a fifth presence is forming. It is Joy, for Joy is naturally formed wherever Love, Courage, Faith and Peace abide. Joy cannot stay away when her friends are all present. And Joy surrounds you now and is within you and without you, lifting your energies higher and higher.
And now they are all with you: your team for 2007. How blessed you are!
Here is a little prayer for today
I open my heart and invite Love and Courage to enter, to live within me every day, all day, filling me with their glow.
I open my mind and fill it with Faith, a bright glow ever present, a part of every decision I make. My belief in myself and the help that is there for me is absolute.
I open my center and fill it with Peace, a deep pool of Peace that allows me to reach my truth, always clear, always there in a deep knowing.
And now, I invite Joy to fill me from head to toe, forming my perfect team for the rest of my life. Love, Courage, Faith, Peace and Joy. This is what my life is made of. This is who I am. I glow from this energy, this presence. I am brought fully home to myself.
I am love. I am courage. I am faith and peace. I am joy. I am.
*
18 December 2006
30 Day Challenge
Monday 7:46pm 18Dec06
I'm the challenge Queen. I love competing against myself. When I was a little girl and the slowest eater in the house I used to pretend that I was on a tv show and the audience was watching me eat my dinner. I would get myself to eat quicker because I knew the audience was cheering me on. ha ha!
At one crappy job I used to work at, I used to play games like seeing how long I could go without looking at the clock. Or timing myself at how fast I could get through one account and then try to do the next account even quicker.
I love writing challenges like timed writings and novels in a month and writing 1000 words a day. It's the kid in me that still lives in her imagination with her two best friends, Me, myself and I. So while digging around the internet for inspiration I happened upon Steve Pavlina's 30 days to Success (click the 30 Day Challenge title for the article.)
I've been thinking about what my first 30 day challenge could be. This morning as I crawled out of bed at half past 6 I happened upon my first challenge. Getting my butt up at 4am like I used to do. I've been very very bad and have been enjoying sleep more and quite frankly it's been months since I got up at 4am on a regular basis. So that's where I begin... starting tomorrow. Yes crazy girlfish will be getting up at 4am on Christmas day!
On my writing2live blog, I discussed going forward with Mastering a Skill (my writing, of course). I quoted it here in one of my morning prayers entries.. it takes 1000 hours to become competent; 5000 hours to master a skill and 25,000 ro 35,000 to become World Class. Calculating it down to a weekly quota brings it to 21 hours a week. If I want to get any where near completing my 1000 hours in a year I've got to rise with the birds. It's such a beautiful time of the day.
I'm hoping the 30 day stint will create that daily habit again and I can move forward with another 30day challenge. Any body want to send me their 30 day challenge? Let's forget about New Year's resolutions, I never make them cuz I know they don't work, and jump onto a challenge instead...
I just counted the days, 30 days will take me to 17Jan07...
EY
I'm the challenge Queen. I love competing against myself. When I was a little girl and the slowest eater in the house I used to pretend that I was on a tv show and the audience was watching me eat my dinner. I would get myself to eat quicker because I knew the audience was cheering me on. ha ha!
At one crappy job I used to work at, I used to play games like seeing how long I could go without looking at the clock. Or timing myself at how fast I could get through one account and then try to do the next account even quicker.
I love writing challenges like timed writings and novels in a month and writing 1000 words a day. It's the kid in me that still lives in her imagination with her two best friends, Me, myself and I. So while digging around the internet for inspiration I happened upon Steve Pavlina's 30 days to Success (click the 30 Day Challenge title for the article.)
I've been thinking about what my first 30 day challenge could be. This morning as I crawled out of bed at half past 6 I happened upon my first challenge. Getting my butt up at 4am like I used to do. I've been very very bad and have been enjoying sleep more and quite frankly it's been months since I got up at 4am on a regular basis. So that's where I begin... starting tomorrow. Yes crazy girlfish will be getting up at 4am on Christmas day!
On my writing2live blog, I discussed going forward with Mastering a Skill (my writing, of course). I quoted it here in one of my morning prayers entries.. it takes 1000 hours to become competent; 5000 hours to master a skill and 25,000 ro 35,000 to become World Class. Calculating it down to a weekly quota brings it to 21 hours a week. If I want to get any where near completing my 1000 hours in a year I've got to rise with the birds. It's such a beautiful time of the day.
I'm hoping the 30 day stint will create that daily habit again and I can move forward with another 30day challenge. Any body want to send me their 30 day challenge? Let's forget about New Year's resolutions, I never make them cuz I know they don't work, and jump onto a challenge instead...
I just counted the days, 30 days will take me to 17Jan07...
EY
17 December 2006
Act Your Age, not your shoe size...
4:43pm Sunday 17Dec06
Had much music on for a hot minute this morning while I got ready to go out to meet my breakfast buddy. I'm sitting there staring at the TV with my head cocked to one side, "is that Prince singing? Why hasn't anyone told me he has a song in Happy Feet? I've got to see it TODAY!"
I saw Happy Feet. What an adorable movie. If there are any stuffed animals of Mumble as a baby, somebody please buy me one!
Talk about the theme of Free Spirit. A penguin that dances in a clan of penguins that sing!. Too freaking cute. The tapping kept making me think about Gregory Hines, whom I loved loved loved! Turns out it was choreographed by Savion Glover who totally deserves the Gregory Hines' title of king of tap.
I remember Savion as a kid in Greg's movie Tap (that nobody went to see) that had all the black old timers of tap and dance like the Nicholas brothers before they all died off. Challenge! Challenge!
Savion looked like he could be Gregory Hines' kid.
When the Happy Feet started off with the penguins singing Kiss I thought I was going to burst a gut with laughter. I kept saying, Oh no they didn't, oh no they didn't. And using Queen's, somebody to love was just priceless. My Ally Macbeal inspired theme song.
I loved the themes: you have to believe in yourself even when you are different from every one in your clan. The outsider is the one to lead. You have to get through all the pain and lack of belief before you reap the rewards.
I was pretty positive that the movie was going to make me cry but I managed to hold it together.
OMG some of the head moves when they were dancing were killing me. Crack me right up.
It really makes you think about what we are doing to the animals that live on this earth with us. It's too ironic because I just watched an episode of men in trees and there was a comment about throwing off the balance of the ecosystem. It falls in line with Happy Feet. It really is time that we all think about what we are doing and how to correct it individually and giving the message to our children as young as possible so that they are mindful and ready to make creative changes.
The scene in the zoo is heart breaking and reminds me of the art show that was in New York that I would have loved to have gone to. It was a photo exhibit whereby the photographer had gone into each animal's habitat and photographed them. There was a comment that animals that we see in the zoo have basically gone crazy. They don't do the normal things that they would do. They are bored, depressed. They've gone crazy. That polar bear that does the repetitive diving into the water and swimming back up to the top, although he looks fascinating, is exhibiting his insanity. If we don't care about creatures that can't tell us that we are hurting them how the hell are we supposed to listen to and care about each other?
That's the first sign of abuse and abusive behaviour. When the Humane society notes animal abuse in a home it's a sure sign that there is domestic abuse. That's just the microcosm of the macrocosm. We're abusing, killing, destroying our wild life and ultimately each other.
What a smart move to cash in on the love of penguins that the march of the penguins brought on and to leave us with a message that we have to care for our earth now. What a fun movie. And the obligatory Robin Williams as both Lovelace and Ramon was too funny.
When Mumble meets up with Ramon and the other Latino penguins and they like his frenetic dance moves it reminded me that somewhere someone appreciates you as you are. I don't know how many big women I've told, "You need to go to the Caribbean, black men love big women."
And that's really it isn't it? Sometimes we're just not appreciated where we live. Sometimes we have to go somewhere else to find the clan that sees our outer beauty.
Oh well, I could go on. I'm glad that my Prince got me out to see the movie that I had a good laugh and felt somewhat inspired. That's all I ask for.
EY
Had much music on for a hot minute this morning while I got ready to go out to meet my breakfast buddy. I'm sitting there staring at the TV with my head cocked to one side, "is that Prince singing? Why hasn't anyone told me he has a song in Happy Feet? I've got to see it TODAY!"
I saw Happy Feet. What an adorable movie. If there are any stuffed animals of Mumble as a baby, somebody please buy me one!
Talk about the theme of Free Spirit. A penguin that dances in a clan of penguins that sing!. Too freaking cute. The tapping kept making me think about Gregory Hines, whom I loved loved loved! Turns out it was choreographed by Savion Glover who totally deserves the Gregory Hines' title of king of tap.
I remember Savion as a kid in Greg's movie Tap (that nobody went to see) that had all the black old timers of tap and dance like the Nicholas brothers before they all died off. Challenge! Challenge!
Savion looked like he could be Gregory Hines' kid.
When the Happy Feet started off with the penguins singing Kiss I thought I was going to burst a gut with laughter. I kept saying, Oh no they didn't, oh no they didn't. And using Queen's, somebody to love was just priceless. My Ally Macbeal inspired theme song.
I loved the themes: you have to believe in yourself even when you are different from every one in your clan. The outsider is the one to lead. You have to get through all the pain and lack of belief before you reap the rewards.
I was pretty positive that the movie was going to make me cry but I managed to hold it together.
OMG some of the head moves when they were dancing were killing me. Crack me right up.
It really makes you think about what we are doing to the animals that live on this earth with us. It's too ironic because I just watched an episode of men in trees and there was a comment about throwing off the balance of the ecosystem. It falls in line with Happy Feet. It really is time that we all think about what we are doing and how to correct it individually and giving the message to our children as young as possible so that they are mindful and ready to make creative changes.
The scene in the zoo is heart breaking and reminds me of the art show that was in New York that I would have loved to have gone to. It was a photo exhibit whereby the photographer had gone into each animal's habitat and photographed them. There was a comment that animals that we see in the zoo have basically gone crazy. They don't do the normal things that they would do. They are bored, depressed. They've gone crazy. That polar bear that does the repetitive diving into the water and swimming back up to the top, although he looks fascinating, is exhibiting his insanity. If we don't care about creatures that can't tell us that we are hurting them how the hell are we supposed to listen to and care about each other?
That's the first sign of abuse and abusive behaviour. When the Humane society notes animal abuse in a home it's a sure sign that there is domestic abuse. That's just the microcosm of the macrocosm. We're abusing, killing, destroying our wild life and ultimately each other.
What a smart move to cash in on the love of penguins that the march of the penguins brought on and to leave us with a message that we have to care for our earth now. What a fun movie. And the obligatory Robin Williams as both Lovelace and Ramon was too funny.
When Mumble meets up with Ramon and the other Latino penguins and they like his frenetic dance moves it reminded me that somewhere someone appreciates you as you are. I don't know how many big women I've told, "You need to go to the Caribbean, black men love big women."
And that's really it isn't it? Sometimes we're just not appreciated where we live. Sometimes we have to go somewhere else to find the clan that sees our outer beauty.
Oh well, I could go on. I'm glad that my Prince got me out to see the movie that I had a good laugh and felt somewhat inspired. That's all I ask for.
EY
13 December 2006
Power Animals
Wednesday 6:48pm 13Dec06
I love symbols. I love choosing an Angel to carry around in my imagination that will guide me through my intuition into new places or experiences. I thank the angels when I remember something important that I was supposed to take care of. I thank the angels for my continued safety especially when I do something careless. As much as I love animals I'm not sure why I've never looked into power animals before. Everyone knows that I love cats and their independence. I can remember filling out a playful type of questionnaire years ago that you have to name the type of animals that you like and why and somehow it was inked back to the type of qualities that you possess.
Any way I got an email from Carrie Hart announcing her new website on power animals. I finally decided to pay it a visit and meditate on what kind of animal companion I'd like. My quest was for a writing companion. I got the Zebra. Click the title to read the description. And click Enchanted Forest on the top of that page to choose your own power animal.
The funny thing about the Zebra is that he also falls in line with my limitations, feeling like I can choose this but if I do I can't choose that. Ironically I just wrote a piece on my Writing2live blog about choice and vanquishing the limitations.
A zebra? I have cats. I have pictures of polar bears and brown bears. I have elephant ornaments and candles. Dogs, Owls, big cats but no Zebras. I'm going to have to go buy some sort of Zebra pin or keychain or something or other to remind me that my choices are only limited by my imagination and I have a symbol of a writing companion.
It's all energy, might as well work with it.
EY
I love symbols. I love choosing an Angel to carry around in my imagination that will guide me through my intuition into new places or experiences. I thank the angels when I remember something important that I was supposed to take care of. I thank the angels for my continued safety especially when I do something careless. As much as I love animals I'm not sure why I've never looked into power animals before. Everyone knows that I love cats and their independence. I can remember filling out a playful type of questionnaire years ago that you have to name the type of animals that you like and why and somehow it was inked back to the type of qualities that you possess.
Any way I got an email from Carrie Hart announcing her new website on power animals. I finally decided to pay it a visit and meditate on what kind of animal companion I'd like. My quest was for a writing companion. I got the Zebra. Click the title to read the description. And click Enchanted Forest on the top of that page to choose your own power animal.
The funny thing about the Zebra is that he also falls in line with my limitations, feeling like I can choose this but if I do I can't choose that. Ironically I just wrote a piece on my Writing2live blog about choice and vanquishing the limitations.
A zebra? I have cats. I have pictures of polar bears and brown bears. I have elephant ornaments and candles. Dogs, Owls, big cats but no Zebras. I'm going to have to go buy some sort of Zebra pin or keychain or something or other to remind me that my choices are only limited by my imagination and I have a symbol of a writing companion.
It's all energy, might as well work with it.
EY
07 December 2006
Memorial - My Mother
7Dec06 Thursday 6:07am
Well it's today. My mother passed away 10 years ago today. I've lit some candles in her honour.
My mother would be 64 years old. Still very young. Still younger than most of my friends parents. My mother would love the Internet and digital cameras and itunes.
My mother had a grade 6 education having been kicked out of school for hitting a kid in the head with an ink bottle after he'd called her a nigger. When she got home and told her father he'd beat her for being a trouble maker and only after he'd beat her got the whole story and went back to the school to tell off the teacher who'd sided with the boy. My mother who won all the singing contests and wanted to be a Country singer. Her first contest , she'd lost, because she was too shy and kept looking down at the stage. Her father beat that shyness out of her. His answer to everything was a beating. My mother who didn't have a belly button because she was born sickly and all the operations she'd had as a baby left without one. She was a sickly baby and cried a lot and her mother couldn't take it so she gave my mother to her father who was married to someone else. Yeah my mother had stories for sure. It's any wonder that I like to write.
My mother was a charismatic person and made friends with every one including my step father's ex wife. She could go to a store twice and end up having the salespeople loving her so much that they'd give her merchandise for free. I don't have those qualities or patience. She honestly believed that there was good in every one and if you gave someone enough chances he'd become that good person that she could picture in her mind's eye. She would let anyone in her house, people that weren't particularly nice to her, women that were after her man. I had no patience for it. "It's your house mom, you don't have to be nice to people like that in your own house," I'd say.
"You'll understand when you're older," she'd tell me. That has yet to happen.
My mother was a runner, living most of her adult life incognito, after we ran from my father who was a violent alcoholic. She endured violence and pain and humiliation and she still managed to wake up each morning with a smile on her face. Some of our best laughs were the first thing in the morning. She was superstitious, believing such things like, "If you laugh all day, you'll cry all night" and "everything comes in threes."
She was zany and would change the words to sweet songs into sex songs. One of my favorite past times. Our big thing was to come up with a song that matched the words that one of us just spoke and if we couldn't we'd make up a song.
With my mother, I went to night clubs at 13 years old. I hung out with adults. We smoked joints and played frisbee on the Mountain.
We had drink nights at home, just the two of us, where we listened to music and tried all kinds of wines and even did tequila shots. We were the envy of all mothers. She was the first person that knew when I was ready to have my first sexual experience with my boyfriend of 4 years. She was the first person that I told what I was thinking.
My mother made so many mistakes in life and endured so many failures and believed and loved and loved some more. She picked the runt of the litter every single time. She rescued strays (animals and humans). She was allergic to everything in her house (cats, dogs, birds, carpeting) and refused to give them up or get the shots. She survived with bottles of Otrivin strategically placed around the house. She was a music lover and we always had the latest music and a state of the art music system despite my step father's complaints that spending money on music was frivolous. She'd sneak the new records in the house when he wasn't looking. She was a plant fanatic and had exotic plants from all over the world. Plants that she'd have to soak in water for 24 hours and all sorts of craziness. She couldn't walk past a plant store without staying in there for at least an hour. That's me with book stores.
She had a grade 6 education and was the smartest person I knew. My step father mocked her for her lack of University degree and she had self esteem issues and yet when ever he needed to understand something, it was my mother he asked for the explanation. I knew because of my mother that you can educate yourself without school. She absorbed everything and when she decided she wanted to know how to do something she'd immerse herself in the books and she'd learn how to do it. a Grade 6 education! I have yet to meet anyone that I feel was as smart as my mother.
She knew people from all walks of life, from drug dealers, pimps, bank robbers, doctors, club owners and right on up and she never judged anyone for who they decided to be and what they decided to do.
Yeah she was my mommy, my sister, my best friend. She was the person I fought with the most and the person I turned to to cry and the person I told everything and the person I'd give my youth to if it were possible. She was the person that I'd kill for and the person I protected, much to my Step dad's fear. There will never be another person whose death will be harder on me than losing my mother.
Ten years is a long time for so many things like being at a job or studying and yet such a short time for mourning the death of my mother. Alice Patricia Norville... Pisces Horse.
EY
Well it's today. My mother passed away 10 years ago today. I've lit some candles in her honour.
My mother would be 64 years old. Still very young. Still younger than most of my friends parents. My mother would love the Internet and digital cameras and itunes.
My mother had a grade 6 education having been kicked out of school for hitting a kid in the head with an ink bottle after he'd called her a nigger. When she got home and told her father he'd beat her for being a trouble maker and only after he'd beat her got the whole story and went back to the school to tell off the teacher who'd sided with the boy. My mother who won all the singing contests and wanted to be a Country singer. Her first contest , she'd lost, because she was too shy and kept looking down at the stage. Her father beat that shyness out of her. His answer to everything was a beating. My mother who didn't have a belly button because she was born sickly and all the operations she'd had as a baby left without one. She was a sickly baby and cried a lot and her mother couldn't take it so she gave my mother to her father who was married to someone else. Yeah my mother had stories for sure. It's any wonder that I like to write.
My mother was a charismatic person and made friends with every one including my step father's ex wife. She could go to a store twice and end up having the salespeople loving her so much that they'd give her merchandise for free. I don't have those qualities or patience. She honestly believed that there was good in every one and if you gave someone enough chances he'd become that good person that she could picture in her mind's eye. She would let anyone in her house, people that weren't particularly nice to her, women that were after her man. I had no patience for it. "It's your house mom, you don't have to be nice to people like that in your own house," I'd say.
"You'll understand when you're older," she'd tell me. That has yet to happen.
My mother was a runner, living most of her adult life incognito, after we ran from my father who was a violent alcoholic. She endured violence and pain and humiliation and she still managed to wake up each morning with a smile on her face. Some of our best laughs were the first thing in the morning. She was superstitious, believing such things like, "If you laugh all day, you'll cry all night" and "everything comes in threes."
She was zany and would change the words to sweet songs into sex songs. One of my favorite past times. Our big thing was to come up with a song that matched the words that one of us just spoke and if we couldn't we'd make up a song.
With my mother, I went to night clubs at 13 years old. I hung out with adults. We smoked joints and played frisbee on the Mountain.
We had drink nights at home, just the two of us, where we listened to music and tried all kinds of wines and even did tequila shots. We were the envy of all mothers. She was the first person that knew when I was ready to have my first sexual experience with my boyfriend of 4 years. She was the first person that I told what I was thinking.
My mother made so many mistakes in life and endured so many failures and believed and loved and loved some more. She picked the runt of the litter every single time. She rescued strays (animals and humans). She was allergic to everything in her house (cats, dogs, birds, carpeting) and refused to give them up or get the shots. She survived with bottles of Otrivin strategically placed around the house. She was a music lover and we always had the latest music and a state of the art music system despite my step father's complaints that spending money on music was frivolous. She'd sneak the new records in the house when he wasn't looking. She was a plant fanatic and had exotic plants from all over the world. Plants that she'd have to soak in water for 24 hours and all sorts of craziness. She couldn't walk past a plant store without staying in there for at least an hour. That's me with book stores.
She had a grade 6 education and was the smartest person I knew. My step father mocked her for her lack of University degree and she had self esteem issues and yet when ever he needed to understand something, it was my mother he asked for the explanation. I knew because of my mother that you can educate yourself without school. She absorbed everything and when she decided she wanted to know how to do something she'd immerse herself in the books and she'd learn how to do it. a Grade 6 education! I have yet to meet anyone that I feel was as smart as my mother.
She knew people from all walks of life, from drug dealers, pimps, bank robbers, doctors, club owners and right on up and she never judged anyone for who they decided to be and what they decided to do.
Yeah she was my mommy, my sister, my best friend. She was the person I fought with the most and the person I turned to to cry and the person I told everything and the person I'd give my youth to if it were possible. She was the person that I'd kill for and the person I protected, much to my Step dad's fear. There will never be another person whose death will be harder on me than losing my mother.
Ten years is a long time for so many things like being at a job or studying and yet such a short time for mourning the death of my mother. Alice Patricia Norville... Pisces Horse.
EY
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